Jolt Country

Right now, right this very second, I'm out of control. Out of control emotionally. Earlier today, I was fine. Last week, I was fine. Most of the last two months, I've been fine.

Right now, I am out of control, and I very much hate it. The first major, huge, battering test of all the "self-help" tenets and principles I've studied, embraced, and espoused over the same two-month period (and what a joyous period it has been, don't get me wrong!) They are not utterly failing, as I'm careful not to frame this as a self-condemnation.

But right now, right now, happiness is a week ago. Happiness is a month ago.

Because right now, I'm out of control.

I'm writing this in hopes that it will be therapeutic, just letting whatever I want to write come out onto the page unfiltered. Also, I'm writing this in hopes that the rest of you will make condescending, obnoxious comments in response.

I know you won't let me down. I'm out of control, but that much, I know.

Fuck.

FUCK.

I hate this.

pinback wrote:Because right now, I'm out of control.

When I get that way I just drink heavily, and then when I wake up again it's less bad.

Bruce

I'm having a taste of rum, but I do not believe this is the key to the solution.

I've opened a text editor and begun typing in "self-talking", coaching and explaining to myself the mental errors resulting in my out-of-controlness. It's helping. A little. Sort of.

I would share it here, but then this would turn into the SNT BBS, and the sysop would begin running off all of his friends, and then nobody would ever come here again.

Figure out what is making you feel this way.

Hit control-alt-delete. End task.

pinback wrote:Right now, I am out of control, and I very much hate it. The first major, huge, battering test of all the "self-help" tenets and principles I've studied, embraced, and espoused over the same two-month period (and what a joyous period it has been, don't get me wrong!) They are not utterly failing, as I'm careful not to frame this as a self-condemnation.

It's OK to make mistakes! You're gonna pull through.

But right now, right now, happiness is a week ago. Happiness is a month ago.

Good things happen to good people!

I'm writing this in hopes that it will be therapeutic, just letting whatever I want to write come out onto the page unfiltered. Also, I'm writing this in hopes that the rest of you will make condescending, obnoxious comments in response.

You're a good guy, Pinner. I've always liked you.

I know you won't let me down. I'm out of control, but that much, I know. Fuck. FUCK. I hate this.

Gimme a call if you'd like to discuss this further.

Things are a little better in the harsh light of morning. Thank you all for helping me through this most difficult of times!

pinback wrote:Things are a little better in the harsh light of morning. Thank you all for helping me through this most difficult of times!

I'm glad we were able to help out and not condescend at you, you huge human tear duct.

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:you huge human tear duct.

:__(

Listen to emo music. Like Embrace.

Happiness is a slippery slope. I don't know what it is that fuels your melancholy, but I can assure you that I can relate. The best advise I can give is to take into account yourself. *You* at your core, does not want to feel this way. Your soul wants to feel unfettered, and absolved of spiritual burden. You have to let whatever it is that is keeping your resonance so low, go. You can take your heart, and let it burn with your own fire. You cannot harbour the negative emotions; they will consume you. Take what you have of yourself, and carry on. I have been going through a very difficult time in my life, and I feel like I am falling apart, but, I know that when the rubble is formed, and the ashes are gone, I will dust myself off, and remain. That's the only thing we really have Ben, ourselves. You can go through life with the faith that others can carry you when your wings are broken; however, I believe such naivete to be born of a desire for something outside of ourselves. I think that you are a complete person, and you may not feel it at times, somewhere inside you know it to be true. Do not let the desires of the heart lead you into confusion, as that was my mistake.

Reassess the nature of your life and yourself. Ask yourself what it is that your soul desires, and discern what it is that will truly carry you through; you cannot fly with broken wings.

Carry on, Mr. Parrish.