Jolt Country

I would like to alert you all to what I feel is a very positive trend, at least as positive as something can be in the sinful, destructive realm of alcohol and alcoholic beverages.

The topic of today's report is: VODKA.

Some (your author included) consider vodka the purest and most "noble" of the ignoble playground of the demon alcohol. Going through the simplest distillation process, introducing no flavoring or adjuncts, vodka still today represents distilled spirits at their most elegant. With all of the thousands of offerings at your local liquor store, all the flavors out there, all the wacky concoctions you could ever ask for, to me there is still nothing so sublime as a shot of chilled vodka.

Now, used to be there were two general types of vodka: Cheap-ass shit, and decent shit. Vodka by its very nature doesn't have a ton of room for quality differential -- at its best it's nearly imperceptible. The good stuff, maybe in the $20 range, would be generally smoother and cleaner than the cheap crap.

Then (I am making up history here, but this is just how it seemed to happen) Grey Goose came along with a pretty bottle, slapped a $40 pricetag on it, and proclaimed with lots of flowery descriptions from "respected critics" that this was "ultra premium", blowing away even the high end stuff with it's -- what, 8-times filtering through charcoal and baby's hair.

Much like bottled water, nobody in their right mind thought it would take off. And much like bottled water, Americans with too much money and too fragile an ego just gobbled it up.

Then it was on. The race to come up with the fanciest bottle, the best marketing campaign, and the highest price tag was officially afoot. It worked, it continues to work, and everyone is making a ton of money off it. Off vodka, the least process- and resource-intensive of any liquor.

It appeared there would be no bucking the trend, and it started to look like you'd eventually end up having to choose between a plastic bottle filled with turpentine, or a fifty dollar bottle with a bird and a fancy font on it.

So I am happy to announce that it seems that in the last year or two, there is a new trend taking place within this maelstrom of absurdity. Seems Grey Goose placed so low in enough blind taste tests that some people actually started to wake up to two important facts:

1. The "ultra premium" brands are no better, and often worse, than "lower" brands costing a fraction of the cost.

2. There is no reason good vodka cannot be cheap.

So now we are seeing the very welcome backlash of low-priced, high quality vodka, and all you're giving up is the fancy bottle and whatever sick sense of "style points" you thought you were getting by ordering overpriced garbage.

My current two favorites in the under-$20 set are Tito's, made in Texas from corn, costing about $17 for a 750ml bottle, and my current King of the Hill, Sobieski, made in Poland from rye, winning all sorts of blind tests, incredibly clean, and coming in at the seemingly ridiculous price of $11 a bottle, less than Smirnoff. But this is how much it should cost. Everything above this is marketing.

If this post does nothing more, I just hope anyone reading this who ever has occasion to buy vodka or a cocktail with vodka in it, skip the Grey Goose, the Trump, the Hangar One, the Van Gogh -- basically anything they put in the "locked case" at your local booze shop. DON'T BELIEVE HIS LIES!

Here in Washington state the liquor taxes are so high that the choice is $20 for absolute crap turpentine, $25 for bargain basement, $30 for semi premium, and almost $50 for "premium" like Absolut. The only positive thing is that it encourages me to try different mid tier brands each with their own pretty bottles and thus have to agree that I can't taste much of a difference between anything over $20, just like pinback said.

It amazes me that the liquor taxes are higher here than anywhere else I've been and still the legislature put a liquor tax hike on the agenda to pay for even more "anti drunk driving" crap, like the current "drive hammered, get nailed" jingle commercials. Fucking busybody liberals.

And much like bottled water, Americans with too much money and too fragile an ego just gobbled it up.

damn, the firecrab should have said that!


Having tried Grey Goose, I concur that it's five dollar paint thinner in a 35 dollar bottle. Smirnoff triple distilled is a nice average priced brand. I'm sure that when mixed with..er, mixers one could use an even lower priced brand and not be able to tell the difference. I don't drink vodka straight as it might push me into the land of alcoholism, which, truth be told, is not that far off a country.

I have noticed that whiskey is starting to go the same uppity folks route. Jack Daniel's Green label and Johnny Walker blue to name a couple of very high end products.


THE
JUST PUT IT
IN THE GLASS
AARDVARK

I guess it's considered expensive, but my favorite vodka (and I've tried just about all the normal liquor store brands) is Ketel One. The shit's like water with a kick. It's even good warm.

This stuff is very paint thinner-ish, wait wait no, mouth wash. The kind with peroxide in it to whiten your teeth, much smoother though, less bubbles.

It's pretty hard to describe it, I'm pretty sure it just tasted like vodka, but that I was able to do half a shot as my first foray into hard liquor ever sure says quite a bit about Tito's.

On a related note:

I went to someone else s class reunion tonight. What a weird feeling. there was all this camaraderie and I never even went to the school. The beer was free and cold, however (Bathtub Billy's) so I fitted in nicely. Just the weirdest feeling. They even wanted me do do a shot of vodka, which I declined as I have to work tomorrow, I know that way lies madness. Just the weirdest feeling.


THE OUT OF BODY
AARDVARK

Did you CRASH a high school reunion, Vark??

You all are missing the awesomeness of Worm's post.

Motherfucker just started drinking ANY alcohol of any kind. Wine!

And tonight was his first taste of vodka. He went with my suggestion of Tito's, trusting that my vodka recommendations would be better than my video game recommendations.

Did dude have his first taste of vodka by mixing it with orange juice, or Tang, or whatever sweet, cloying garbage most vodka newbies mix their shit with?

No.

Motherfucker DRANK THE SHIT STRAIGHT.

If Worm is JC's child, then today I am his mother, and a DAMN PROUD MAMA I AM.

Want some rye? Course ya do!

Frozen vodka is one of life's treasures. The super cooling of the throat as it is poured down mixed with the warmth in the belly is exquisite.

It was alumni night at Aquinas. My son (who just turned 21 and is loving it) was the lead in the production of 'Godspell'.
After the show, we all (pretty much the entire cast, tech crew and any other alumnus) retired to Bathtub Billy's for sustenance and cold beers. Everywhere around me were groups of people who all attended the school and had reminiscences and anecdotes. But I, alas, never went there so I had to settle for small talk about fireplaces, water buffaloes and the lack of any real ability to get good pizza or chicken wings in Denver. (One of the aforementioned alumni lives there and was back for the weekend.) Anyway , it was a pretty good time but I was having an out of body experience because I couldn't relate to the Aquinas experience. The tradition and family spirit at that school is incredible.

The only other point of note was that the assistant director of the show was taking pictures of the cast after the performance and managed to photograph the school's ghost next to the director. Spooky. I want that photo emailed to me soonest, seriously.


THE
OO-WHOOO-OOO!
AARDVARK

Ok went to a local liquor store looking for Sobetski or whatever it's called. Counter person never even heard of it. Obviously not tha best liquor store. Ended up with that old standby Smirnoff triple distilled. Drank it on the rocks while keeping the bottle in the freezer. Good shit.




THE
ANY OTHER
RECOMMENDATIONS?
AARDVARK

I was pretty good mixed with diet 7-up, I gave no hangover whatsoever, and I have no idea how much I costed. Can I has recommends?

Want some RYE?!! Course ya do.

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I hope the rye 'New Hit' single met approval.

Killed the Smirnoff bottle tonight. Nothing like having your fingers frost-frozen to the sides of the bottle while pouring a shot.

My wife drank Bloody Marys and I whoofed straight shots with a little black pepper on top. MMMmmmmm, cold.


I found out later at the reunion thing that my 21 year old experienced the whole bar scene for the first time. He started on the free (or pre-paid, anyway) beers, then did shots with all the old alumnus as they closed down the bar. Later he puked out the passenger side window of his friend's car. Yep, I remember those days. Hope they washed it off quick, that stuff'll remove the clear coat.

From what he remembers he did a shot of:

Jameson's Irish whisky

Something called a 'Peppermint Patty' which no doubt contained Rumplemintz.

Something else called a 'Red-headed slut'. I have no idea of it's contents and neither does he. It's small wonder he puked.

I bet he slept well.


THE
THAT COULD HAVE
BEEN ME
AARDVARK

I think it is safe to say that we will all enjoy any stories you might have of your kid getting drunk. We can live through him, all of us (except those of us that are still drinking, driving, puking and swearing as a matter of course, in which case I assume there's some empathy).

Pinner, what do you think of potato vodka, can you recommend a potato vodka? Bonus Question: Why was potato vodka historically significant? Wikipedia says it revolutionized things, but doesn't explain why, CITATION MOTHERFUCKER, DO YOU NEED IT?

Vodka is vodka, regardless of the ingredient used to make it. People say they can tell subtle differences in aroma or taste, but if it's done well, you shouldn't be able to tell much at all. It's pure alcohol mixed with water. Who cares where the alcohol came from.

But if you really wanna have a potato vodka, Chopin is the most highly regarded of the expensive brands if you want to act all high-class, but for the cheap end, I would go for Monopolowa.

No, I don't know potato vodka's significance, other than I thought that vodka was originally made from potatoes.

it diversified the Irish economy when George Washington O'Carver found over 400 uses for the previously neglected crop.

I was always under the assumption that the people made vodka from potatoes when they couldn't grow wheat or corn due to the climate, or soil conditions or spells placed on the farm by evil sorcerers that lived in the neighboring mountains. Sort of a low end back-up distillation method.
I gather that they could get pretty good at it over the years if they sell it alongside of regular brands.



THE
2 OUNCES OF
COLD TUBER JUICE
AARDVARK

Knuckles the CLown wrote:it divirisfied the Irish economy when George Washington O'Carver found over 400 uses for the previously neglected crop.

It's good to see you here again.