The Metalshow Denizen Files
Posted: Sun Mar 14, 2004 5:10 pm
IceCreamJonsey: http://espn.go.com/page2/s/simmons/010808.html
VitriolaX: I actually have page 2 saved, I just always forget to go there.
IceCreamJonsey: I thought I would send you that one in case the Blue Jays ever came to town.
IceCreamJonsey: It's not enough that you hate baseball, hating everyone in the stadium would be an important "buzzkill" to the event.
VitriolaX: Which guy are you?
VitriolaX: Wait, I'm going to pick you out.
IceCreamJonsey: I USED to be one guy there, but not any longer.
VitriolaX: I go watch sports, I'm used to trash talk, effective and otherwise.
IceCreamJonsey: Anyway, here is who I am:
IceCreamJonsey: The guy who's dipping Skoal and spitting juice on the floor.
IceCreamJonsey: The guy who keeps swearing in a section filled with kids.
IceCreamJonsey: In real life I have been: The guy wearing a replica jersey of
someone who isn't on the team anymore
VitriolaX: You think I couldn't write this same list about metal concerts?
VitriolaX: 1) The guy who screams out the name of the band's best song from the moment they get on stage.
VitriolaX: 2) The guy who screams out all the lyrics to all the songs, right into your ear.
VitriolaX: 3) The guy that thrashes his hair around so that nobody can get within 4 feet of him.
VitriolaX: 4) The drunk guy who keeps swerving into you.
VitriolaX: 5) The guy doing the windmill
VitriolaX: 6) The guy who keeps screaming 'you suck' and tries to get a chant going.
VitriolaX: 7) The guy smoking the bowl, thinking nobody sees him.
IceCreamJonsey: 8) The guy who comes up to hit on your girlfriend the instant you leave to get a couple beers.
VitriolaX: 9) The fat guy who leaps onto the crows of people going for the drumstick
VitriolaX: 10) The crowdsurfer who kicks
VitriolaX: 11) The guy who squirts his own bottled water over his own naked, sweaty chest and head, and then shakes his head, doggie-style
VitriolaX: 12) The guy who bitches that he liked the band long before all these kids heard that one song that got played that one time on that popular show
IceCreamJonsey: 13) The guy who doesn't want to mosh but is too close to the mosh pit
and throws moshers away from him when they get too close.
VitriolaX: (you're supposed to do that)
IceCreamJonsey: Oh.
IceCreamJonsey: 14) The guy who is selling CDs out front who tells everyone that he used to be in the band.
VitriolaX: hee
VitriolaX: 15) The really tall guy who stands right in front of the really short girl
VitriolaX: 16) The guy who buys a beer, and then stands right newxt to the mosh pit, and spills it on everyone.
VitriolaX: 17) the guy who keeps trying for the band handshake, even though he already got one.
IceCreamJonsey: 18) The guy who is a little too into touching the hand of the (male) lead singer when said lead singer goes down to swipe the crowd.
VitriolaX: 19) The topless sweaty guy who stands right next to your bare arm.
IceCreamJonsey: 20) The guy who wears the "Brodie Bruce" t-shirt to the concert. (OK,
that is probably not universal, but still. That guy.)
VitriolaX: 21) The guy who brings his girlfriend who doesn't like the band, then
leaves when she starts bitching and wants to go home
VitriolaX: 22) The goth chick who likes the band, but won't give up the image for 2 fucking hours to maybe not wear the stiletto heels and get down in front, for once.
VitriolaX: 23) The blonde chick in leather who jus KNOWS everyone there wants her, even if she's not particularly attractive.
VitriolaX: 24) The same, but 45 years old.
VitriolaX: 25) Pot-bellied halter top girl
IceCreamJonsey: hahaha
[VitriolaX: 26) The girl who thinks she can cut in line because it's january and she's wearing a sleeveless shirt, even though everybody else is cold, too
VitriolaX: 27) The girl who starts talking to you, until she finds out you have
no drugs.
VitriolaX: 28) The white guy with dreds
VitriolaX: 29) The guy who wraps his arms around his girlfriend every second they are there, as if she's going to disappear if he lets go. Just to let everyone know she's there with HIM.
IceCreamJonsey: Yeah, nuts to that guy.
VitriolaX: 30) The guy with their first tour t-shirt, who glares at all the guys with the shirt they just bought that night.
VitriolaX: 31) The bloody guy who doesn't care.
VitriolaX: 32) The guy who thinks it's cool to push non-participating
concertgoers into the pit
IceCreamJonsey: Yeah, that guys needs a bullet in the head.
VitriolaX: 33) The guy standing in back who bitches about the moshers.
IceCreamJonsey: 34) The lead singer who really wants to tell you the name of his band and make you memorize it through repetition.
VitriolaX: 35) The lead singer who never names the band at all in a show of 5 bands who have switched places in line.
VitriolaX: with a cancellation.
VitriolaX: 36) The spastic drummer
VitriolaX: 37) The bassist who really wants you to think he's carrying the rest of the band.
VitriolaX: 38) The nu-metal band at a metal lineup who really thinks they shred.
IceCreamJonsey: 39) The guy working the board who got intimidated by a member of the
band who sucks and has them up way too loud.
VitriolaX: 40) The sound board guy who puts in a cd in between sets, but then
doesn't know who it is when you ask.
IceCreamJonsey: haha
IceCreamJonsey: For real?
VitriolaX: ya
VitriolaX: 41) The guy at the bar who says out loud 'i never tip' in earshot of the bartender
VitriolaX: 42) the busy bartender who glares at you when you request that they do not try and save time by not putting a lime on your drinks that require one.
VitriolaX: 43) The hardcore guy who breaks it down in the pit
VitriolaX: 44) The fat white trash guy who shoves him out of the pit
VitriolaX: 45) The asshole bouncer who sees this, and then accidentally grabs
the wrong kid to throw out.
IceCreamJonsey: 46) The bartender who gets a $2 tip on a round and doesn't make you a
priority when you go back up.
IceCreamJonsey: (A round of two drinks I should clarify)
VitriolaX: I actually have page 2 saved, I just always forget to go there.
IceCreamJonsey: I thought I would send you that one in case the Blue Jays ever came to town.
IceCreamJonsey: It's not enough that you hate baseball, hating everyone in the stadium would be an important "buzzkill" to the event.
VitriolaX: Which guy are you?
VitriolaX: Wait, I'm going to pick you out.
IceCreamJonsey: I USED to be one guy there, but not any longer.
VitriolaX: I go watch sports, I'm used to trash talk, effective and otherwise.
IceCreamJonsey: Anyway, here is who I am:
IceCreamJonsey: The guy who's dipping Skoal and spitting juice on the floor.
IceCreamJonsey: The guy who keeps swearing in a section filled with kids.
IceCreamJonsey: In real life I have been: The guy wearing a replica jersey of
someone who isn't on the team anymore
VitriolaX: You think I couldn't write this same list about metal concerts?
VitriolaX: 1) The guy who screams out the name of the band's best song from the moment they get on stage.
VitriolaX: 2) The guy who screams out all the lyrics to all the songs, right into your ear.
VitriolaX: 3) The guy that thrashes his hair around so that nobody can get within 4 feet of him.
VitriolaX: 4) The drunk guy who keeps swerving into you.
VitriolaX: 5) The guy doing the windmill
VitriolaX: 6) The guy who keeps screaming 'you suck' and tries to get a chant going.
VitriolaX: 7) The guy smoking the bowl, thinking nobody sees him.
IceCreamJonsey: 8) The guy who comes up to hit on your girlfriend the instant you leave to get a couple beers.
VitriolaX: 9) The fat guy who leaps onto the crows of people going for the drumstick
VitriolaX: 10) The crowdsurfer who kicks
VitriolaX: 11) The guy who squirts his own bottled water over his own naked, sweaty chest and head, and then shakes his head, doggie-style
VitriolaX: 12) The guy who bitches that he liked the band long before all these kids heard that one song that got played that one time on that popular show
IceCreamJonsey: 13) The guy who doesn't want to mosh but is too close to the mosh pit
and throws moshers away from him when they get too close.
VitriolaX: (you're supposed to do that)
IceCreamJonsey: Oh.
IceCreamJonsey: 14) The guy who is selling CDs out front who tells everyone that he used to be in the band.
VitriolaX: hee
VitriolaX: 15) The really tall guy who stands right in front of the really short girl
VitriolaX: 16) The guy who buys a beer, and then stands right newxt to the mosh pit, and spills it on everyone.
VitriolaX: 17) the guy who keeps trying for the band handshake, even though he already got one.
IceCreamJonsey: 18) The guy who is a little too into touching the hand of the (male) lead singer when said lead singer goes down to swipe the crowd.
VitriolaX: 19) The topless sweaty guy who stands right next to your bare arm.
IceCreamJonsey: 20) The guy who wears the "Brodie Bruce" t-shirt to the concert. (OK,
that is probably not universal, but still. That guy.)
VitriolaX: 21) The guy who brings his girlfriend who doesn't like the band, then
leaves when she starts bitching and wants to go home
VitriolaX: 22) The goth chick who likes the band, but won't give up the image for 2 fucking hours to maybe not wear the stiletto heels and get down in front, for once.
VitriolaX: 23) The blonde chick in leather who jus KNOWS everyone there wants her, even if she's not particularly attractive.
VitriolaX: 24) The same, but 45 years old.
VitriolaX: 25) Pot-bellied halter top girl
IceCreamJonsey: hahaha
[VitriolaX: 26) The girl who thinks she can cut in line because it's january and she's wearing a sleeveless shirt, even though everybody else is cold, too
VitriolaX: 27) The girl who starts talking to you, until she finds out you have
no drugs.
VitriolaX: 28) The white guy with dreds
VitriolaX: 29) The guy who wraps his arms around his girlfriend every second they are there, as if she's going to disappear if he lets go. Just to let everyone know she's there with HIM.
IceCreamJonsey: Yeah, nuts to that guy.
VitriolaX: 30) The guy with their first tour t-shirt, who glares at all the guys with the shirt they just bought that night.
VitriolaX: 31) The bloody guy who doesn't care.
VitriolaX: 32) The guy who thinks it's cool to push non-participating
concertgoers into the pit
IceCreamJonsey: Yeah, that guys needs a bullet in the head.
VitriolaX: 33) The guy standing in back who bitches about the moshers.
IceCreamJonsey: 34) The lead singer who really wants to tell you the name of his band and make you memorize it through repetition.
VitriolaX: 35) The lead singer who never names the band at all in a show of 5 bands who have switched places in line.
VitriolaX: with a cancellation.
VitriolaX: 36) The spastic drummer
VitriolaX: 37) The bassist who really wants you to think he's carrying the rest of the band.
VitriolaX: 38) The nu-metal band at a metal lineup who really thinks they shred.
IceCreamJonsey: 39) The guy working the board who got intimidated by a member of the
band who sucks and has them up way too loud.
VitriolaX: 40) The sound board guy who puts in a cd in between sets, but then
doesn't know who it is when you ask.
IceCreamJonsey: haha
IceCreamJonsey: For real?
VitriolaX: ya
VitriolaX: 41) The guy at the bar who says out loud 'i never tip' in earshot of the bartender
VitriolaX: 42) the busy bartender who glares at you when you request that they do not try and save time by not putting a lime on your drinks that require one.
VitriolaX: 43) The hardcore guy who breaks it down in the pit
VitriolaX: 44) The fat white trash guy who shoves him out of the pit
VitriolaX: 45) The asshole bouncer who sees this, and then accidentally grabs
the wrong kid to throw out.
IceCreamJonsey: 46) The bartender who gets a $2 tip on a round and doesn't make you a
priority when you go back up.
IceCreamJonsey: (A round of two drinks I should clarify)