Jolt Country

So I'm riding home today and I'm stopped at a light. I look over and see this grandpa car ( I think it was a Le Sabre or Delta 88 ) being driven by what appears, at first glance, to be a rotten apple wearing a bright blue wig. Upon closer scrutiny, I discover that the apple is in fact an old person with dyed hair a color that would have made grapes blush in embarrassment.
The sun was shining in through the car window on her hair turning it a shade that can only be described as electric grape kool aid.
So I ruminated on this for the rest of the journey home.
Thinks I; 'Who would WANT to look like that, on purpose?'
Nobody I know would ever try to achieve that look. I'm not just talking about the hair but the whole thing. I'm certainly not going to look like that if I ever get old.
So now I'm going to write a childrens' book titled: 'Where Do Old People Come From?'
It will cover the double bags at the grocery store checkout, the blue rinses, the body odor, the narrow opinions, bingo and everything else I can think of.

THE
VENERABLE MICROSCOPE
AARDVARK

Don't forget about the complaining at restaurants! (And most other places!)

Having recently been employed with a health insurance company, I can without a doubt state that many if not all old people issues can be attributed to brain damage caused by attempting to understand Medicare.

-LG

Lest we not forget the inability to understand any technology past the household Zippo lighter.


One day little Charla is at breakfast and asks her parents where old people come from. They try and explain to her how it works, citing examples from their own pasts. This doesn't completely settle her question, however. Driving on the way to daycare, Charla sees more and more old people and has her doubts about her parents' explanations (after all, they told her about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and Jesus so how can a small girl be sure?)
While in day care she asks some of the other children and social workers. They giver her a variety of different answers. Needless to say she becomes more confused than ever. Finally she decides to find out for herself and slips out of the daycare in order to talk to old people.
She walks the streets towards downtown and happens upon a mumbling bag lady (looking much like the cat lady on The Simpsons) who does not help her much.
By this time her parents show up at the day care and realize she is gone. There is the frantic call to the police, The frantic drive around the nearby streets. Finally a call from an old folks home reporting about a lost girl. Everybody is safe and sound by the last page.

THE
PLOT SYNOPSES
AARDVARK