Shitty Sportswriting Thread

Flack · Post by **Flack** » Tue May 11, 2010 10:40 pm

I should have mentioned that it is totally possible that Mike Tyson actually said, "I totally bankrupt."

Flack · Post by **Flack** » Sun Jan 23, 2011 10:13 am

Be careful, ICJ. This guy will HUNT YOU DOWN.

http://gizmodo.com/5740741/sportswriter ... -real-life

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Sun Jan 23, 2011 4:57 pm

I was involved in that, actually.

In the CNN article, Pearlman delightfully glosses over the fact that all of this happened because of his utterly retarded contention that Jeff Bagwell, one of the top-five NL first basemen in baseball history, won't get a HoF vote from him, because - without a SHRED of evidence supporting this - he might have taken steroids. Pearlman was totally okay banging away in the comments of his terrible posts until someone showed him goatse.

There is, by the way, no proof, no allegations, no *anything* that implicates Bagwell in steroid use, something not against the rules during the bulk of his career anyway.

Bagwell on performance-enhancing drugs anyway is a moronic position floated by someone who was clearly taken back when the Internet told him what a idiot he was.

Here's the first article I saw about it. You'll note that I appear as comment #48. This apparently got to Jeff, as he started off a blog post a few days later with this:

So I’ve obviously received a lot of comments about this whole Bagwell thing—95 percent of them, ahem, not exactly on my side. And while I don’t love being referred to as an “ass-dripping mongoloid” (especially anonymously–but isn’t that always the case?)

I'm surprised he didn't go looking for me, or call my mom. My handle is pretty easy to identify with my name.

The thing is, the great percentage of people who vote for the baseball hall of fame ARE unqualified to do so. They have very stupid opinions, and they've made the hall a waste of time. Pearlman is one guy doing this, but he wasn't alone - Bagwell got less than 50% of the vote. (You need 75% to get in.) Will Bagwell get in eventually? Yes. But when you have people arguing against his inclusion based on literally no evidence, why wouldn't you tell them how stupid they are? If you don't want people telling you you're stupid, stop being stupid. If you want to withhold your vote for some of the guys like Palmeiro or McGwire or Bonds who clearly did do steroids, then great. I don't agree in all cases, but go for it. You deserve what you get if you look at Bagwell's stats and not vote for him.

But I do think it sort of surprised Pearlman that the Internet could be that vicious.

Flack · Post by **Flack** » Sun Jan 23, 2011 10:06 pm

I sent the mongoloid your contact information.

Expect a call soon.

gsdgsd · Post by **gsdgsd** » Mon Jan 24, 2011 5:59 pm

Fun task:

1) read Woody Paige's latest column

2) shoot yourself

god, I love everything about Denver, but he sucks so much.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Mon Jan 24, 2011 9:41 pm

Greg, wait, you mean the latest column or one of the earlier ones?

Wait.... it works for either....!

gsdgsd · Post by **gsdgsd** » Tue Jan 25, 2011 6:57 am

There was one day, a few years ago, where I liked one of his columns and thought that maybe -- just maybe -- I was finally getting it. The idea passed quickly.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Tue Jan 25, 2011 11:52 pm

Woody still does the thing where each sentence is a paragraph.

You know, if someone on the Internet pointed out that all computer programmers do exactly the same annoying thing, I would probably stop doing that annoying thing.

Not Woody Paige.

Not this time.

Not ever.

RetroRomper · Post by **RetroRomper** » Thu Feb 03, 2011 12:57 pm

I'm at the point where I have to ask if "good" sports writing even exists? My impression of football (soccer, whatever) and sports in general, is that its mainly a conduit for hating women and an excuse to pretend that the prompter is a voice and to also pretend that when left alone, any commentator is educated above a sixth grade level.

Okay... Heres the controversty...
http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/football/9371621.stm

BBC News wrote:However, new footage has emerged of Gray talking off-air with Sky Sports' pitchside reporter Andy Burton about the female assistant referee before the match between Wolves and Liverpool.

Sky News reported that the pair discussed [the female referee's] appearance, while Gray asks: "What do women know about the offside rule?"

Later, someone leaked a video to YouTube of one of these guys (Gray I believe), asking his female co-host to put her hand in and "pull it out" of his pants or some such. My question is, at what point do you distinguish between the personalities of the talking heads and the writers? Does a competent variety of either exist?

Oh wait... At least the writers do!

Quote from...

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/16/sport ... r=1&src=mv

New York Times wrote: On a frigid night with the temperature just above freezing, Brazil finally melted North Korea’s defense for a 2-1 victory on Tuesday, but the five-time champions never fully thawed out in their World Cup opener.

In a scoreless first half, Brazil seemed alternately nervous, indolent and impatient against North Korea’s compact and organized defense that frequently strung five players across the back line...

That article gets better and better... Little bias is obvious, its a well researched and parsed article and it doesn't give into the whole political game instead focusing on the sport and those who are vying for it. Jesus christ... I'm proud to say an American wrote the above piece.

And this next one, on the same games, forces me to consider moving to another country...

From...
http://espn.go.com/espn/page2/index?id=5315141

ESPN Page 2 wrote: North Korea was impressive in its 2-1 loss to Brazil in the World Cup. After losing 7-0 to Portugal, that moral victory was gone. That must have chafed North Korean leader Kim Jong-Il, since he relented on his plan to only allow news of North Korean World Cup victories and allowed Monday's destruction to be broadcast live.

Political bitching - check.
Barely focusing on the game - check.
Opinionated forecasting - check.
Insulting a nation and a team - check.

Regardless, we have the examples Ice Cream Jonsey pointed out and worse, an industry that exemplifies people such as John Madden and writers at ESPN who have exhausted their years of playing/coaching in relation to their time commenting without expanding on their ability to do either. Guess thoughtful players are few and far between and the number of sports writers, commentators, who can write are even sparser.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Sun Feb 06, 2011 8:54 pm

RetroRomper wrote:I'm at the point where I have to ask if "good" sports writing even exists?

The only person who is actually a good writer and who is also in the field of sportswriting is Joe Posnanski. If you're lucky, you'll find someone who is average, but the great, great majority of them are simply terrible fucking writers.

At least fiv e people on this BBS alone could be the greatest sportswriter of all-time if they chose to enter the field of sportswriting: pinback, Knuckles, Flack, myself and gsdgsd. All of us were too smart to even get into the field in the first place. I mean, the story goes, you used to need to "work your way up" at a newspaper and cover JV Duck Duck Goose at Wynard J. Shitlank High for a couple years before you get the really plum job of being yelled at by the most socially awkward people on the planet, professional athletes. Who needs that? If you're a good enough writer to be the best sportswriter, you have too much pride in yourself to ever submit yourself to hanging around these cretins.

I was driving home today after failing to get a haircut, because the shithole I live in has one place to get a haircut and they have one girl working there on a Sunday, which results in wait times of 45 minutes. Boomer Esiason (former quarterback in the NFL) was talking to Mike McCarthy (head coach of the Green Bay Packers). His insipid question was:

"When you lost to New England, with your backup quarterback, was that the 'low point' of the season?"

And McCarthy says it was, and adds, "and then I came home and the water pipe in my house broke..." That's good! That is good stuff. Holy shit, a know-nothing fuck like Boomer Esiason drew something human out of an NFL coach. And unbelievably, this is what Esiason says next:

"Coach.... coach, nobody car--- no one cares."

He literally told McCarthy "nobody cares." LIIIIIIIITERALLY the -- LITERALLY, the only interesting piece of information he had ever coaxed out of anyone as a quarterback-turned-member-of-the-media, and he basically dropped his pants and took a shit on it. I couldn't believe it. I hate all the stupid gyarrntards that used to play, who now scar the landscape of sports reporting like chicken pox. They somehow figured out a new low.

So, the athletes-turned-media and athletes deserve each other, mostly. At the end of the Super Bowl, someone was "interviewing" Green Bay WR Greg Jennings. Jennings said "wow...." three times in a row, and then spoke of all the "adversity" his team overcame. They had a couple injuries, but there isn't a single thing you can point to, this year for the Green Bay Packers, and label "adversity." They're just stupid people who have freak talent. If there ever were such a thing as the X-Men or Justice League or whatnot, they'd all perish in a horrible explosion the first time they went up against an antagonist who could think beyond a tenth-grade level.

Okay... Heres the controversty...
http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/football/9371621.stm

BBC News wrote:However, new footage has emerged of Gray talking off-air with Sky Sports' pitchside reporter Andy Burton about the female assistant referee before the match between Wolves and Liverpool.

Sky News reported that the pair discussed [the female referee's] appearance, while Gray asks: "What do women know about the offside rule?"

Later, someone leaked a video to YouTube of one of these guys (Gray I believe), asking his female co-host to put her hand in and "pull it out" of his pants or some such. My question is, at what point do you distinguish between the personalities of the talking heads and the writers? Does a competent variety of either exist?

Oh wait... At least the writers do!

Quote from...

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/16/sport ... r=1&src=mv

New York Times wrote: On a frigid night with the temperature just above freezing, Brazil finally melted North Korea’s defense for a 2-1 victory on Tuesday, but the five-time champions never fully thawed out in their World Cup opener.

In a scoreless first half, Brazil seemed alternately nervous, indolent and impatient against North Korea’s compact and organized defense that frequently strung five players across the back line...

That article gets better and better... Little bias is obvious, its a well researched and parsed article and it doesn't give into the whole political game instead focusing on the sport and those who are vying for it. Jesus christ... I'm proud to say an American wrote the above piece.

And this next one, on the same games, forces me to consider moving to another country...

From...
http://espn.go.com/espn/page2/index?id=5315141

ESPN Page 2 wrote: North Korea was impressive in its 2-1 loss to Brazil in the World Cup. After losing 7-0 to Portugal, that moral victory was gone. That must have chafed North Korean leader Kim Jong-Il, since he relented on his plan to only allow news of North Korean World Cup victories and allowed Monday's destruction to be broadcast live.

Political bitching - check.
Barely focusing on the game - check.
Opinionated forecasting - check.
Insulting a nation and a team - check.

Regardless, we have the examples Ice Cream Jonsey pointed out and worse, an industry that exemplifies people such as John Madden and writers at ESPN who have exhausted their years of playing/coaching in relation to their time commenting without expanding on their ability to do either. Guess thoughtful players are few and far between and the number of sports writers, commentators, who can write are even sparser.[/quote]

RetroRomper · Post by **RetroRomper** » Tue Feb 08, 2011 11:29 am

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote: The only person who is actually a good writer and who is also in the field of sportswriting is Joe Posnanski. If you're lucky, you'll find someone who is average, but the great, great majority of them are simply terrible fucking writers.

...[Athletes and commentators are] just stupid people who have freak talent. If there ever were such a thing as the X-Men or Justice League or whatnot, they'd all perish in a horrible explosion the first time they went up against an antagonist who could think beyond a tenth-grade level.

I'm really digging Jere Longman over at the New York Times because his style feels more traditional and less applied, less narrow, than the self dedicated rhetoric that I heard on the NFL last Sunday. Which may be the problem with the NFL and US sports in general: they take themselves far too seriously and oddly, the public as a larger whole support them in their belief. The question is, at what point do a few dozen grown men who are playing at being brutal, but have also specialized in one activity that involves running and tossing a ball around, become a topic worth dedicating ones life to? The scope is very narrow and the saving grace of Jere Longman specifically, is that he is able to add a breadth of life by focusing on the idea that there is a struggle going on in the context of an event that is quickly over... I just don't see him writing about how important the event is and instead focuses on the sort of odd banality of the situation.

And it wouldn't be far fetched to remember that the tradition of over exemplifying a sport also extends to the US coverage of tennis: the "world's longest tennis match" was reported with bated breath with commentators saying in a wispy, dumb blonde house wife way, that "oh gosh... They are still at it after seven hours!" ESPN is especially bad at these sort of "wow... Look at it" episodes, as can be seen in their final coverage of the event...

http://sports.espn.go.com/sports/tennis ... id=5322284

ESPN wrote: But Isner won the most important point of all: the last one, which happened to be a rather nondescript backhand winner down the line. It allowed Isner to break Mahut's serve for only the second time all match. That was also the only service break of the seemingly interminable fifth set, ending a run of 168 consecutive holds that began in the second set, all the way back on Tuesday.

I'm at the point that pulling in game specific terminology and statistics to show just how "WOW COOL!" a match or game was, is also besides the point: highlighting the accomplishment as an accomplishment, only appears valid to be already interested in the topic. The issue with this, is that as already stated, the audience of a sports writer is narrowed down to an audience that would already be reading and doesn't have to be "good," as the audience is captive. But besides viewing the sport itself as somewhat ridiculous, for me the commentary actually gets in the way of enjoying the event: having a constant play by play tries to allow me to phase out and not actually think about what is happening and forms the event into a specific interpretation given by someone who hasn't had the breadth to actually understand what is happening... That is, there is little to no perspective.

For a long time, I was able to watch Japanese Baseball because I either didn't understand the language or the commentary was kept at a minimal and my enjoyment of pre-1980 baseball games was for the same reason. Having a bunch of guys scream out stats (both in the living room and on the television) has no bearing for me on the enjoyment of the game and gets in the way of enjoying the experience itself, because there is far more to understand than a few talking heads screaming out random factoids.

Honestly, if your going to talk about sports, first go understand why the world is the way it is, get some perspective and for the sake of the three bloody God's, go take a class on statistics. Then we can discuss the numbers.

Knuckles the CLown · Post by **Knuckles the CLown** » Tue Feb 22, 2011 12:49 pm

uh oh Relilly is at it again with a new toughest person ever column. "She's as dainty as a forklift!" POW BIFF BOOM REILLY YOU STILL GOT IT DOG!

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/news/story?id=6136707

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Tue Feb 22, 2011 11:51 pm

I could live on posts that destroy that guy and a few multivitamins.

js · Post by js » Tue Mar 22, 2011 4:50 pm

And some rye.

bruce · Post by **bruce** » Tue Mar 29, 2011 8:19 pm

js wrote:And some rye.

'Course you could.

Bruce

RetroRomper · Post by **RetroRomper** » Fri Dec 30, 2011 6:30 pm

Philadelphia Sportswriter Accused of Child Molestation

Jere Longman of the New York Times wrote:The sportswriter, Bill Conlin, 77, a member of the news media wing of the Baseball Hall of Fame and a columnist for The Philadelphia Daily News for more than four decades, abused the children when they were from ages 7 to 12, they told The Inquirer in graphic detail in an article posted on the paper’s Web site.

https://www.nytimes.com/2011/12/21/spor ... 1970s.html

If anyone isn't familiar with him, an archive of his work is available here: http://www.philly.com/philly/columnists/bill_conlin/ Humorously enough, a friend and I were remarking on who in sports would most likely be caught with their hands down the pants of a toddler and Bill Conlin came up (southern, overweight, vaguely white supremacist glean in his eye... He was described as the "uncle your mother wouldn't leave you alone with.")

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Fri Dec 30, 2011 7:10 pm

js wrote:And some rye.

And three first aid kits and about a gallon of whole blood.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Sun Jan 06, 2013 6:08 pm

http://espn.go.com/espn/story/_/id/8810 ... -faqs-2013

At least he has come to grips with the fact that everyone hates him now.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Sun Jan 06, 2013 7:11 pm

I liked his golf novels. I'm sorry, I thought they were funny.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Sun Jan 06, 2013 7:26 pm

Yes, but everyone hates him now.