Jolt Country

We're potentially ("definitely!" - Kathy) moving later this year, so we're undergoing the horrible ("fun!") process of house shopping. Sure, we all have our short-lists of things we look for while perusing house listings. Nice kitchen? Yard good for the dogs? Enough storage space?

But more than anything else, while I'm looking for houses, the one thing I look for the most, because I am totally obsessed with it, is WORDS in people's houses.

From a small throw pillow with "Blessed" stitched into it, to "LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE" stenciled over archways, to full-on Bible quotes scrawled halfway across the wall, I am HYPER-AWARE of words people have in their house. I love it. It makes me laugh. I am obsessed with what a WEIRD thing that is, how utterly bizarre a concept it is to me that people would want to have words -- almost always of the "inspirational" variety -- in their house, constantly talking to them as they pass through it.

I haven't quite figured out why it amazes me so. But I love that it does.

Jolt Country denizens (or at least the ones that Jonsey hasn't banned yet): Do you have WORDS IN YOUR HOUSE?

We have a sign hanging over our back door that says "Do one thing everyday that makes you happy." I think Susan bought it at Hobby Lobby. The first thing I said when I saw it was, "shouldn't that be 'every day' instead of 'everyday'?" That did not make me happy. Also the sign is hanging over the back door. The only time I go out the back door is to yell at the goddamn dog to get her to stop barking.

In our back living room there's a metal sign that says "ARCADE". It also probably came from Hobby Lobby. At the bottom of a sign there's an arrow, pointing as if to say, "here's the arcade!" Except I had to sell all my arcade games when we moved to this house, and my wife bought the sign after that. So really the sign kind of says, "if you had an arcade, this is where it would be. But you don't."

Upstairs in my computer room I have three wooden cubes. Each one is 5"x5" and maybe two inches deep. They have holes on the back and are designed to be hung on the wall, although mine are stacked on a shelf. They say CTRL, ALT, and DEL.

I mean, Jesus Christ.

https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/7906 ... lpage=true

We have the following:

"Live Laugh Love" (everywhere)
"I don't think anyone has ever been murdered in this house" (right as you walk in)
"Robb and Melissa's Wedding Lair" (as you walk down to the arcade)
"Asteroids" (as you walk down to the arcade)
"Q*bert" (as you w -- there are marquees as you walk down to the arcade.)

I believe we have other words in our house.

pinback wrote: Tue Mar 20, 2018 2:07 pm I mean, Jesus Christ.

https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/7906 ... lpage=true

Lame, lame, lame, lame, lame, lame, fucking tight ass Star Wars bedroom, lame, lame, lame.

Hahaha yeah that house sucks.

I have no words displayed in my house.

I got:
"man cave" in the stairwell leading down to the basement studio
"live laugh love" over the fridge
"laundry today or naked tomorrow" in the laundry room

There's also that Irish blessing on a plaque, but that's a seasonal thing.

THE
LITERARY DECORATIONS
AARDVARK

Oh yeah, there's also this...

At the top of my "office" door is a sticker: "This door to remain unlocked during business hours."
On the front door to the house is our address. Another sticker says "Please do not slam this door."
There is also a push/pull sticker with the six national credit cards (Amex, Discover, JCB, M/C, Union Pay and Visa.
Over the two light switches next to it are stickers with "Outside Light" and "Living room". The outside light is taped over so it is not turned off; the switch has a motion sensor.

While Stupido Paul was doing this he had the door open for a moment to look at the sticker. Runner ran right past me and out the door where he thinks its fun for me to try and chase him. All I need is 5 seconds to grab the first thing I can, like his tail. If I get close he runs a little further so I can't reach. Twice I almost got stuck in the grass. He won; I closed the door on him. It's too cold to leave it open. Once he gets cold and hungry, he'll be back. About an hour or so.

I should put up a sign,"I can't believe I fucked up again."

There must be a Runner chase video on your Youtube page in the future!


THE
DASHCAM
AARDVARK

Tdarcos, do you still have that sign on your microwave?

Billy Mays wrote: Thu Mar 22, 2018 6:38 pm Tdarcos, do you still have that sign on your microwave?

Not any more. What sign are you referring to?

Tdarcos wrote: Fri Mar 23, 2018 9:58 amNot any more. What sign are you referring to?

The one explaining your rules of etiquette for when other people use the microwave.

What sign is that? "Paul: don't put the cat in"?

Billy Mays wrote: Fri Mar 23, 2018 12:14 pm

Tdarcos wrote: Fri Mar 23, 2018 9:58 amNot any more. What sign are you referring to?

The one explaining your rules of etiquette for when other people use the microwave.

I honestly don't remember this. Can you find where I mentioned it? I tried doing a search both here and on Caltrops and I might as well change my name to 404.

Probably the amount of time to set on the microwave for the perfect pork patty. Since you've not had one in years it's no wonder 404 showed up.

THE
BUT THERE'S ALWAYS
TOMORROW
AARDVARK

Tdarcos wrote: Sat Mar 24, 2018 10:07 am

Billy Mays wrote: Fri Mar 23, 2018 12:14 pm

Tdarcos wrote: Fri Mar 23, 2018 9:58 amNot any more. What sign are you referring to?

The one explaining your rules of etiquette for when other people use the microwave.

I honestly don't remember this. Can you find where I mentioned it? I tried doing a search both here and on Caltrops and I might as well change my name to 404.

3:32

"Please Do Not use this microwave unless you speak to Paul or Thomas first -Thank You". Turns out someone burned out the last one.

Is it words you desire? Then you shall have them.

In my years as a property manager, dealing with a couple thousand SFH in the Greater Metro Atlanta area, I would see many weird, wild things. Many of which I happily snapped a photo of, both to document and to provide myself future amusement. I do very much wish I had kept more. This tenancy ended in a dispossessory action. Somehow they found the time to pen this halliloquy, but not a money order to cover the rent.

That reminds me -- I took this picture at an antique mall last weekend.

Everybody, pick something you want for Christmas.

ChainGangGuy wrote: Sat Apr 07, 2018 1:47 pm Is it words you desire? Then you shall have them.

Hahah! I think the fact that the author of this frequently goes from referring to themselves as "I" to "i" speaks volumes here.

Flack wrote: Sat Apr 07, 2018 7:20 pm That reminds me -- I took this picture at an antique mall last weekend.

Everybody, pick something you want for Christmas.

Dude are these things made in China or are there some kits to make them or something? "Craft dealers" in booths sometimes have the same signs that I see in the Wings beach crap store. I recognize some of these same stupid signs in the picture.