Jolt Country

The pic is from her website, morons. She's a jazz musician, promoting her music via the MIRACLE OF INTERNEATS.

pinback wrote:The pic is from her website, morons. She's a jazz musician, promoting her music via the MIRACLE OF INTERNEATS.

Then you probably want to find out how she feels about <i>fucking up her friends' sofas</i> before you invite her for dinner at "The Moist Palm."

Otherwise, the evening could end up like


Bruce

Jesus what is that thing, I hope not one your gf/Wives, if so, you will be rewarded in heaven for your charitable work.

Does This Chick Want Me?
===================

Hi Ben,

I was just about to ask how your golf went on Sunday. Since it was all due to my help, did we have any amazing shots? Drives worth mentioning? Which course was it and did you tell your friend you had a warm up round the day before?

Thanks for fun golf and lunch Saturday. After that I came home and crashed for a while, then got ready early because my friend/bass player for the evening was stopping by (different from the one you saw me play with). Big news is he is leaving to live in NYC soon so it is good for him but sad for me because he is really good and we play(ed) in a lot of bands together. The gig at Sala Thai went fine. Ray and Co. came by for the last set. The video took all day yesterday as expected. I know never to trust the "call time," especially when it is noon on Sunday, but I came relatively on time to be professional. They actually started recording at about 2:30. But they should get a pretty good "Swing Central" show out of it. Good music and dancing. The taping ended around six and then the producers, who are friends of mine, had everyone back to their place to watch some of the footage and have dinner, etc.

This week - lessons, a few rehearsals and performances, and more summer fun! Maybe a day trip to the beach this week or next. Would you be interested in canoeing Saturday morning?

Whoa, you didn't meet an actual nice girl, didja Pinner? I guess the percentages say so!

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:Whoa, you didn't meet an actual nice girl, didja Pinner?

I... I don't know! I mean, she IS a nice girl. And I DID meet her. So... Well, technically speaking, I guess I did!

Whoa, hold the phone:

==============
You will wear a life preserver and I do not think there are any pirahnas in the potomac river, but we can pretend...and it is very shallow in the canoeing area. You can probably stand in it. I will invite others too. I believe it is $20 to rent a boat for an hour (shared by two or three people) so equipment will be cash and clothes/swim wear and shoes that can get wet.
==============

"I will invite others too"?

"Shared by two or three people"?

The fuck is going on here? I DEMAND AN EXPLANATION!!!

I DEMAND it!

Obviously she is not ready to take that next step with you, IE:
alone in a boat. If others go be sure and sit next to her. Or if it's a small canoe, behind her, separating her from the 'others'.


P'raps you should insist on paying the boat rental fee as it's sort of a date type thing.


THE
SWIM FIN
SAWBUCK
OR TEWNTY
AARDVARK

AArdvark wrote:Obviously she is not ready to take that next step

What, next step? We played golf and had lunch. I didn't invite HER canoeing. The fuck is wrong with you, Vark?

P'raps you should insist on paying the boat rental fee as it's sort of a date type thing.

This seems terribly presumptuous. I mean, if she's inviting me and a hundred fifty of her closest friends, then it really isn't a "sort of a date type thing", is it?

Knuckles the CLown wrote:Jesus what is that thing, I hope not one your gf/Wives, if so, you will be rewarded in heaven for your charitable work.

You know, KNuckles, she looks and smells much better than your mother, and I fuck <i>her</i> all the time.

Bruce

now is

bruce

vs

knuckles the clown


fight!!

Should I continue with updates here? Or is this all played and tired and wack and nobody gives a crap anymore?

More updates pls. I enjoy being right.

Well, you didn't reply to the most recent, juicy updates, so I thought perhaps you had washed your hands of concern for my pathetic, pitiful social life.

Well, alright then! We have a request for updates pls, so let's go back in time and do an old-fashioned Pinback's Women ROUNDUP! Just like old-times! Like back in the day! C'mon! It'll be fun!


NAME: Andrea
BACKGROUND: This is the one who my buddy Chris said he might introduce me to, but never did.

STATUS: Actually finally met her at a birthday party for Chris' two-year-old Chinese baby. What a looker! Now I REALLY wish he'd brought her over to my place that one time. Alas, I only had time for a brief introduction before she went back into her discussion about the new guy she'd just met. Ah well. Next life.

ENTHUSIASM LEVEL: Nonexistent, except for the enthusiasm I naturally feel towards hot chicks.

CHANCE OF SUCCESS: 0.003%.



NAME: Lisa
BACKGROUND: The timesheet lady, who I was asked what I thought of her, and who I was led to believe might have actually enjoyed the cut of my rather generous jib.

STATUS: Every two weeks, I get an email saying, "I've just been very busy, but I do want to meet you for lunch and sing these songs I've been writing, so you can start putting music to it." (She's trying to write a Broadway-style comedy musical.) Last response I gave was, "Okay, cool. But you should do it over at my place where I've got the musical equipment, and booze for the creative process! LOL!" Ain't heard back since then.

ENTHUSIASM LEVEL: Low.
CHANCE OF SUCCESS: 0.6%



NAME: K8TIE
BACKGROUND: Fictional waitress at my fictional restaurant.

STATUS: Still does not exist.

ENTHUSIASM LEVEL: Disconcerting.
CHANCE OF SUCCESS: Depending on medication.



NAME: Lucy.
REAL NAME: Bina.
BACKGROUND: My latest emotionally debilitating crush.

STATUS: Well, I'll tell you.

An amazing thing happened yesterday (Monday) at work. I got there. A couple minutes later, she came by to ask me for an ethernet cable or something. Ordinarily, I'd have been struck by a torrent of adrenaline just at the sound of her walking up the hall. But this time, nothing. I said, "sure", handed her the cable, and went about my business.

Then, we headed down to the weekly hour-long status meeting. Ordinarily, I'd spend the whole time gazing forlornly in her direction, and desperately trying to think of ways I could casually start an AIM discussion with her (we all have our laptops there at the meeting). This time, though? Nothing.

Then? Later in the afternoon, she came over and plopped down in my cube for one of our little "chats" of a more personal nature. She told me about her life, I responded politely. Normally, the whole time, I would be sweating bullets and stammering and just trying to keep myself from lunging over and planting one right on her face.

This time, though? I was actually actively wishing she'd just go back to her cube and leave me alone.

Nothing! I don't want to get cocky so early in the proceedings, but my raging case of BINA FLU appears to have broken. I guess the positive social experiences I'd had over the weekend, combined with the realization of who she really is (that being, everything Vitriola says) just left me... and I mean this in every sense of the word... limp.

(She is gorgeous, though. Damn.)

ENTHUSIASM LEVEL: Shockingly, finally, thankfully LOW.
CHANCE OF SUCCESS: 0%



NAME: Halley
BACKGROUND: Jazz chick I've gotten to know over the past month.

STATUS: A nice golf outing this past weekend. We're canoeing (with just a few other people) this weekend. I'm having a small gathering next Friday at the Palm which she was enthusiastic about coming to. We exchange emails frequently. She's a nice, down-to-earth chick who seems to at least enjoy my company. This all seems good. Doesn't this seem good?

ENTHUSIASM LEVEL: Medium-high, and climbing.

CHANCE OF SUCCESS:

Ready for this? Are you ready? Wait for it...

CHANCE OF SUCCESS: 60%

Longtime Pinback's Women readers will instantly realize that this is, by far, the highest number we've ever, ever had in this column. It's subject, of course, to the possibility that I'm misreading this whole thing, but I gotta say, right about now? There's actually a vague hint of promise in this one.

Another first, for the beleaguered ARMY OF LOVE.

Stay tuned? All comments and two-bit opinions very enthusiastically solicited.

pinback wrote:Welp, I am OFF THE LUCY TRAIN, before any further damage is done.

I like how I wrote this two months ago.

Yeah, that's fine, too. I can handle all the content if you need me to.

Whoops, sorry Bruce!

bruce wrote:

Knuckles the CLown wrote:Jesus what is that thing, I hope not one your gf/Wives, if so, you will be rewarded in heaven for your charitable work.

You know, KNuckles, she looks and smells much better than your mother, and I fuck <i>her</i> all the time.

Bruce

AAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAhahhahahahahahaaa...

It took twelve pages, but:

BEST OF!!!

What, next step? We played golf and had lunch. I didn't invite HER canoeing.

She does not yet trust you alone in a boat where you could possibly stuff her under the water and drown her and let the fish eat her decomposing body. You seem nice but COULD be a serial killer of the most dastardly kind (she is thinking).

OR

Since she invited you out that COULD mean that she wants some BUT doesn't want to be considered 'fast' hence bring along others to appear more social.

OR

Your just a fun guy and she though it would be nice for you to join her canoeing outing this weekend.


THE
YOU DECIDE
AARDVARK