Jolt Country

I think this is the most critical pick in Houston Texans history. We'll be talking about this for the next ten years. No, not that they selected Mario Williams over Reggie Bush, but whether or not they will immediately announce a guy they signed 12 hours ago... or if they will WASTE ALL OF AMERICA'S FUCKING TIME FOR FIFTEEN MINUTES.

If they don't instantly announce this selection and how they managed to fuck up taking the best player to come out of the draft in years then it is fucking on. The Texans instantly move up to "most hated team status." It's like our trade status with China, only there's no diplomatic LYING.

Commercials I already hate:

The Coors Love Train shit. This is going to be a loooooooooong draft.

The greasy, unkempt guy who is telling you, through unbelieving, closed eyes, that ESPN Mobile isn't just a god damn update thing for your phone, it's got UNIQUE FEATURES. And then he tries to get in good with someone from ESPN, which is a tired gag I've seen them use for at least ten years. Haha, the ESPN anchor blew off --

Wait, who is this Eurotrash guy introducing the draft, oh, how did this happen.

It's fucking 10:14 god damn it ANNOUNCE THE PICK.

Vernon Davis is CRYING about going to the Niners. I couldn't be happier. I wouldn't touch this guy with your penis.

Fodge is over and we just saw the Bills pick. I think everyone over here just got sick.

Leinart is definitely going to the Cardinals. I love the Lions pick, because I am not a Lions fan. THANKS FOR LEAVING TALENT FOR THE REST OF US!!!

So the Bills just traded into the first round.

"If we do not take an offensive lineman, we will have the first overall pick next year." -- Aaron Fodge, 4/29/2006.

I am predicting that they take Justice.

Nobody took Justice. I want the Saints to take him. No Justice, no peace!

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:So the Bills just traded into the first round.
"If we do not take an offensive lineman, we will have the first overall pick next year." -- Aaron Fodge, 4/29/2006.

It took 4 more picks before anyone could figure out who the guy was that Buffalo took.

The Saints traded the #2 pick in the second round to the Browns for the 11th pick in the second. We also got their center, Jeff Faine.

You may recall that the Browns signed our center, LeCharles Bentley, in the off season.

"So this is like people who work at adjacent fast food restaurants who are sick of their own food, so they trade it to each other?" -- Vitriola

Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!

Grades:

SAINTS: A. Got the best player in the draft, which has never happened to the Saints before. Solved the problem at center. The awesomeness of Reggie Bush offsets the oddity of grabbing a safety with the second pick. Managed to come out of the first day with three players, one a former first-round pick of the Browns.

BILLS: D. Holy crap, they could have traded down and got the guys they wanted both times. They traded UP to get a guy they could have traded down for. Unreal.

ESPN: F. They played the two commercials that I couldn't stand every fucking break. They talked over picks. They didn't announce trades. They ran their stupid, stupid feel good puff pieces over the draft and took forever to implement the "CURRENT SELECTION" marquee. They get worse every year. Career-ending performance for Berman. Mortenson brings nothing to the table. Not nearly enough Kiper. Irvin is a stupid, simple clown who has nothing to offer and must have snorted a couple lines towards the end of the first. Terrible production. I really think I go to the NFL Network next year where it's not such a loathsome circus. I have been turned into a lifelong anti-customer of Coors.

I somehow have this picture of all the new draft guys lined up aginst a brick wall and the head coaches of all the teams consult clipboards and say; Johnson!

Horsefoot!

doofy guy in the hat!

Red!

Bob's friend from Tampa!


And they all gather in thier groups of 40.


THE
SCHOOLYARD
SANDLOT
AARDVARK

Here is one guy's post on how the draft ended up. It's funny.

http://thebrushback.com/draft.htm