The Magnolia Files

Movies & Sex

Moderators: AArdvark, Ice Cream Jonsey

User avatar
Ice Cream Jonsey
Posts: 30451
Joined: Sat Apr 27, 2002 2:44 pm
Location: Colorado
Contact:

Post by Ice Cream Jonsey »

pinback wrote:You know what happens when you "assume". You make an "ass" out of "you" because you're "stupid".

No, I only asked for your copy because, hey, I can always use another copy. Particularly since I don't think Saeid Zoonematkermani is ever planning on returning mine.

NOTE TO SELF AND OTHERS: Never trust anyone named Saeid Zoonematkermani to return your shit.
A buddy of mine grabbed Signs and Unbreakable and has yet to return them.

I only mention this factoid so you can crack open a M. Night Shaylaman insult. Don't disappoint me.
the dark and gritty...Ice Cream Jonsey!

User avatar
pinback
Posts: 18055
Joined: Sat Apr 27, 2002 3:00 pm
Contact:

Post by pinback »

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:A buddy of mine grabbed Signs and Unbreakable and has yet to return them.
You should send him a "Thank You" card.

Vitriola

Post by Vitriola »

And give him a reacharound while you're at it. I just watched 'Signs' the other night for the first time, and holy shit if that wasn't one of the worst movies i've ever seen.

In fact, finding out you actually had that piece of stepped-on shit in your collection makes me realize something: I don't like you very much at all. I mean, how could you?

User avatar
Ice Cream Jonsey
Posts: 30451
Joined: Sat Apr 27, 2002 2:44 pm
Location: Colorado
Contact:

Post by Ice Cream Jonsey »

Vitriola wrote:In fact, finding out you actually had that piece of stepped-on shit in your collection makes me realize something: I don't like you very much at all. I mean, how could you?
This ought to be good.

What, pray tell, didn't you like about "Signs"?
the dark and gritty...Ice Cream Jonsey!

Vitriola

Post by Vitriola »

What didn't I like about Signs?

First of all, the redemption theme of the movie is more overplayed than Lara Croft's polygons, and setting it against the backdrop of an alien invasion is laughable.

A man of the church losing his faith because his wife died? Like, did he not know people died BEFORE it happened to someone he loved? Did he think being a holy man, he was exempt from what the heathens regularly suffer through on any given day?

The dialogue. All I know is that if there's an alien about to kill MY son, I'm not going to sit there and say something sententious like 'swing away'. I'm going to make damn sure my message gets through. Something along the lines of 'I'll distract him, and while i'm doing that, get that big fucking bat (BFB) from off the wall behind you and beat the shit out of that thing, ok?

Sure, the movie would have you believe that if his son hadn't been born with asthma, he would've been killed, and therefore everything has a reason and purpose. I submit to you, Madam, that had his son not had asthma at all, he wouldn't have been so ripe for alien plucking, being all unconcious on the chair and all.

Mel Gibson. Die.

If aliens really did want to take over and were so sensitive to water, they wouldn't have tried using ground forces to invade. They would've used more advanced weaponry. The argument they they wouldn't want to destroy the planet by using technology doesn't hold up; anyone smart enough to get here is probably smart enough as a society to figure out that there may be some advantage to having weapons whose intended effect was somewhere between individual and time consuming murder with poison and hand to hand combat and planetary devastation.

I said DIE already. I hate that fuck.

You need to watch Happiness. Now, there's a movie we can ALL hate.

User avatar
Ice Cream Jonsey
Posts: 30451
Joined: Sat Apr 27, 2002 2:44 pm
Location: Colorado
Contact:

Post by Ice Cream Jonsey »

Vitriola wrote:First of all, the redemption theme of the movie is more overplayed than Lara Croft's polygons, and setting it against the backdrop of an alien invasion is laughable.
I think your keyboard's on the fritz. "Original" came out as "laughable." I think switching to Dvorak may help that.

A man of the church losing his faith because his wife died? Like, did he not know people died BEFORE it happened to someone he loved? Did he think being a holy man, he was exempt from what the heathens regularly suffer through on any given day?
It's possible that he didn't know anyone who died in an utterly meaningless fashion, like his wife did. I dunno, none of my friends have passed away for no reason and my deceased grandparents are dead because of old age.

The dialogue. All I know is that if there's an alien about to kill MY son, I'm not going to sit there and say something sententious like 'swing away'. I'm going to make damn sure my message gets through. Something along the lines of 'I'll distract him, and while i'm doing that, get that big fucking bat (BFB) from off the wall behind you and beat the shit out of that thing, ok?
Yeah, but he had a flashback. Suddenly x number of years of being pissed off at the world and convinced that nothing has any meaning whatsoever hit him like a punch in the face. Additionally, "swing away" is a much better battle plan than "duke it out," because with a 34" melee weapon he could have his little brother at range and not suceptible to the alien's breath attack.

That really bugged you? I thought it was great. "Swing away." That's movie magic. Of course it wasn't something that happened in real life, but then again there aren't aliens there either.

Mel Gibson. Die.
This was his finest performance in ten years, at least. How great is it to see an action star act for a little bit? I dunno, maybe I am a sucker for that. But much in the same way I liked Tom Cruise in Magnolia, I liked Mel Gibson in Signs.

If aliens really did want to take over and were so sensitive to water, they wouldn't have tried using ground forces to invade. They would've used more advanced weaponry.
Who said they had it? Who said they knew that water was acid to them? Who said that the aliens that did show up weren't drones, and therefore the alien masterminds in charge didn't care if they got repulsed that way? This is kind of silly, isn't it, debating what aliens would do when they don't really exist. You're just kind of going on what other, fictional handlings of aliens have come up with before. I don't think it's valid to dock a fictional story points for something just because other fictional stories did it differently and all did it the same.

The argument they they wouldn't want to destroy the planet by using technology doesn't hold up; anyone smart enough to get here is probably smart enough as a society to figure out that there may be some advantage to having weapons whose intended effect was somewhere between individual and time consuming murder with poison and hand to hand combat and planetary devastation.
Yeah, but any civilization that could get here would also be presumably smart enough to not need the resources of an inhabited world. I would also submit that if they were aggressive (and they were) and they had weapons of mass destruction, they would have used it on themselves before getting faster than light travel and then not made it here at all.

But again... for the purposes of the movie, it doesn't matter.

I said DIE already. I hate that fuck.
How on earth can you hate Mel Gibson so much? The man who brought us "GIVE ME BACK MY SON!" is not a man that I would think would inspire such rage. But if you truly hated him that much, then I guess I understand why you didn't like the movie. Unlike, say, the game "KISS: Psycho Circus," Signs did not skimp on the featured being(s). Gibson was first billed and Gibson was there throughout. But I dunno, it seems like you hate it because it wasn't intending to be.

The kids were kind of annoying (but then, they all are) and the use of water as a weakness was kind of weak because he used it in Unbreakable. But other than that, I thought it was excellent. I'm just glad that you didn't like it because it dared to have something positive to say about religion.
the dark and gritty...Ice Cream Jonsey!

Vitriola

Post by Vitriola »

It's possible that he didn't know anyone who died in an utterly meaningless fashion, like his wife did. I dunno, none of my friends have passed away for no reason and my deceased grandparents are dead because of old age.
But, you've heard of death, right? And you probably had the mental cojones to realize that sometimes, people die in pointless and almost comical ways?
Yeah, but he had a flashback. Suddenly x number of years of being pissed off at the world and convinced that nothing has any meaning whatsoever hit him like a punch in the face.
IRL, we'd all love to wax poetic whenever the drama of a situation calls for it, and hell, what wouldn't we give for our own personal soundtrack to soar into play whenever we feel the need to glorify whatever point we're trying to make? Which of wouldn't love to be able to kick ass on demand without repercussions? But, remember how annoying it is when someone actually thinks they can pass this off? Like goth chicks, schizophrenics, and Mel Gibson? High-flown Hallmark sentiments fall flat whenever it's not YOU uttering them, and they grate on the nerves of such a down-to-earth, deadpan soul such as I.
That really bugged you? I thought it was great. "Swing away." That's movie magic. Of course it wasn't something that happened in real life, but then again there aren't aliens there either.


It bugged the shit outta me, but that's only one example. For the record, I'll use this paragraph to state that the characterization in the movie, the very lack of drama in most of the characters' outward behavior was something I liked about the movie, but that was also overused. Everybody in the entire frickin town was so low key and humble it made me think that there wouldn't be any such weekly happening like Ladie's Night at the corner watering hole, because nobody would ever dare to utter anything even remotely cheesy. Gett off the home-spum, small-town wit already, we know you're all white trash...

This was his finest performance in ten years, at least. How great is it to see an action star act for a little bit? I dunno, maybe I am a sucker for that. But much in the same way I liked Tom Cruise in Magnolia, I liked Mel Gibson in Signs.
I hate Tom Cruise, too. And finest performance in 10 years says more about scriptwriters than Mel's acting, because he plays the same solid, dependable, intense citizen in like every role, except Payback.
You're just kind of going on what other, fictional handlings of aliens have come up with before. I don't think it's valid to dock a fictional story points for something just because other fictional stories did it differently and all did it the same.
No, I'm blaming the movie for bogarting what every pop-culture idiot and diner poet has to say about aliens. They should have come up with something new for the aliens, but instead, not only did they copy their ideas of alien life from other sources, but they even included other sources in the movie, and then actually had the plot follow the course of that source, a book, which was probably less taxing than using imagination, I guess.
Yeah, but any civilization that could get here would also be presumably smart enough to not need the resources of an inhabited world. I would also submit that if they were aggressive (and they were) and they had weapons of mass destruction, they would have used it on themselves before getting faster than light travel and then not made it here at all.
True dat. But, if they were nice friendly aliens with groomed poofs at the ends of their tails and bows on their heads, they sure as hell wouldn't bother with us, either.
How on earth can you hate Mel Gibson so much? The man who brought us "GIVE ME BACK MY SON!" is not a man that I would think would inspire such rage.


That was the only movie I ever wanted to leave the theater during.

The kids were kind of annoying (but then, they all are) and the use of water as a weakness was kind of weak because he used it in Unbreakable.
The kids were somewhat less annoying then usual, I'll give them that. What came up the other night after we all watched it was that of the 3 people who were there, I hated Signs, 1 guy hated Unbreakable, and the third hated The Sixth Sense, and this very nearly caused a shouting match at 3:30 am. I've actually never seen Unbreakable, but thought the plot sounded pretty rad.
But other than that, I thought it was excellent. I'm just glad that you didn't like it because it dared to have something positive to say about religion.
I have no problem with religion, it keeps the idiots occupied with killing each other and out of my way.

Inappropriate Reply

Post by Inappropriate Reply »

I have no problem with religion, it keeps the idiots occupied with killing each other and out of my way.
that's okay... God believes in you!

User avatar
pinback
Posts: 18055
Joined: Sat Apr 27, 2002 3:00 pm
Contact:

Post by pinback »

So, wait. Jonsey, you're saying that Signs is a better movie than Magnolia?

That pretty much sums it all up for you, folks.

This base will be removed on August 13, 2003. (Along with whichever one wins the poll in the main base, of course.)

User avatar
Ice Cream Jonsey
Posts: 30451
Joined: Sat Apr 27, 2002 2:44 pm
Location: Colorado
Contact:

Post by Ice Cream Jonsey »

pinback wrote:So, wait. Jonsey, you're saying that Signs is a better movie than Magnolia?
Yes. It is a much better movie than Magnolia.
the dark and gritty...Ice Cream Jonsey!

User avatar
Ice Cream Jonsey
Posts: 30451
Joined: Sat Apr 27, 2002 2:44 pm
Location: Colorado
Contact:

Post by Ice Cream Jonsey »

Vitriola wrote:What came up the other night after we all watched it was that of the 3 people who were there, I hated Signs, 1 guy hated Unbreakable, and the third hated The Sixth Sense, and this very nearly caused a shouting match at 3:30 am.
I don't know if your group went into Signs really hoping to capture the "magic" of the movie. Narmean?

I've actually never seen Unbreakable, but thought the plot sounded pretty rad.
It's very slow and there are some ridiculously shitty camera angles in the thing, but I like it significantly more each time I see it, which is odd for a non-Monty Python/Kevin Smith quotefest for me.
the dark and gritty...Ice Cream Jonsey!

User avatar
Ice Cream Jonsey
Posts: 30451
Joined: Sat Apr 27, 2002 2:44 pm
Location: Colorado
Contact:

Post by Ice Cream Jonsey »

pinback wrote:So, wait. Jonsey, you're saying that Signs is a better movie than Magnolia?

That pretty much sums it all up for you, folks.

This base will be removed on August 13, 2003. (Along with whichever one wins the poll in the main base, of course.)
What's the significance of August 13th? Why that day in particular?
the dark and gritty...Ice Cream Jonsey!

User avatar
pinback
Posts: 18055
Joined: Sat Apr 27, 2002 3:00 pm
Contact:

Post by pinback »

Because I'm out of town August 11 and 12, and I want to be here to see it go down!

bruce
Posts: 2544
Joined: Tue Jun 04, 2002 10:43 pm

Post by bruce »

If Berthilda's Castle gets the axe, I will personally take a dump on your television set, Mr. Parrish.

Bruce

User avatar
pinback
Posts: 18055
Joined: Sat Apr 27, 2002 3:00 pm
Contact:

Post by pinback »

I'll admit to being a little disturbed that the Castle is winning. I mean, I'd be pretty much okay with any of the others, but the Castle? That doesn't seem right.

But hey, you gotta give the kids what they want.

User avatar
pinback
Posts: 18055
Joined: Sat Apr 27, 2002 3:00 pm
Contact:

Post by pinback »

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:Yes. [Signs] is a much better movie than Magnolia.
Nothing, I just like quoting the above sentence, because it relieves me of the responsibility of going through the trouble to actually explain in depth why Jonsey doesn't understand movies, and wouldn't know a good one if it latched itself to his lower intestine.

Here, I'll do it again, for emphasis:
Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:Yes. [Signs] is a much better movie than Magnolia.

User avatar
Ice Cream Jonsey
Posts: 30451
Joined: Sat Apr 27, 2002 2:44 pm
Location: Colorado
Contact:

Post by Ice Cream Jonsey »

Ebert gave them both 4 stars. THATS ALMOST LIEK THEY ARE EQUAL I guess he knows nothing about movies, too!! ROFOLFOLR HEHEHEHEHHEHE KEKEKEKEKE

^__________________________________________^

shut the fuck up
the dark and gritty...Ice Cream Jonsey!

User avatar
pinback
Posts: 18055
Joined: Sat Apr 27, 2002 3:00 pm
Contact:

Post by pinback »

Man, when a guy throws Ebert ratings at you in defense of his own position? Case closed, man.

User avatar
Ice Cream Jonsey
Posts: 30451
Joined: Sat Apr 27, 2002 2:44 pm
Location: Colorado
Contact:

Post by Ice Cream Jonsey »

Waitasec, you did the same thing in that one list of reviews that JQW always brings up.

If Roger Ebert can't be the final arbitrator on such things, then who can? You?

Don't make me laugh.
the dark and gritty...Ice Cream Jonsey!

Roody_Yogurt
Posts: 2258
Joined: Mon Apr 29, 2002 6:23 pm
Location: Milwaukee

Post by Roody_Yogurt »

I personally can't stand Ebert being used in any conversation about movies unless it's, "Hey, who wrote that screenplay to 'Beyond the Valley of the Dolls'? I forget."

Post Reply