Jolt Country

Thank Christ. Bill Simmons picked the Niners to cover against the Saints this week, ranked the Saints the #19 team in the league, and had the following to say:

19. New Orleans Saints
Bad sign for their playoff hopes: When tens of thousands of fantasy owners look at their lineups and think, "Cool, I have three guys going against the Saints this week!" Speaking of the Saints, here's my list of running backs who put the fear of God in you every time they get the ball if you either gambled against them, you're rooting for the other team or you're going against them in fantasy: (1) Adrian Peterson, (2) Reggie Bush, (3) LaDainian Tomlinson (if healthy), (4) Felix Jones, (5) Chris Johnson and (537) Deuce McAllister.

The comments on the Saints' defense are fine, but uh, Deuce McAllister got two carries because his coach won't play him. I love the idea of this smug piece of shit pretending like he has watched five minutes of Saints football in the last 40 years. He looked at some stats, saw that Deuce has 10 yards this season, and came to his conclusion.

But that's why I am trying to get away from writing about football on a league-wide basis, and sticking to the Saints... unless you watch all the games each Sunday (impossible) you're going to make ignorant comments on various teams. I couldn't tell you five facts about the Houston Texans. I mean, I will sometimes even have the Lions or Falcons running in the background, because I'm slightly interested (more on why I am slightly interested in the Lions, next post) but the Texans and a few others make up teams that I'd never watch unless the Saints are playing them. So how much of a moron would I be if I started talking about Houston QB Matt Schaub's performance?

Anyway, with Simmons taking the Niners, I feel confident that the Saints will blow them out. 35-17 New Orleans, count on it.

Another entry in the Mystique of the New Orleans Saints:

Our punter - who also holds for field goals - wears a goddamn watch out on the field.

“It’s a comfort thing,” (Steve Weatherford) said. “It started in the offseason when I’d be working out and punting with my watch on. It feels weird to take it off. And I don’t my wife minds that I wear my wedding ring during games.”

Yeah, it happens all the time - I remember when Brian Milne recovered the fumble that gave the Saints their first-ever playoff victory, he was wearing cufflinks and a frock coat JESUS FUCKING CHRIST WHY ARE THEY WEARING MOTHERFUCKING WATCHES ON THE FIELD JESUS FUCKING FUCK

anyone that wears their wedding ring during sports is a cuckhold, his wife fucks his teamates in front of him after games.

Fun Houston Texans fact, David Carr as a QB would wear his wedding ring during games, the Texans were unaware of this when drafting him No. 1. He shows up to camp they are like "hahaha David, ok take the ring off you are playing QB in the NFL now" he said no, and I think 5 Texans scouts were instantly fired.

I did not catch any of the games this weekend. What did I miss?

I did not catch any of the games this year. What did I miss?

The Washington Redskins are killing everyone.

Really, Ben? No games? Not even... one?

Not a one!

I have kept up with the standings, though. Can I assume that this positive Redskins streak is smoke and mirrors, like all their other decent runs since 1992, and that shortly they will revert to their true selves and go 3-8 the rest of the season?

No, they are good - they've played the Eagles, Giants and Cowboys on the road already, so they will have a shitload of home games, and FFFFFFFFFFFFFUCK GRAMATICA BLOCKED , DEY TOOK IT FOR A TD GODD FDFFFFFFF

fuck life

Apparently, ref Ed Hochuli's e-mail address is out there. Saints fan has started writing him.

(Do I blame the refs in any way for that loss? No. I resigned to never complain about officiating after the Saints/Giants game that was fixed right after 9/11. The game was miserably called, but it's not why the Saints lost.)

Here's what Ed wrote back:

from EDWARD HOCHULI
to Jonathan XXXXXXX
date Tue, Oct 7, 2008 at 10:46 AM
subject RE: How did you miss these?

hide details 10:46 AM (1 hour ago)

You are certainly free to have your opinions, but if you were a knowledgeable fan, you would understand that there are 7 officials out there, and you would not attribute all errors to the Referee. The face mask, for example, is no where near anything I'm looking at or supposed to be looking at when it happened.

It's popular right now to pile on Hochuli, because I blew the San Diego call. And there is certainly no requirement that anyone have any real knowledge of officiating in order to have an opinion. Fortunately, the NFL and my boss don't agree with you. You are free to have your own opinions, and since you took the time to write me, I figured I owed you the time to respond.

I write the same way when I fuck up at work. "It's popular right now to pile on Sherwin, (etc.)".

Anyone who has the time to respond to me directly, well, I'll still hate them but not because they're ignoring me.

The Rams will beat the Redskins. Whenever 95% of America is sure on something, go the other way. I would also like to predict the Raiders beating the Saints, since it will be the first game for the new Raiders coach, and the Saints lose to rookie coaches with no wins as a matter of club policy.

I would like to say that five days later, the Saints game that I e-watched with Robb is one of the five most disgusting experiences of my life.

I... I think I feel his pain now.

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:The Rams will beat the Redskins. Whenever 95% of America is sure on something, go the other way.

HMM YES. I hate the Rams.

What did I tell you? 7-9, here we come. I've suffered TOO LONG with this team not to know how this is going to go.

NONE OF YOU KNOW MY PAIN.

Agreed, it must suck to be a Skins fan. Sorry, Pinner!

I did like "Richie Incognito" of the Rams committing a 15 yard personal foul right before the kicker was going to try his game-winning field goal. The stupidity of the average NFL player never ceases to amaze, but at the same time, I was gritting my teeth, waiting for one of the three announcers covering that game to say, "HA HA, HE WASN'T VERY INCOGNITO OUT THERE!" and I was not disappointed. It took eight or nine seconds more than I thought, but it was said by one of those insipid sons of bitches.

Yes, he has an unusual last name! We get it! Ha ha!

Random tv show spoiler: the black guy in CSI died last week.

At least the Cowboys' special teams kept it close at the end.

Football question I'll just throw out for the general populace: Jamal Lewis -- does he still have it?

I really hate Gregg Easterbrook's columns. Didn't read any last year. Tried one tonight.

Sweet 'N' Sour Play: Trailing New Orleans 27-20 midway through the fourth quarter, pass-challenged Minnesota, with 15-year seven-times-waived retread Gus Frerotte at quarterback, completed a 33-yard touchdown pass to Bernard Berrian for the tie, then went on to win. That was sweet. Extra sweet for the Hyperboreans was winning on the road despite being held to 44 yards rushing. As for the Saints, their much-criticized defense held Adrian Peterson to 32 yards on 21 carries, yet they lost. That was sour. Extra sour was the situation on the Berrian touchdown. Minnesota faced a third-and-16. If you play straight defense, the odds favor a stop, followed by a long field goal attempt, which, even if successful, still leaves the home team with the lead. You've already guessed that New Orleans big-blitzed. New Orleans blitzed eight men, a tactic rarely seen because it is practically an engraved invitation to score a touchdown. Had New Orleans simply played straight defense on this snap, victory would have been likely.

Haha, yeah Gregg, the Saints would have one that one if they didn't blitz. Berry didn't outrun Jason Fucking David or anything.

"Hyperboreans," haha, he changed the names of all the teams to retard slang! Hurf!

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell did with his game officials Friday what a coach would do with a team of slumping but talented young players: He gave them a pep talk.

For 10 minutes Friday afternoon, Goodell, speaking from league offices in New York, had his 17 referees --- the chiefs for the league's beleaguered officiating crews --- on a conference call to tell them he has full confidence in -- as he told them -- the best officials in sports.

The NFL commissioner when I was born was Pete Rozelle, and Paul Tagliabue was all right afterwards. So I haven't been alive for a shitty NFL commish. No longer!

Yeah, they are doing a great job, Rog. "The best in sports." They aren't even the best in organized football. I'd take NCAA officiating at this point.