I’d Like To Propose A Toast.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

a 2006 vintage Charles Shaw cabernet

I drink Charles Shaw.

I mean, come on. It's $3 a bottle (apparently $2 in California) and it gets you drunk and doesn't make you instantly vomit. What's not to love?

Bruce

Is that "Two Buck Chuck"? Someone was having a conversation about that wine recently, and I didn't know what they were talking about until the nickname was involved. It's the same thing with Adam "Pacman" Jones.

[Jack Straw]

How is lame to get you lot to finally throw together something other than pot and kettle posts?

Hey, at least you're not asking for donations!

If you really want to discuss this, PM me or give me a call. I wouldn't want to "ruin" your "BBS" by "clogging" up this thread with "unfunny" and "mean" complaints, let alone "poke" and "prod" an unstable manic depressive "software developer" with a "personality disorder."

[gsdgsd]

Protagonist X was fake?

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

How is lame to get you lot to finally throw together something other than pot and kettle posts?

Hey, at least you're not asking for donations!

If you really want to discuss this, PM me or give me a call. I wouldn't want to "ruin" your "BBS" by "clogging" up this thread with "unfunny" and "mean" complaints, let alone "poke" and "prod" an unstable manic depressive "software developer" with a "personality disorder."

I don't think any of that was really all too "serious." I'm just taking an unwarranted shot across the bow at you, Strawster! I thought that, and savaging sports writers, is what we did here! If you have a problem with that, why don't you cry into your Care Bear?

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Protagonist X was fake?

Sorry, he was just another person I was trying to draw out of the woodwork. Re-reading that post, I also saw that I couldn't handle a period after "Gaybot." Here's the one I am missing:

.

[pinback]

an unstable manic depressive "software developer" with a "personality disorder."

Just to be clear, I was depressive, not manic-depressive.

[ChainGangGuy]

Since we won't be together for this year's International Fruit Day (July 1st), I hereby declare today Fruit Monday. So, to each and everyone of you, I heartily wish you a Happy Fruit Monday!

Brewing with fruit is fairly commonplace in today's craft beer industry, with most brewers having at least one fruit beer in their arsenal. Aside from the rigid stipulation that it be a beer either brewed or flavored with fruit, fruit juices, or fruit extracts, there are no other rules whatsoever - the sky's the limit, baby! The result is an endless array of diverse beers, from a tart and exceedingly funky Cantillon Framboise, to a sugar-soaked Lindemans Pêche "lambic", to a Dark Horse Raspberry Ale or even a Bell's Cherry Stout.

BEER: Sweetwater Blue

To be honest, the bulk of fruit beers available on the market today are brewed with light, refreshing, summertime drinking in mind. Plus, the ladies love'm! Even my friend Natalie admits fruit beers to being "a fun beer for ladies." Sweetwater Blue follows the standard, unspoken template for such fruit beers:

• pale golden-yellow color
• lots of fruit and faint malt on the nose
• mild, lightly fruity flavor
• light, spritzy body that borders on being watery

With Blue, what you’ll get is mostly the essence of blueberries (through what I fully suspect to be use of an artificial extract), and not a dominating fruit flavor. Fruit aside, the beer is a light-bodied, well balanced blonde ale. You’ll taste the sweet pale maltiness, and each sip brings a slight hop bite and ends with a crisp finish. Sweetwater Blue is readily available year-round, and is a sure sight at many local outdoor events and concerts.

Thankfully, some brewers deflty utilize fruit to impart exciting, new complexities to their beers, for those times when you want a little some more.

BEER: New Glarus Belgian Red

Brewed with Montmorency Cherries (purportedly a pound of whole cherries per bottle), locally grown wheat, and Hallertau hops, the beer is then left to mature in 12 ft. tall oak tanks. Okay, great, let's get to it. Murky ruby-hue capped by a flamingo-pink head appearance and harbors an aroma reeking of unabashed cherrynicity, there's nothing fake or artificial about this beer. With a taste reminiscient of fruit leather, the flavor is certainly aggressive in it's sheer determination to cram that pound of cherries down your damn throat. It deftly walks the fine line between sweet and tart and carries with it a jolt of juicy, cheek-pinching acidity. The malted wheat and hops definitely take a backseat to the deep, strong cherry fruitiness. God, I hope you like cherries. The high level of carbonation in the beer does well to bring a much-needed levity to what otherwise would be a thick, syrupy body. You do like cherries, right? Overall, a deliciously unique beverage, though I suspect some may be left angrily shouting the catchphrase "Where's the Beer?"

To Fruit Monday!! To Jolt Country!!

Now if only I could find a fruit beer brewed with sweet, juicy nectarines...

[pinback]

Of all of the things I will not miss about Jolt Country, I will not miss this thread the least!

[gsdgsd]

BEER: Sweetwater Blue

A beer I can speak about. It produces some of the worst hangovers imaginable, all out of proportion to the amount consumed.

Now if only I could find a fruit beer brewed with sweet, juicy nectarines...

Do you ever go to the Brick Store? They have lambics and fruit beers galore.

[ChainGangGuy]

Let's get in one more for Fruit Monday, shall we?

BEER: Kuhnhenn Brewing Tenacious Cassis

Pours a dark brown body, ruby-hued hints at the edges, and encircled by a ring of off-white bubbles (any head formation clearly killed off by the whopping 16½ abv). Here goes nothing. Holy moly, you can smell the black currants the second the cap is lifted from the bottle. No doubt I’m in for a treat. Pure cassis, babies! Dark malts bolstered by a strong, unrelenting sweetness, but let's face it, the flavor is completely dominated by the concentrated, liqueur-like black currant taste. Midway, you can pick up a faint hint of roast, a touch of chocolate, but there's not much able to get past the cassis. A lip-licking tartness from the fruit comes out to temper the dessert-like sweetness. The "beer" finishes quite warm, leaving a lightly tart aftertaste. It's full-bodied, and though a medium level of carbonation is present, you can't escape that thick, tongue-coating mouthfeel. Sporting an intense, yet refined cassis liqueur flavor, this beverage is best suited to a post-dinner sipper or instances of plotting intriques. I will always adore Kuhnhenn for brewing this beer, as well as others like their Raspberry Eisbock, Fourth Dementia, and Imperial Stout. Don’t care what crappers they churn out in the future; they’ll forever have my awe because of these beers.

But that’s just me.

To Jolt Country!!

[Vitriola]

Does this beer hope I like cassis?

[Jack Straw]

To Jolt Country!!

Hear, hear! <clink>

[ChainGangGuy]

Do you ever go to the Brick Store? They have lambics and fruit beers galore.

Why, I was there this past Sunday, Greg! However, and much to my regret, I haven't made it out to the nearby Twain's Brewpub in ages.

[ChainGangGuy]

Let's bring it down a notch for Tuesday, take it easy, remain calm, and keep it well under 5.5% abv.

Without engaging in a lengthy, coma-inducing definition of the term "session beer", let's just says it's:

A cultural term originating in the UK pertaining to beers, typical cask-conditioned milds or ordinary bitters, that do not generally exceeding 4 percent alcohol by volume so as to allow the drinker to remain of relatively sound mind for the duration of the "session".

Although, that should not mean beers that are weak, thin, or shamefully boring in every way. Instead, we're looking for beers that are low in alcohol, easy to imbibe, yet still manage to PUMP IT UP in terms of flavor.


BEER: Pilsner Urquell (4.4%)

First off, I simply must mention the new presentation for this, the classic pilsner. Tall, golden cans with a classy-looking inlaid design. Delightful! Anyway, it exits the can a cheery, sunflower gold body and all at once sets to work forming a thick, foamy white head. The aroma, sporting a hint of bread, showcases the richly aromatic Saaz hop with an exquisite blend of flowers and spice. Pilsner Urquell inbues the palate with the breadiness of a fresh sliced baquette along with a light honeyed sweetness wrought from its sturdy pils malt backbone. The Saaz hops, prominent in their floral spiciness, also lend the beer a balancing zip of bitterness and leaves the brew to finish with a light, lingering spice. The soft Bohemian water helps it achieve a medium body accentuated by a soft carbonation. Over one hundred sixty years later and still one of the best pilsners brewed anywhere.

Oh, and for Christ sake stick to either can or draft ONLY. Otherwise, you open yourself up to widely varying degrees of freshness and light-struck taint.

Recommended Food Pairing: garbage plate


More session-minded beers to follow!

I've heard several good things regarding Full Sail's Session Premium Lager. Heck, it's got the word "session" slapped across the front label. Too bad they don't distribute this far east of the Mississippi...

"I only wish... Ben were here." -- Luke Skywalker

To Jolt Country!!

[ChainGangGuy]

In case you're a newer member of the BBS, do yourself a favor, go read all previous ROCKER posts in the Troll Room archives. You'll be glad you did. ROCKER was the ballsiest, rockingest guy in the whole world. They'll be a few pages back, but you should have no trouble locating them, as there was nothing obscure, nothing plain about the ROCKER.

And it worked, I tell you what. His posts and animated gifs had everyone from Roody to One of the Bruces looking forward to Friday, until one day, when, for no good, he left us...forever! In the years since, I've been checking the Troll Room irregularly, hoping to see a return of his unique brand of Fridaytime RAWQ, but he's been gone for many years now. Although, if Matedire can return to us (minus the $200, of course), then surely... surely ROCKER can RAWCK us one last time.

BEER: Mickey's Fine Malt Liquor

It never fails. You can always find at least a few half-finished bottles of Mickey's scattered around Atlanta park benches. Sure, it's warm and completely flat, but it's free.

I hunkered down beside the bench, wiped some sediment from the rim, and took a deep gulp from it. TASTY! Sweetish and refreshing, with that industrial chemical soaked corn taste I love. Slight metallic aftertaste. Hang in there till the last drop is gone, you'll be glad you did. It's a shame they redesigned the bottles, getting cut by those peel-back metal tabs was part of the fun.

People have been known to gripe about vicious 3-day hangovers from drinking Mickey's, but c'mon, guys, don't knock it till you've drank it for at least a couple weeks straight. At least have one for old friend ROCKER.

To ROCKER!! To Friday!! To Jolt Country!!

[Vitriola]

They redesigned the fucking bottles? F that. It's back to Red Stripe for me.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Rocker told me he left because the last time he posted, nobody cared. He was answering viewer mail in the Troll Room.

[AArdvark]

I thought he was in jail and could only post on Fridays or something.

Not that I pay attention to these things or anything...



THE
HARD TIME
AARDVARK

[ChainGangGuy]

It's hard to believe that nearly six years have gone by since Jolt Country, The Great On-Line Empire first came online. And Ben Parrish, with his razor-sharp wit, has been entertaining us from day one. As his posts number well into the thousands, it is clear to see Ben Parrish's contribution to this BBS has been immense. It is undeniable! Our time is somewhat limited, so I can't possibly begin to summarize them, so be sure the swing by The Best Of base on your way out. At times he was a bit of a bully, having verbally flogged nearly everyone on the memberlist at one point or another. At times he was quiet and peaceful, with a subdued wisdom infusing his many posts. Some found they were drawn viscerally to his posts, while still others decided to leave the site forever because of them. But love him or hate him, one thing's for sure, the man TELLS it like it is and his posts always make for an interesting read. Today's toast is to our dear friend, Ben "Pinback" Parrish.


BEER: Bell's HopSlam Ale


Today, I've chosen a brew from Bell's, a well-respected craft brewery from Kalamazoo, Michigan. I believe it was Ben who once told me that hops were the "heart and soul" of any good beer, so I felt a double (or imperial) IPA to be a fitting choice for his toast. Double IPA's are India Pale Ales on a daily HGH regimen and subjected to varying levels of gamma radiation. This produces a hop profile and alcohol content of considerable strength. Let's get to the beer, we don't have a moment to waste!

Bell's HopSlam pours out a bright, translucent orangey body topped by a dense cap of ivory foam. Alright, now lean in close and get a big whiff of that aroma. Wow, they ain’t fucking around. Incredibly redolent scent almost stinking of fresh ruby red grapefruit, pineapple rings, passion fruit, and honeydew melon. Smells wonderful. The taste provides a subtly sweet pale maltiness which is obscured, and right so, by the extreme hoppiness of this fine beer. Wave after wave of intense, juicy tropical fruit hop flavors wash over the palate. Each new sip delivers a moderate kick of potent bitterness (some would even say 4 Whimpering maggots out of 5!). The 10% abv is very well hidden amidst so many superb hop flavors. At last, HopSlam finishes bittersweet with a long, lingering tropical fruitiness.

With 70 tongue-searing IBUs, HopSlam is a true Double India Pale Ale, and it never hides behind a suspiciously malt-heavy grain bill and toothsome sweet caramel flavors more suited to a barleywine. After four years, still the most important name in hops.

Ben Parrish, along with Robb, breathed a rich life into this BBS. Hell, they owned this place. They are the giants on who's shoulders this site stands. So, let me take this opportunity to extend my sincere gratitude to Ben for giving us so much. Thanks, pal. Many years from now people will continue to look back on your work here with reverence and awe. I truly hope one day to sit down with my friend, Ben, perhaps over a Bell's HopSlam, and fondly reminisce about our bygone Jolt Country days.

"I hope." --Morgan Freeman


To Pinback!! To Jolt Country!!

[ChainGangGuy]

For the last several weeks, it's been same old, same old. Another pilsner, another amber, maybe a couple pale ales. Three stouts. So, while at the bar this past weekend, I couldn't help bemoaning the sad fact that I'm WAAAAY overdue for something different, something one-of-a-kind. That's when the bartender kindly informed me there indeed was something different, something one-of-a-kind available: something from Short's Brewing, a brewery known for their exceptionally unique (if not downright wacky) hand-crafted beers. I at once became agitated with excitement and started pacing the room, glass in hand, like a caged jungle cat (with glass in paw).

Here's what hit the bar:

BEER: Short's Brewing - Bloody Beer

"Specialty Beer fermented with Roma tomatoes and spiced with tellicherry peppercorns, celery seed, fresh horseradish and dill."

Jesus Christ.

One of my drinking colleagues wouldn't even give the bottle a second glance, noting "that shit sounds made-up" before storming out of the room in a huff. I can't entirely blame him, either. I was certainly inclined to agree, but rather than cuss the sad bastard out or throw some sort of tizzy, I just poured myself a tall glass and knocked it back, man. Knocked it right the fuck back!

Goodbye, everyone!! I'm disappearing into Tomato World.

Bloody Beer sports a clearish, amberesque body with a small, though lasting, white head. OK, well, it doesn't exactly look like a Bloody Mary. Cool by me, though, as it's an absolute treat to smell. The various components come through full and distinct in the nose; you can easily pick out the tomatoes, horseradish, dill, and various spices. Yes, yes, it’s all coming together, it's starting to remind me more and more of... a Red Eye (basically, a cocktail made with lager and Bloody Mary mix). At the fore is a nice, distinct, though not overdone horseradish and black pepper spiciness. Don't worry, though, the roma tomatoes are totally in the hizzy, but they simply impart a somewhat mild, lightly sweetish tomato character for the spices and seasonings to rest on. Along the way you also pick up hints of sugar and rock salt. It's relatively light in body, thankfully not sitting nearly as heavy on the palate or in the stomach as a regular Bloody Mary. And for those wondering: no, it never abandons the charade, tasting of Bloody Mary from start the finish.

All in all, I liked it, but I wouldn't make a habit of it. That being said, Short's set themselves a definite goal to reach and really delivered in terms of honest-to-goodness Bloody Mary taste. Unique specialty beers hit the beer scene all the time and oftentimes they fall way, way short of delivering on their promises, so kudos to Short’s in that regard.

If I'm ever fortunate enough to cross paths with some of their other beers, such as the Abnormal Genius (brewed with sunflower seeds and honey) or the Smoked Apple Ale (an amber ale jacked up with seven bushels of apple wood smoked apples), I'll greet them with an open mind and heart.