Jolt Country

You think Halloween and Big Trouble in Little China blow?

I think Halloween blowed, and I never saw BTILC.

I don't even have it in me anymore. You win.

HALLOWEEN was a good movie?? Christ. Looked more like a school project than fucking Dark Star did, and Dark Star WAS a school project.

Terrible.

Everyone is wrong about this.

The Thing is so great that you forgive the rest of his nonsense.

pinback wrote:HALLOWEEN was a good movie?? Christ. Looked more like a school project than fucking Dark Star did, and Dark Star WAS a school project.

Yes, I'm sure they covered that in the 15-disc Blu-ray collector's edition Dark Star box set they released in honor of a film that defined an entire genre of films.

Maybe I just didn't give Dark Star a fair shake. Maybe one of its 9 sequels or remakes were better.

Yeah, it defined the worst genre in movie history. Well done, JC.

pinback wrote:Yeah, it defined the worst genre in movie history. Well done, JC.

You are wrong and I am going to make you pay for that statement. Salsher movies are the WORST genre. You sicken me.

- Chick flick
- CGI Kid's Movie
- Teen romance
- Family
- Musical

Those are ALL worse than slasher. All of them.

It is time for a John Carpenter analysis:

Dark Star: terrible, godawful movie. You're the only one that liked it. Launched a genre.

Assault on Precinct 13: Three stars.

Halloween: Two and a half stars, launched the slasher genre.

The Fog: Never heard of it

Escape From New York: Three stars

The Thing: Five stars, arguably the greatest movie ever made

Christine: Not my thing, but probably the best Stephen King adaption until Shawshank.

Starman, Big Trouble in Little China and Prince of Darkness: All have their flaws, but you'd have to say they are all three star movies. Prince of Darkness could have used a single likable character. BTiLC is very goofy. These are bad movies now? You're saying these are bad movies?

At this point he is probably the greatest director in history behind Hitchcock, Coppola and Kubrick. With that run. And The Thing is a better movie than any flick any of those guys directed at that point. Live with it!

That brings us to THEY LIVE. Four stars, unmitigated classic. Just herpy derpy makes a lead out of the schtickiest professional wrestler of all-time, turns him into a 100% believable protagonist that everyone roots for. Ooooh but this guy John Carpenter sucks.

Okay, he never made a good movie after They Live, but still. I'd put his top three against anyone else's top three. You're telling me you'd rather watch Schindler's List, E.T. and Raiders of the Lost Ark instead of The Thing, They Live and (in your case) Dark Star? Is that it, Carl? Is that what I FUCKEN SEE?

It is a shame that it's been almost 25 years since his last good movie.

That's right, a-hole, I don't want to even see a reply to that. You know I'm right.

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:Salsher movies are the WORST genre.

They are only good when they are self-consciously funny. Which they rarely are.

Dark Star: terrible, godawful movie. You're the only one that liked it. Launched a genre.

I enjoy it to this day.

Assault on Precinct 13: Three stars.

Never saw it.

Halloween: Two and a half stars, launched the slasher genre.

Terrible.

The Fog: Never heard of it

Never saw it. Heard it was terrible.

Escape From New York: Three stars

Laughably bad.

The Thing: Five stars, arguably the greatest movie ever made

The second greatest sci-fi horror movie behind Alien, and if you don't count them in the same genre, then the best in whatever genre it is.

Christine: Not my thing, but probably the best Stephen King adaption until Shawshank.

Awful.

Starman

Three stars, being VERY generous. Only because you realize that you're not laughing at how awful it is halfway through and then remember it's a John Carpenter movie.

Big Trouble in Little China

Never saw it.

Prince of Darkness

Unspeakably, hilariously bad.

THEY LIVE

Almost so bad that you wonder if it's just a gag. If it's a gag, then yes, four stars. Otherwise, so bad that it smells funny in this room just from your positive review coming up on the screen.

You're telling me you'd rather watch Schindler's List, E.T. and Raiders of the Lost Ark instead of The Thing, They Live and (in your case) Dark Star?

Of course. I might choose The Thing over List, just cuz Christ, lighten up a little, JEW. And I didn't care for E.T. at all. Raiders is better than anything JC has ever done, and if you're comparing him to Spielberg, here are other movies which are better than anything JC has ever done:

Jaws
Close Encounters
Saving Private Ryan

It is a shame that it's been almost 25 years since his last good movie.

No, his most recent movies are just as bad as the old ones, it's just you saw the old ones when you were young and excited about being alive, so you remember them being better than they were.

Now that you're just playing out the string and waiting for the sweet release of oblivion, you see the truth.

You're telling me you'd rather watch Schindler's List, E.T. and Raiders of the Lost Ark instead of The Thing, They Live and (in your case) Dark Star?

Of course. I might choose The Thing over List, just cuz Christ, lighten up a little, JEW. And I didn't care for E.T. at all. Raiders is better than anything JC has ever done, and if you're comparing him to Spielberg, here are other movies which are better than anything JC has ever done:

Jaws
Close Encounters
Saving Private Ryan

You say IN THE BEGINNING OF THIS THREAD that The Thing was #9 on your list and Raiders of the Lost Ark wasn't even there.

I guess I was assuming that you were a rational human being and not the unhinged social lunatic you've become.

This? This is how it ends?

Now that you're just playing out the string and waiting for the sweet release of oblivion, you see the truth.

You are correct that I crave oblivion. I crave oblivion.