I’d Like To Propose A Toast.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Goodbye, everyone!! I'm disappearing into Tomato World.

Note to anyone and anything living with ME: Expect to hear this phrase approximately 7,000 times in the next week.

I won't have ANY PROBLEM with my pledge to stop referencing Big League Chew, now!

[ChainGangGuy]

As I arrived at the local watering hole this past Saturday night, I found my dear friend, my drinking colleague hunched grotesquely over the bar softly weeping into a half-empty glass of pale yellow beer. He's not one often moved to tears, so I simply had to ask, "Why so glum?" Maintaining no more than a faint fluttering breath he nonchalantly pointed in the direction of the now warm beer. Picking up the pint glass, I asked, "Was this the beer that made you cry, cry baby?" He nodded slowly, still staring blankly at the wall behind the bar. Well! A beer that makes grown men weep. Figured I might as well see what all the fuss was about. Getting the bartender's attention, the very same bartender who supplied me with the Short's Bloody Bar, I put in my order. I'll have what Weeps is having.

And the hits just keep on coming! Here's what hit the bar this time:

BEER: Sprecher - Mamma Mia! Pizza Beer

Uh-oh. Another one? Yes! Another one! Fuck, that bartender's got some axe to grind.

So, goodbye, everyone!! Once more, I'm disappearing into Tomato World.

"Unfiltered American Ale Brewed With Basil, Oregano, Tomato and Garlic."

Created by Tom and Athena Seefurth of Campton Township, Illinois in his lifelong pursuit to combine two of the world's great loves, pizza and beer. Some say it's the best pizza beer around. Feh! If I had a dollar for every time I've heard this... Oh, but I'll give it a chance, as I'm a real sucker for unique beer it seems.

Hm. Not to brag, but, it's a Pizza Parade, babies! Hands down, no question, it is pizza-y. That was the aim of Mister and Missus Seefurth and they achieved it. The nose is slathered in spicy, chunky, robust tomato sauce primarily, with just a slight bready background note. This, of course, carries over into the taste. Along the way, other flavors begin to develop -- some sweetish dough here, some chiffonade basil there. Even a pinch of red pepper spiciness. Oh, and packed with fresh garlic. Ah, the power of garlic. As with any pie, it's more of the same till the end, though the spices still had legs and carried on well past the finish. As you drink it down, the various flavors really start to come together as it slowly bakes in your gut, all of it settling vaguely under the definition of "pizza", at least in terms of flavor and aroma. No complaints here. However, as with Short's Bloody Beer, I just can't see myself calling on this beer every day. Not bad at all, though. Easily the best pizza beer on the market.

[pinback]

Gross!



(post +1!)

[ChainGangGuy]

Gross!



(post +1!)

Stay tuned for the third (and hopefully final) installment of my Tomato World series when I finally discuss Anheuser-Busch's red berry release, Budweiser Chelada ("...a refreshing Budweiser and the unique flavor of Clamato")!

[Vitriola]

I was hoping for a review of Bud Light + Clamato? I asked a Mexican guy behind me at the liquor store (where I was buying Diet Pepsi, of course), and he said it was delicious. I hate tomatoes, but could I hear more about this?

[ChainGangGuy]

¡Muy Delicioso!

Thanks to Vitriola and a fellow liquor store shopper I not only could change my mind for the next Tomato World beer, I have. Bud Light Chelada it is!

[Vitriola]

How'd that go?

[ChainGangGuy]

During this time of the year, my thoughts, as I'm sure yours do, often turn to red, ripe tomatoes. So, I was more than pleased to take up Vitriola's suggestion of Bud Light Chelada, a beer containing: Clamato, salt, lime flavoring, and, rumor has it, some actual beer. Friends, this could very well be the fight of my life.

So, goodbye, everyone!! I'm disappearing into Tomato World one last time.

BEER: Bud Light chelada

What, more tomatoes?

I know, right? No tomato-based complaining, please. Besides, Pinback wouldn't want you to bitch.

This is a recipe that combines cultures and flavors,” said Ana Vitrano, product manager, Anheuser-Busch, Inc. “Budweiser, Bud Light and Clamato are all highly respected brands that, when combined, produce the authentic-tasting recipe many Latinos love. It’s la combinación perfecta!

With an info blurb mentioning "Latino love" and having a can where almost every word slapped across it is in Spanish, I have a sneaky suspicious I'm not AB's target audience. Even choosing Bud Light Chelada could've proved to be disatrous, as I wasn't entirely positive it was available in my area. Thankfully, my local gasoline purveyor delivered the goods, or, at least, had said goods for sale in 24 ounce, big-ass cans. Mose down at the Shell station even said it was "a fine seller". No, Mose, you're the fine seller. He also took the opportunity to recommend Schlitz High Gravity V.S.L, but that'll have to wait for another time.

FD&C Red Dye #40, in terms of appearance, with a fizzy, pinkish head on top, it's simply far too cheery-looking to raise much of a fuss. What harm could a Strawberry Shortcake-hued brew really do?

In terms of aroma and flavor, this concoction is somewhat akin to a thin tomato soup. Yeah, that's certainly one way of putting it, but it's not just any thin tomato soup we're dealing with. Throw in some vegetable stock, a questionably high amount of celery salt, a few hearty squirts of premium ketchup, a pinch of salt, a splash of light beer, and you'll be on the right track. A hint of lime adds a tiny hit of acidity. Mercifully, I don't pick up any clams. The beer finishes with a watery flourish and an all-too-telling Latino wink.

"I've just sucked one year of your life away." --Count Rugen

Once, while attending the Great American Beer Festival some years ago, I had a chance to meet Michael Jackson, the Beer Hunter, the celebrated author of many a beer book. During a brief exchange, he gave me this snippet of advice: "When it comes to new beer styles, Gerrit, you've got to grow and become more open-minded; accept tomatoes, maybe even embrace tomatoes." At the time, I dismissed the comment, thoroughly sure that his advanced age and decades of getting soused had rendered him completely senile.

Looking back, though... maybe he was on to something. No hard feelings, Michael, right?

Overall, Bud Light Chelada isn't as entirely foul or offensive as one might rightly imagine it to be. I didn't once spit up on myself! I never once accused it of being a life-altering nightmare! That being said, I don't see myself returning to this one anytime soon. In fact, you had all better cherish this one final trip to Tomato World, because that's pretty much it for the tomato beers.

Though, while I may be fresh out of tomato beers this is hardly the end. I'm happy to report there is an endless array of beers left to bore you with, and, after having braved the perils of Tomato World, let me be the first to say: there's nowhere to go but up, baby!!

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

As someone who plans on entering Tomato World for the next few days and maybe - maybe! - return unjailed, I thank you for this advice. There is no beer like tomato beer.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

I don't know... if it's okay to ask this... but...

You, uh, haven't tasted any other beers lately, have you, Gerrit? I need your beer reviews.... I need.... your laughter....

[ChainGangGuy]

Get ready, because if you thought Tomato World was a blast, wait until we start talking pandan.

Goodbye, everybody! I'm off to Pandan Land!

...

That's two for flinching!


BEER: Laughing Buddha's Pandan Brown Ale

Laughing Buddha, operating out of Seattle, Washington, is steadfastly dedicated to their flagship motto of "crafting modern Asian-style beers". That's a rather tall order! Their business model is both simple and straight-forward: push the brews into every local Thai, Japanese, and Chinese restaurant. In addition to the Pandan Brown, their line-up also includes a Ginger Pale Ale and a Mango Weizen, all of which will certainly stand out against the all too typical Asian rice-based lagers.

You may be asking yourself: "What's a pandan?" Well, let me first say there is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling ashamed or embarrassed by being unfamiliar with pandan. I, too, felt a tiny twinge of shame for having to rely on Wikipedia to fill my head with pandan-related knowledge.

Pandanus amaryllifolius is a tropical plant in the screwpine genus which is known commonly as pandan and used widely in Southeast Asian cooking. It is an erect green plant with fan-shaped sprays of long, narrow, bladelike leaves and woody aerial roots."

OK, hit me with another!

"The plant is sterile, flowers only very rarely, and is propagated by cuttings."

Ah yes, didn't we all grow up with a few kids like that?

Oh, and in addition to the fermentables found within the grains, Laughing Buddha has thrown in a fermentable sugar: palm sugar, also an ingredient found in many Thai dishes.

Both the aroma and flavor deliver the archetypical brown ale qualities: chocolate, caramel, lightly fruity esters, a slight breadiness. Galena hops deliver a restrained, spicy bitterness. Beyond that, you have the pandan leaves imparting a noticeable nuttiness and what would be adequately described as a very mild, savory vegetal quality to it.

Is it a disappointment? Hardly! The pandan adds a bit of Asian-style uniqueness to what can, in all honesty, be a real ho-hum style at times and while you will not find "Pandan Brown Ale" mentioned within the Buddhist Noble Eightfold Path or listed under the Four Noble Truths, it should be welcome in anyone's list of "Flavorful, Yet Relatively Refreshing Browns".

[gsdgsd]

I'm curious to try this "Laughing Buddha's" offerings -- I think I can safely presume that they're available in Atlanta, right?

I've wanted to try a tasty ginger-related beer -- Left Hand, out of Colorado, has one but I don't really like it.

Now: deliver the goods on LOBSTER LOVERS.

[ChainGangGuy]

BEER: Lobster Lovers Beers

Ah, Lobster Lovers Beer, crafted by our foreign friends at Rinkuškiu Alaus Darykla, the makers of such wonderful-sounding brews as Uosto, Biržiečiu, Žaibo, and Werewolf. Entirely unfamiliar with the rich Lithuanian language, I can only attempt a guess as to their exact meaning. For all I know, it could be Cat, Movie, Peanut, and Werewolf. While Rinkuškiu pumps out over ten different offerings year-round, you only have two real options:

-European Pale Lager
-European Strong Lager

Here's a snippet of information from their website (translated by Google):

"Rinkuškiai beer is natural. Only pure high quality water, original yeast, hops and traditional light malt is used for production. For some brands caramel malt is used. No pees, rice and other non-malt products are used for Rinkuškiai beer production. All Rinkuskiai beer brands produced individual way, using natural fermentation process, after fermentation no additional water."

No pees! Whew, that's a huge relief. Never mind, never mind, let's focus on this label:



Yes sir, nothing like a tall, cold glass of high-gravity European lager to help ease one into their first interspecies romantic encounter with an over-sized crustacean.

With its bright, crystal clear golden body, its tall, creamy white head, and gentle effervescence, the beer does genuinely look pleasant. The aroma reveals a sweet-smelling pale malt scent with fruity apple and pungent floral hop notes. This carries through into the flavor with a dialed up sweetness, a particularly pungent alcohol presence, and a faint hint of citrus. All in all, it's about what you'd expect from a Euro Strong, no more, no less. By the way, for me, many of these strong European lagers seem more akin to America's own brown-bagged malt liquors.

While lobster is most definitely a food I could eat every day, the thought of a Lobster Lovers Beer every single goddamn day presents a future both grim and cheerless and one which I'd fight to prevent with John Connor-styled fierceness.

To Lobsters (and their Lovers)!! To No Pees!! To Jolt Country!!