Jolt Country

Thanks to the moderate success of several slasher films in the late 70s, theaters in the 1980s were flooded with knock-offs. A few were good, most were forgettable, and the worst of the worst were absolutely terrible. Hospital Massacre falls into the "irredeemable" category.

The film opens with a young boy, Harold, dropping a Valentine off at a classmate's house. Susan, the classmate, discovers the Valentine and, along with her friend David, begin to make fun of it. This makes Harold mad, and when Susan momentarily steps out of the room, Harold uses the moment to kill David. It doesn't seem like this would have been a difficult crime to solve, but before we can question too much the movie jumped forward to present day.

Adult Susan is played by former Playboy Playmate Barbi Benton who eventually offers the only two reasons to watch this film, neither of them being her acting chops. Susan's new healthcare provider has requested she take a physical, which leads her to a hospital. A mysterious killer disguised as a doctor (obviously Harold) infiltrates the hospital and begins to kill people. When he locates the doctor holding Susan's paperwork, he kills him and modifies her case information. When a janitor discovers what has happened, Harold kills him, too. The bulk of the film revolves around Harold screwing around with Susan's hospital paperwork and killing random hospital employees.

Questions I had during the film:

- Did Harold get caught after murdering Susan's friend David as a child?
- Has Harold been stalking Susan for 20 years and simply decided this was the opportune time for revenge?
- How does Harold know how a hospital works?
- How does Harold know how to use surgical tools? Did he get a medical license as part of a really long revenge scheme?
- Why doesn't anyone realize Susan's charts and diagnoses are constantly changing?
- What kind of hospital holds you against your will while taking a routine physical?
- What kind of hospital asks women to strip naked while taking their blood pressure?
- Is being rejected in elementary school on Valentine's Day a enough motive to, 20 years later, murder unrelated hospital employees?

My favorite scene in the film involves the ol' switcheroo. When Susan's boyfriend Jack shows up to the hospital to intervene, Harold decapitates him and packages his head in a gift box which he leaves, complete with a bow, in Susan's bed. After Susan opens the box and discovers Jack's severed head, she screams and runs out of the room for help. When doctors respond, they check the box and inside find... a cake! This implies that Harold, while preparing for his murderous plans, spent time baking and decorating a cake and then, along with everything else, he brought two identical large gift boxes and the cake and then stashed them just in case someone arrived to help Susan. Somehow the thought of this deranged serial killer spending time the night before baking and decorating a cake is more disturbing than most of the movie's kills.

Susan eventually assumes the role of "final girl," taking on Harold in a battle to the death. Toward the end, Harold removes his surgical mask and reveals his name to Susan. It seems odd that Susan would recognize Harold, a person she hasn't seen in 20 years and didn't seem to connect with as a child, but after nearly an hour of being tortured and tormented by this wacko, Susan finally has all she can stands, and can't stands no more.

Hospital Massacre is a dumb, nearly plotless movie that misses the boat. Truly classic slasher films, underneath the scare jumps and bloody guts, always had a plot. This film lacks exciting kills, and hangs them on nothing. To save you from watching this terrible film, here's a clip containing all the film's kills.

That was
Horrible

Was that on late night CineMax or HBO?

Edit: I remember Terror Train was on all the time for a while and I think I saw some of this movie at o.e point. I seem to remember the guy walking down the corridor with a sheet as the nurse runs away

Yeah this was a weird one. I watched it on Tubi about a week ago!

AArdvark wrote: Thu Mar 31, 2022 5:16 pm Was that on late night CineMax or HBO?

Edit: I remember Terror Train was on all the time for a while and I think I saw some of this movie at o.e point. I seem to remember the guy walking down the corridor with a sheet as the nurse runs away

Wikipedia says it was "released regionally in Wichita, Kansas and a brief run in other states on April 23, 1982." It doesn't sound it had a huge release, but if you were in the right place at the right (wrong?) time, it's very possible you could have seen it in the theater. If this made any money at all it was through late night cable or, more likely, through video rentals.

I used to have a copy of Terror Train on VHS, along with a two-for-one tape that had Alice, Sweet Alice (starring a young Brooke Shields) followed by Psychomania. At my first apartment I only had five or six VHS tapes... one with four Three Stooges shorts, a copy of Revenge of the Ninja, and a couple others. When we were too broke to rent anything else to watch or play, that's what we watched.