Jolt Country

We just completed (well, are about to complete) the Robb-run league's draft, and I don't have anything better to do, so why not take a look at how my team came together?

#1 - Tony Romo, QB, Dallas. I have some mental problem that makes me panic if I don't immediately get a quarterback -- who will throw the ball? So I've now taken a quarterback first overall every year I've been in the league. The first year I took Matt Hasselbeck, which was rightfully derided. Last year I was picking later in the first round and got Drew Brees -- probably a decent pick, though he had some trouble.

This year, I was really really certain that I could get either Peyton Manning or non-QB Steven Jackson with my first pick; then they went with the two picks before mine, and it was back to panic picking. My brain said Joseph Addai, my fingers said Tony Romo. The funny thing is, Romo is one of those players that I'm still convinced is horribly overrated and due to come back to earth. Now that he's on my team, that's probably gonna happen.

Not a Hasselbeck-level pick, but I probably could have got Addai and then picked up Romo or someone close to equivalent in round two.

#2 - Clinton Portis, RB, Washington. Robb took Addai, so Portis ended up being the guy I wanted here. I'm ok with this. Robb's scouting report:

I was going to take Portis, but I had him two years ago and did not enjoy his months where he goes for 30, 29, 42 and 235 yards.

#3 - T.J. Houshmanzadeh, WR, Cincinnati. The player I wanted here. He was great for me last year, pretty much guaranteed to put up good numbers every game.

#4 - Reggie Bush, RB, New Orleans. By week five, I will be looking at this pick with my head in my hands, wondering what I was thinking. (Sorry, Robb.)

#5 - Darren McFadden, RB, Oakland. A very uncharacteristic pick for me, as I don't trust unproven guys, but that might be why I don't win. Of course, he's playing for Oakland, which was hell for running backs last year.

#6 - Greg Jennings, WR, Green Bay. Another guy who I had last year, who again was reliably solid for me. Now playing with a new quarterback, though, and I don't have much wide receiver depth.

#7 - Vernon Davis, TE, San Francisco. I was mocked for this pick, but after watching Tony Gonzalez put up two points a week for me last year, I've come to think of the tight end position as the equivalent of college language credits -- you have to fulfill them, but they don't really matter. Of course, with this in mind, I should have waited a round or two to worry about tight ends.

#8 - Julius Jones, RB, Seattle. Part of Seattle's committee of RBs. Probably will do nothing and be the first player I end up dropping.

#9 - Jared Allen, DL, Minnesota. I needed to start filling out defense, and he was the best available. Last year my defense was a total crapshoot, with established guys falling apart and guys I'd never heard of doing great for me, so who knows how this will pan out.

#10 - Jabar Gaffney, WR, New England. If you can't get the Patriots' top two receivers, get number three! Hopefully I won't have to use him much, but there's at least a chance he'll go crazy the weeks I have to use him. He's the son of former Jets WR Derrick Gaffney, and I have a Derrick Gaffney autographed football card remaining from childhood, which actually isn't that cool, I guess.

#11 - Aaron Rodgers, QB, Green Bay. I'll put him in one week and pray. I thought it would be a coup to get Rodgers as my backup, until I actually got him, at which point I started wondering why I didn't grab Bulger or Warner instead. I'm rooting for the guy in real life, though, just because I'm so fucking sick of Brett Favre.

#12 - Shayne Graham, K, Cincinnati. Passed over the kicker I really wanted, Martin Gramatica, because Graham's more likely to actually be with a team at the end of the year.

#13 - Will Witherspoon, LB, St. Louis. The one reliable week in/week out defender I had last year. Will tear his ACL on opening day.

#14 - Bernard Berrian, WR, Minnesota. I was offered this guy in trade every week for the first half of our season last year. Will compete with Julius Jones for "first dropped," I betcha. Could have a good season if he stays healthy, if whatshisname on the Vikes becomes good... yeah, first dropped.

#15 - Felix Jones, RB, Dallas. I was using the autodrafter at this point. "Felix" is a pretty cool name, and the scouting reports assure me that he's going to be an impact player! I'll use him as a fill-in and he'll get tackled twice for losses, fumble once, and then won't get back in the game.

#16 - O.J. Atogwe, DB, St. Louis. Autodrafter. I like his name.

So there you have it -- the team that's going to propel Melville's Tragic Loners to a fifth- or sixth-place finish.

gsdgsd wrote:So there you have it -- the team that's going to propel Melville's Tragic Loners to a fifth- or sixth-place finish.

In retrospect, this was extraordinarily optimistic.

You lost seven in a row, right? That honestly surprised me. I've never seen that before from a team that started off well. We've had teams that have gone on seven-game losses, but they've all been 3-14 shitballs and so forth, that were never really in it.

Additionally, I have the worst team in the league. I am in last place. My dudes, over the season, were (some were cut and added later, obviously)

QB: Derek Anderson, Matt Ryan, Trent Edwards
Notes: What a fucking debacle.

RB: Larry Johnson, Joseph Addai, Benjarvis Green-Ellis, Jamal Lewis, Chester Taylor
Notes: I was offered my #1 and #2 picks for Adrian Peterson while the (endless) first round was going. I should have taken it! Haha, Larry Johnson, what a goddamn human monster.

WR: Steve Smith, Marvin Harrison, Santana Moss, Isaac Bruce
Notes: I played them in the wrong order every week.

TE: Jeremy Shockey, The Guy Who Plays For the Texans
Notes: Oh fuck this

K: Mason Green Bay, Matt Falcons
Notes: I had two of the best kickers this year. So, we've got something to build on, if this was a keeper league, which it isn't.

DEF: I don't even remember, because I've confused them with my team in Mike's league. They're all terrible.

So, to sum up! I think:

1) I will do actual research next year, like I did the previous three seasons (and where I had good teams)
2) I will never, ever submit to a draft that takes 10 days, like the one did this year. One night, four hours, everyone is in and out, and if someone tells me they have no days free for 21 straight days (as someone did this year), well, best of luck.

Following in your footsteps, let's see how things have gone for Melville's Tragic Loners, after their fairly successful 2007 campaign.

QB: Tony Romo, Aaron Rodgers, Jeff Garcia

Romo was good until he wasn't, Rodgers was one of my two best picks. Garcia was an injury fill-in and represents an era in team history we'd all prefer to forget.

RB: Clinton Portis, Reggie Bush, Julius Jones, Leon Washington, Darren McFadden, Felix Jones, Deuce McAllister, Ricky Williams

I figured I'd regret the Bush pick -- actually, along with Rodgers, it was one of the best. Portis was very good until, ha ha, he got hurt. Julius Jones had a few good games, which was a few more than I expected out of him. McFadden and Felix Jones were decent 'til they got hurt. Leon Washington was amazing whenever I kept him on the bench. McAllister filled in decently for Bush, but he cheated. Williams looked like he might be getting it together until I picked him up. I usually have bad luck with RBs, but this was a decent haul.

WR: T.J. Houshmanzadeh, Greg Jennings, Jabar Gaffney, Isaac Bruce, Bernard Berrian, Donnie Avery, Kevin Curtis, Derrick Mason

Uh. A depressing cavalcade of missed expectations. Jennings was the best of a disappointing lot. Houshmanzadeh was amazing in 2007 but sadly, plays for the Bengals. I'd forgotten I had Jabar Gaffney; I think he's actually been dead since 2006.

TE: Vernon Davis, Anthony Fasano

I was mocked for picking Davis too high, and he proved everyone right. Next year I'm petitioning to make tight ends optional.

K: Shayne Graham, Ryan Longwell, Matt Bryant, Dan Carpenter, Phil Dawson

I'll cut my nuts off before I ever pick another Bengal. Rest of the guys always came to my team and proceeded to kick one field goal per game.

D: Too many to count

I had so many injuries to guys I couldn't bear to give up -- you try sacrificing T.J. Houshmanzadeh's 3.5 points per game -- that I just treated my defensemen like cattle, even though they were usually outscoring my receivers.

What a depressing bunch. Come on 2009!

I feel the same way about the Browns that you do as the Bengals.

I'm fucked in my brother's keeper league: I have Drew Brees, Marshawn Lynch and Reggie Bush and we keep two guys. Do I do the right thing and keep Brees/Lynch and leave my favorite player out there for assholes to take? I can't make it Bush and Brees, because Marshawn won't be there for me when I pick. And there is no way I am not keeping Brees, Christ, not having a quarterback all season killed me up above.

Maybe Marshawn Lynch will get thrown in jail during the off-season, or deported to Canada, and make my decision easier.

Well, I had Rodgers and Romo and it didn't do me any good.

So are we going to a keeper league next year? (I realize this isn't of interest to anyone except us) I'm all for it, as it would give me some comfort in the cold cellar of eighth place.

I think I am gonna pass on keepers. The guy really pulling for them hasn't made a live draft in a while, which lead to last year's week-long debacle.