Jolt Country

Well, I can't get past the first level of the new Contra have been playing it maybe for an hour and a half and already have my complete opinion of it.

It is Contra just on boss rotation.

Someone accidently made the game's mode constantly stuck in boss rotation and the enemies inbetween are to keep you from getting bored ... I can't accept that it is really Contra.

The bosses opperate off of nuiances. Like the first boss shoots a little stream of puke that splatters on the back of my shoe and I die. With being able to make 3d fire rather than 2d fire it becomes asinine to avoid.

Don't fool yourself you aren't going to EVER get taken down by anything but a boss unless you aren't paying attention. The bosses are the only thing you need to deal with. Everything else feels like filler. I swear if stage two has a napalm floor I quit.

Wait for updates as tomorrow I realize I don't like the game because I can't beat the first stage and that alone and I finally beat it and brave the SECOND stage!

I am back avid readers!

I have finished the first stage with a rank of C with out really a bead of sweat off my brow. So I giddily like a fourteen year old girl who is about to lose her virginity loaded up the second stage. Of course I took no time to save my first level accomplishments for I have no time for such things.

On this second level I see a submarine in the distance hurling various shit at me. After getting the pattern down I am set. Which really didn't matter due to the fact that the pattern of fire lasted half a minute. Then the submarine attacks I kill it in a few seconds and it transforms into a helicopter. I noticed something funny about the helicopter. It was almost exactly like the craft I had faced in a previous Contra! It seems Konami decided that they should put as many things from Contra 3 into this new contra but cram them all into FOUR LEVELS. There is some sort of story line. I really couldn't give a shit about a character from Contra dying --storyline-wise-- because it really does not seem possible.

So I knock off the helicopter after a few tries and the next thing that plagues me makes me notice another thing. Where are the infantry guys? There were a few in the first level. Real pathetic losers who didn't even have damn guns the only way they could kill you is if YOU jumped into them.

So back to this next vex, right? They are troops with rockets on their backs who launch at you and you avoid. I too remember this from another Contra game.

I guess if you want Contra 3 gift wrapped for today's generation of hyper active and crack addled youth because I guess more than four levels is just too fucking long. This doesn't prevent them though from making each level damn tedious by making a easily finished stage but a boss who's fire will always hit you unless you notice the slight nuiance of the way it is designed to skim your boot. This is not looking good.

Catch me in a few fucking days when I try to give this game a last hurrah before taking it back to the video store. Until then I'm going to play Contra: Legacy of war for the Sega Saturn which I thought was one of the worst Contra titles until now.