Jolt Country

The summer of sharks continues with the bucket of chum known as Post Apocalyptic Commando Shark.

In a post-apocalyptic world, the Soviet Union has successfully combined shark and human DNA to create a legion of Commando Sharks. In the film, the Commando Sharks are deadly soldiers that strike fear into men and finish their enemies off by biting off their heads. In real life, they're guys in trench coats wearing paper mache shark masks.

There's a little more to the plot than that, but not much. Most of the action involves mostly overweight white men with bad beards running around the woods playing army. (The good news is, there doesn't seem to be any shortage of cheeseburgers after World War III.) If it hadn't been filmed digitally, the film would look like every home movie I made of my friends and I playing Army in my backyard. Except, you know, with shark heads.



There's also a talking dog, an evil German doctor, and even a spaceship, but the real stars here are the sharks. Unfortunately, this is one of those single note movies where someone came up with a funny idea and then didn't do anything with it. The simple concept of soldiers with shark heads isn't strong enough to support an 80 minute movie. I almost said this is no Jaws, but this isn't even Jaws 4. Do svidaniya, comrade.

Cool, someone took SNL's land shark bit to its logical conclusion.