Jolt Country

You are going to die. There is no escaping that fact.

Hopefully, most of you are intelligent enough to choose cremation, rather than continuing to take up valuable space for eternity.

But, in the case that you do choose to be buried, and that the other things in the coffin are there to just sum up your life, and epitomize your entire existence, let's say you could take three things with you. Three items.

What are they?

I don't think that I would take anything with me. Nothing really means that much to me. I figured I'd donate my body to science. The doctors just can't touch my eyes. I don't want my eyes to get taken from my head.

That is a big fear of mine getting my eyes poked out. So I guess that is the one thing I will take to my grave.

The only thing that means anything to me is my family and friends. If I die I don't want to take them with me. That's really selfish.

pinback wrote:Three items.

What are they?

My sword, my shield, and....the world.

Bruce the Barbarian

A rocket launcher, an artifact of invisibility, and amunition. So when I go to hell, I can just blast my way out.

Is there any chance in hell that I can get some serious answers to this thread?

Any chance at all?

Yerr future sheemsh... waaah... ah, sshhhiit, whaaat wassshh the quesshtion again? I keep fffoooorrrrgettting. Fffffuuck.

Okay. I'm gone. Goodbye forever, all.

pinback wrote:Is there any chance in hell that I can get some serious answers to this thread? Any chance at all?

One item that I would most like to take would be an 8x11 photograph that contained a picture of every friend of mine that I've ever had. And then, I want to have a year scrawled on it with my own blood, so I can make a Nostradamus-like predicition when my own tomb is to be unearthed. I'd make it for something recent, though, like 2014 and then when my tomb is moved in a commercial-residential zoning battle next decade I'll look like I had some cognition power.

That item doesn't exactly exist, though. Yet. YET. Google "I'm Feeling Lucky" Indicator being "YET." So instead -- three items, you say?

1) A copy of Fallacy of Dawn that you can get from Feelies.org.
2) The first Beaver CD. "Mutations."
3) My Saints jersey. I need to look good in the afterlife, dawg.

If someone printed out the text version of everything that's been written on this BBS, that'd be #3, but nobody's done that yet, so that can't make the list.

I'm REALLY interested in what Pinner's is, by the way. I hope that he choses "fingers to be arranged so that middle fingers are both extended" because, hey, that's free and won't count against his limit.

Bandages, Dirt, and a Necklace of my Baby teeth.

Wait, are these things I'd like to have in some goofy Anubis' dance party egyptian after life or just something I believe personify me?

Either/or, Worm, good buddy. Either/or.

But if everyone says "two coins for the ferryman LOL and a sammich of turkey +2" then that doesn't really add up to the kind of quality conversation we're used to here at Jolt Country Enterprises.

In other news, I cannot sleep. Looks like I need to go pull out the PCI Bus Hardware Design book. I wanted to fall asleep naturally, but looks like it's time to bring out the "big guns."

Gale Norton
Dubya
That new US Forest Service guy who thinks that trees need to be cut down so they won't catch on fire. That way, I can look upon eternity knowing that if I accomplished nothing else, at least I took those 3 midden heaps with me.

Well, I've never been good for finding reasons for things or putting much value in objects. I just think those three things personify me ... the Baby Teeth Necklace seems cool and I'm going to save all of my kids for him/her.

pinback wrote:Okay. I'm gone. Goodbye forever, all.

I take this with me. Knowing Pinback will never post here again.

WHAT ABOUT YOU PINBACK ;P ;P :P ;P LOL

My pilot logbook, my Magnolia DVD, and a bottle of Stoli.

pinback wrote:Okay. I'm gone. Goodbye forever, all.

YOU LIE!!!!!!!!!!!!

This dude catches on fast, don't he?

The fact that you decided to take a Magnolia DVD with you rather than a CD containing tracks like "Motherplucker" and "Fart Hehe" would, for a normal person, say volumes about your self-esteem. But for you, it says something really brief: YOU HAVEN'T ANY.

Dammit, Pinback.

But I guess I'm not surprised. To recap:

Pinback: Of his own creations, only bringing his book with him, in order to impress the chicks impressed by pilots in HELL.

Violet: Whiffed on the question; did not answer.

Bruce: Decided to continue to put up his "front." Bruce, we're trying to be your friend here. You need to open up to us.

Space Marine: Now, here, finally. Something dear and true to his heart.

ICJ: Answered seriously, egotistically

Worm: Some MacGuyver / Indiana Jones thing

Vitriola: Three other dudes so she can finally have that four-way... in HELL.

Danzaland: Whiffed on the question, did not answer. HELL.

Angry Stewart Pay--HELL.

Also, what the hell, Ben? You're giving people shit for not wanting to be cremated?

I'll tell you what I want. Well, at my actual funeral it would be nice if there were an attractive woman around my age crying. I'm talking about if this happens in the next couple of years, by that. Aside from that, I hope everyone gets over their sadness and gets a chance to remember some of the more amusing things I've tried to do down here at Terra Firma. That will console me as I am burning in HELL.

But anyway. The name on the tombstone. Yes. I would go just with "SHERWIN," as, let's face it, I'm gonna be the most important guy on the planet who ever had that last name for at least the next few thousand years. But if my first name is placed there, for God's sake, someone make sure it says "ROBB." If you rubes fuck up the capitalization on purpose, that IS enough to turn me into the spirit of vengeance.

Now, do I go with the "HERE LIES" bit before it? That's fine. Or maybe just the name, my two dates, and "HE BROUGHT CONTENT." That should be easy enough to engrave.

I've got full insurance, so direct mom & pop to this thread. They can get the stone and have enough to take that trip to ... well, actually, I have no idea where my parents would like to vacation. Anywhere is fine. I'll have paid for it in life so that they can enjoy it while I burn... in HELL.

Fine....
1) My Gold and Silver stash. Cuz if the Globalists don't get it you won't either.
2) The incomplete illegible selfreflective manuscript that I have dabbled with for sometime.
3) The wedding band from my upcoming nuputials.

Good enough for ye?