Jolt Country

For many of us, Jolt Country has been the centerpiece of our internet experience. Much of it has to do with a local populace that treats each and every visitor like an old favorite friend. Some of it has to do with the entrancing mixture of soul-crushing sorrow, personal triumph, and flawlessly executed side-splitting humor provided by Ben, Robb, and many others which kept the heart of this institution beating for many years. It also helps that from time to time we were visited by SERIAL RAPISTS, Medium-Sized Bears, and bugs awaiting new keys (6-8 weeks).

So, it goes without saying the upcoming END of the great Jolt Country BBS on March 31st is indeed a sobering thought for us. What really begs to be said, though, is that this sobriety is killing me. It's fucking killing me. So I have decided to raise a glass aloft in honor of a fallen friend, and will continue to do so (drinking all the while) until that final, fateful hour.

BEER: Ten Fidy

Brewed by Oskar Blues of Lyons, Colorado, a relatively new brewery who engages in the uncommon craft beer practice of canning all their beers. Ten Fidy is their latest release, an Imperial Stout weighing in at 9.4% ABV that serves as the brewery's winter seasonal.

What gurgles forth from the can is a thick gunky, crude oil black body sporting a dark tan head. Scents of thick blackstrap molasses and roasted grains greet the nose, followed by notes of chocolate syrup, licorice, and espresso. The beer flexes its muscles and punches you in the mouth with flavors of sweet, roasted maltiness. The flavor abounds in molasses, chocolate fudge, and fresh-brewed coffee with bittersweet smoky undertones. The long, smokey-sweet chocolate laden finish is heavenly. The beer, hefty though it may be is still exceedingly smooth, mildly carbonated, and leaves a lingering creaminess on the palate. All in all, a perfect example of an imperial stout.

Beyond Ten Fidy, the brewery's canned line-up includes Dale's Pale Ale, Gordon, and Old Chub.

To Jolt Country!!

Wait, Rob, I thought you had pardoned me?

Under normal circumstances I don't drink at all, but on Monday I was with some friends and someone was pouring shots of Skyy. There was an orphan sort of off to the side that nobody seemed to be paying much attention to, so I took care of it.

I'd never had vodka before and that shit was nasty going down. However, there was quite a pleasant aftertaste after several seconds, and kind of a light burn at the back of my throat. I'd do it again, but I don't know my own capacity for alcohol and I don't want to get drunk.

I ended up acting in sort of a motherly capacity to everyone else all night because I was the only one still in full control of my faculties. Yay vomit on carpets.

JC wrote:Wait, Rob, I thought you had pardoned me?

Yeah, well, there's a new sheriff in town. Fill out your dinner request for your last meal. According to the rest of the Internet, that means steaks and strawberry milkshakes.

"There's a new sheriff in town." -- Seth Bullock

ChainGangGuy wrote:Brewed by Oskar Blues of Lyons, Colorado, a relatively new brewery who engages in the uncommon craft beer practice of canning all their beers. Ten Fidy is their latest release, an Imperial Stout weighing in at 9.4% ABV that serves as the brewery's winter seasonal.

There is one bouncer there who takes his job too seriously. Whenever we are there for the classic arcade games downstairs, and not for the bands, they usually let us in with no cover. The place is small, the arcade room right there, and the stage and seating area quite visible from the doors. If someone were to lie and sit for the band, it would be really fucking obvious, so most of the guys just let the game players in to the downstairs, and then the bar makes more money.

This one douche not only refused to let us in for the games and acted like he was doing us this huge fucking favor by lowering the cover to $5, but then he said, when I told him that everyone else just lets the game players in because they're still, you know, dropping quarters in the games and drinking, that he seriously doubted that. Right, because it's that ludicrous that people who were not going for the bands, and who could be easily viewed if they were lying, would not have to pay a cover. Dick.

As these final days wind down, often I find my thoughts turning to long-lost members. As I was sitting there, stemless Reidel in hand, waiting for the next beer to chill, I thought of Matedire. Surely you all remember him, right? The young man who's frothing hatred of "FAT WOMEN" won him a special place in all our hearts. He enriched and embettered a young, growing Jolt Country, and I dare say we are all much poorer for his loss. At last count, over four years have passed since his last post, and so today's Jolt Country Toast is partially dedicated to his memory.

BEER: Saison Dupont

Saison, meaning “season” is often referred to as a “farmhouse beer” because it hails from the rural farmlands of Southern Belgium and is currently produced by breweries that are located on the sites of former (and occasionally working) farms.

Originally, saison beer was brewed in winter prior to the advent of modern refridgeration and were meant to slake the thirst of local field labourers as they toiled endlessly during the hot summer months and brewed upwards to a strength of 8% ABV to keep their minds off their meager, meaningless existence. Nowadays, saison beers are being brewed up throughout the entire calendar year, with many more each year being produced by American breweries (e.g., Southampton Saison, Victory V-Saison).

Well-known as one of the classic benchmark examples of the saison style, Saison Dupont comes to us from the Brasserie Dupont, located in the Wallonian region of Belgium, who've been in the business of churning out fine saisons since 1844. The brewery currently produces several varieties of saisons, including their Foret (an organic saison) and Bons Voeux (a saison brewed specifically with the end-of-the-year holidays in mind).

A rustic-looking, shimmering blonde body capped by a tall, rocky crest of airy foam. Already a fine aroma of white pepper, meadow flowers, and citrusy lemon peel great the nose. A delicate bready malt flavor with a touch of sweetness start things off. Lemony citrus esters marked by an adept acidity sway the taste, accompanied by a complex, peppery yeast character and just the perfect amount of hop bitterness. Overall, there's a slight funkiness betraying its farmhouse heritage. The body of the brew is relatively light and abundant in carbonation. Finishes crisp and refreshing, with a hint of yeast and a slight citric bite. The flavors gracefully gliding across the palate and the strong bitterness culminates into a beer that's an unrivelled thirst-quenchener.

Mmm-boy! That's good saison.

Recommended Food Pairing: Chorizo & Roasted Poblano Quesadillas

As far as food pairings are concerned, the saison is a tremendously versatile style. In this case, the potent hop character and altogether crisp finish will not only stand up to, but also complement and contrast the chile-strewn concoctions of our very own Ben "Pinback" Parrish.

It's perfectly normal for people to change and make new internet friends; those old websites no longer fitting in with their lifestyle anymore. A damn shame for sure, but that's life. As they say, Matedire, you may be gone, but you're not forgotten.

Goodbye, Matedire. We hardly knew ye.

To Matedire!! To Jolt Country!!

That motherfucker still owes me $200.

Vitriola wrote:There is one bouncer there who takes his job too seriously.

I would say the entire joint takes itself too seriously, as I've never known a brewpub to have in their employ one, let alone a multitude of bouncers.

Then again, I can't think of very many brewpubs that host live bands or have a cache of classic games. Shame on me for not fully realizing you need blues to truly make it Oskar Blues.

It's a very well-respected blues bar in a very upscale and lovely mountain town.

ChainGangGuy wrote:It's perfectly normal for people to change and make new internet friends; those old websites no longer fitting in with their lifestyle anymore. A damn shame for sure, but that's life.

Craigslist is my new favorite internet spot. What's not to like about a place full of opportunities, rancorous discourse, and hundreds of people dying to give me stuff for free. Just last week I picked up a beautiful almost new Weber charcoal grill, complete with a waterproof cover, an almost full bag of kingsford charcoal and a full bottle of lighter fluid. The guy even thanked me for taking it. This site never gave me anything for free so good riddance.

Actually, I hope for this place that you do pull the plug after the date that Ben selected.
Because there's nothing lamer than threatening to close up shop to obtain that all elusive "content" and then stick around after a few heebs actually put a little effort into their posts.

"I'm leaving... forever!!!"

I'd like to toast CB's (Custom Brewcrafters) Double Dark Cream Porter. Smells like coffee, tastes like good.
Cheers!

When Robb and I bought our furniture set from some guy, he had tastefully decorated home, was obviously Mr. Businessman, who was goin' back to Cali because his company wanted him there that much. While the men were moving the sofa, I saw a wine rack, and checked it out. First of all, wine rack. Second, among all the titles, most of whom did not look expensive but were definitely selected for not being well-known, as I did not recognize any of them, sat a 2006 vintage Charles Shaw cabernet. I am still not sure if this was done in irony or not. He did not seem the ironic sort, but someone could have just given it to him, who knows.

This guy, who was obviously annoyed that he had to come down on the price of his furniture even when nobody else looked at it, had to break it down to me. He told me that I was getting this furniture at "$100 per piece!" I didn't think the ottoman was worth as much as the sofa and loveseat and tables, but whatev. He dropped no less than 4 times what he paid for it retail. It's only worth what someone else will pay for it, Dude Whose Company Pays All His Moving Expenses.

So getting messages from old friends in regards to special people online remebering that I hate fat chicks....thats cool. Cause I do. And I greatly miss Vitrecola as well. This $200 dollars!!! WTF for?! i dont remeber that was a long time ago and well sorry. I do miss you guys a lot tho.

Also another thing, is Jolt Country closing down? I was reading some posts that something is supposed to happen on March 31st. But yeah, miss ya Dana!!! and the dude you live with, which I know is Ice cream Jonsey, but dont remeber his real name. No offense. Still hate fat chicks.

See you all around,

Matedire

BEER: Avery India Pale Ale

Avery's IPA has the proud noteriety of being the brewery's first beer to roll down their newly installed bottling line in 1996 as well as being their most popular brew by a wide margin. Right on. However, most JC'ers recognize Avery IPA as the official beer of the Army of Love.

With our hearts held firmly in one hand and a frosty, standard issue Avery IPA in the other, we marched head-first onto the battlefield in search of love and companionship. We troops experienced numerous encounters with the (sometimes ficticious) enemy over multiple tours of duty and forever gained a sense of brotherhood and comradierie that somehow carried us through the emotional onslaught.

Avery IPA pours a strikingly clear orange-gold body, forming a foamy, albiet short-lived white head. The malts leave the hops to dominate the aroma with bright notes of citrus and pineapple, as well as a hint of pine. As with the nose, the flavor is definitely hop-forward, with only a lean, yet somehow adequate malt backbone to support a peppy bitterness (listed at 69 IBU's). Not afraid to show off its fruity side, the beer yields flavors of fresh grapefruit, juicy pineapple rings, and lemon wedges. Again, there's only a hint of pine. The body remains relatively light and with ample carbonation, keeps the beer firmly held in easy-drinking territory. The finish is lasting, leaving you with a reminding bite that demands yet another sip. A beer so tasty, I fought the urge to have two more (unsuccessfully, but still).

Recommended Food Pairing: Anything on the menu at The Phoenix Palm.

Though the Army of Love was unceremoniously disbanded way back in 2005, this veteran's thirst for a satisfying, flavorful Avery IPA has long endured.

To The Army of Love!! To Jolt Country!!

co wrote:Craigslist is my new favorite internet spot.

Yay "Casual Encounter" whores!

Bruce

Vitriola wrote:a 2006 vintage Charles Shaw cabernet

I drink Charles Shaw.

I mean, come on. It's $3 a bottle (apparently $2 in California) and it gets you drunk and doesn't make you instantly vomit. What's not to love?

Bruce

I could just sit here and read the beer descriptions and virtually taste the beers! MMMMmm, beer!

I'd never had vodka before

Dude!

Well, ya gotta start somewheres....

I received the same gift from two different people last Christmas.
along with a case of beer faithfully brewed from actual turn of the century recipes. Still working on some of them.


THE
ON THE WAGON
AARDVARK

bruce wrote:I drink Charles Shaw.
I mean, come on. It's $3 a bottle (apparently $2 in California) and it gets you drunk and doesn't make you instantly vomit. What's not to love?

Not a thing! Two buck Chuck! It was just amusing. Can't something just be amusing for it's own sake, and not get someone's girdle in a ruckus? I just liked that it was in the rack right there among the lesser-known microbrews (or whatever you call small allotment wines from small wineries).

Jack Straw wrote:Actually, I hope for this place that you do pull the plug after the date that Ben selected.
Because there's nothing lamer than threatening to close up shop to obtain that all elusive "content" and then stick around after a few heebs actually put a little effort into their posts.

How is lame to get you lot to finally throw together something other than pot and kettle posts?

"I'm leaving... forever!!!"

Hahaha, years later, seeing that line pop up still works.

I'd like to toast CB's (Custom Brewcrafters) Double Dark Cream Porter. Smells like coffee, tastes like good.
Cheers!

Cheers!

ChainGangGuy wrote:With our hearts held firmly in one hand and a frosty, standard issue Avery IPA in the other, we marched head-first onto the battlefield in search of love and companionship. We troops experienced numerous encounters with the (sometimes ficticious) enemy over multiple tours of duty and forever gained a sense of brotherhood and comradierie that somehow carried us through the emotional onslaught.

They were always real in our hearts. I'd just like to take this opportunity, even though I have eleven days left, to say "thanks" to all the fake posters who have made this place worth while.

Dishbringer. Gaybot Da King-Like Simulacra. I'm Not Giving My Name to a Computer. Protagonist X. Christ-Like Figure. Al-Muntaqim. j/s/toker. All will be missed, but all are truly loved.

And I honestly could never tell the difference between the real Da King and Da King-like Simulacrum.