Due to a recent Craigslist post, as well as my continuing subscription to Yahoo Personals, we've recently experienced a tremendous influx of new meat to butcher! I am quite literally (literally, mind you) SWIMMIN IN CYBERWIMMIN! Let's take a gander at what's been going on lately!
We'll start with an oldie but goodie:
Name: Anja K.
Nickname: "Germy" (credit: Clash)
Picture: Here!
How Met: Earlier Craigslist post.
Status: MISSING
Updates:
- Yeah, ain't heard from ol' Anja K. in a while. Perhaps she discovered something about my heritage that just didn't sit right.
Chance of Success: Dunno. 3%? (Was: 20%)
Enthusiasm Level: Nein!
--- Now, for the new contestants! ---
Name: Nikki Wheeler
Nickname: Pornbrows
Picture: Here!
How Met: Craigslist Post
Status: Possible involvement in child pornography.
Code: Select all
> benmustard: "My journey has really taken me to a good place in my life. I am
> totally comfortable with my self and I acknowledge areas where I can grow and be better."
> benmustard: Yeah. I think I'll throw that one back.
> VitriolaX: Why? Sounds good to me.
> benmustard: Who TALKS like that?
> benmustard: "Hey, I'm Ben." "Hi. I'm at a good place in my life where I
> can grow."
> VitriolaX: It's just the obvious trap of thinking you have to impress
> someone right from the very first contact. That rarely happens, but most
> people think it.
> VitriolaX: I'd answer it.
> benmustard: That's her saying this to me, you understand.
> VitriolaX: To me, this is her trying to say, but not realizing she HAS to
> say, I've had kind of a hard life, you could probably dig up some amateur
> porn of me on the net, but, like, I'm ok now.
> benmustard: It would probably ease her nerves a bit if I just asked straight
> away where the amateur porn is.
> VitriolaX: Yeah, and that you're 'ok' with that.
- Smart, educated, career-driven (sugar-mommy?)
- Seems very nice. Comes from DC, so we have that in common.
Cons:
- Not comfortable with the underage porn angle.
- That picture... hmm. Let's see if she can do better than that.
Chance of Success: Tenuous
Enthusiasm Level: Eh. Let's just play it by ear.
Name: Sarah Meade
Nickname: None yet. It takes time for nicknames to come out, you know.
Picture: Here!
How Met: Yahoo Personals
Status: Waaaaaiting.
Pros:
- Again, seems very personable, very nice.
- I would like to date a girl named "Sarah" right after Clash broke up with his "Sarah". That would be awesome.
- Likes golf, and sucks at it, so we can share that experience together, and I can also get the joy that comes from crushing a lesser player at the same time!
Cons:
- Self-described as "not sitting at a computer my whole life", so email responses of any kind take a full 24 hours at best, and often longer, so the process of getting to know the person is taking a loooong time. "How are you today?" (wait two days) "Fine, thanks. Or wait, did you mean two days ago?"
- I fear black and white photos. They can hide so much.
Chance of Success: Who the hell knows?
Enthusiasm Level: Well, I--
HOLY FUCK! Well, lookie there, JUST as I was writing that, I got an email from her, not two or three hours later than the last one! And the first line in it describes how she got on the Old Chicago's Wall of Fame in Greeley for getting over 100 beers on her World Beer Tour card!
Enthusiasm Level: THIRSTY!!!!
Name: "Dottie"
Nickname: "Biotch" (self-applied)
Picture: Here! (on the left)
How Met: Craigslist Post
Status: LUNATIC
Pros:
- A blast to chat with, if only because she's completely insane.
- Probably fun in the sack.
Cons:
- Lunatic. I wish I'd saved the logs.
- Possibly heavily into drugs. (Or is that a Pro?)
- Stated within 30 minutes that she REALLY wanted to meet me, and DEFINITELY only wanted to be friends ("no more, no less"). After 30 minutes.
- I just asked her in chat how old she was, and she hung up. So, might not be hearing from ol' Dottie. Crazy person!
Chance of Success: Depends on if she takes her medicine.
Enthusiasm Level: Clinically Insane
Name:: Brandi
Nickname: Brandi! (that's with an exclamation mark)
Picture: Here!
How Met: Craigslist Post
Status: CANCUN
Pros:
- NOW we're talkin' (see: pic)
- Again, very nice, pleasant, blah blah blah.
Cons:
- Well, she'll be in Cancun for the next week, so I won't have any updates for you on this one shortly.
- "You'll spend a lot of time at malls. But once you get home!!" - Clash
- That's about it, so far, though. No real cons to speak of yet. GTA Cheat Code: YET.
Chance of Success: Unknown!
Enthusiasm Level: Tired! This is very tiring. This whole thing is very very tiring.
Anyway, there you go. Tune in next time when...
...god am I tired of this.
