BLUE JAYS GET B.J. AND A.J. FUCK YEAAAH

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Also, this is mostly for Bugs -- there's a good website for the Jays right here: www.battersbox.ca .

But if you know of another one, please feel free to chime in.

An aside: there is a full screen mode to MLB.TV broadcasts. It makes the ball a real object, instead of what it is on the smaller screen, i.e., a hysterical mass hallucination causing so much bullshit posturing.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Jays take two out of three from the Sox. Highlights include seeing David Wells, all four hundred pounds of him, getting roughed up in game two. Wells, an eyesore, whined and begged his way out of Toronto during his second stint there. Too stupid to understand that the laughable salary discrepancies in MLB allowed Toronto absolutely no shot at playoff contention for the longest time, Wells's infantile behavior manifested himself in slack-jawed disbelief that more Toronto citizens didn't come to more wholly unimportant and therefore uninteresting games.

On the other hand, he hates Bud Selig, the worst commissioner in the history of professional sport. So while we here at the new Jolt Country Dot Com don't wish him dead, we do wish him to go about 1-18.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

The Jays just ended the "magic" of closer John Papelbon. He was perfect in save opportunities before this game.

If they can just stay with the pack until we get past the preposterous opening of the schedule I think we'll be in good shape.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

First dream about the season! I dreamt that I personally traded B.J. Ryan for Barry Bonds. I woke up HORRIFIED. And don't get me wrong -- it's not because of Bonds' steroid scandal, but because I traded a guy in his prime (even if he is a relief pitcher) for a guy who is, what, 41?

It took me until my morning commute to finally shake that really awful dream. I did that thing where you wake up and remember the dream from before, too, which is always a great time for what should be a resting mind.

You know, I have never really watched this much baseball before. I have never had access to every game. The Jays won tonight and it's a good feeling! If I am lucky -- really, truly lucky -- I might get to see ten Saints victories in five months. Maybe. Most likely it is 3 victories in 4 months. However, my psyche still produces positive feedback when the Blue Jays win every single time. It's put me in a remarkably good mood. It's like the Saints winning 16 games in less than a month. It's like how they grow a banana which is half the size of a Safeway Brand Safeway Banana but with all the flavor "compressed."

...

... Man, my football team really fucking sucks.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Tonight, the Angels got to Troy Glaus by hitting him on the fucking arm. This game also featured what has to be the first recorded instance of a brother (Anaheim Molina) stealing on a brother (Bengie Molina)... and then the stole-upon brother (Bengie Molina) later stealing on the first brother (Anaheim Molina of Los Angeles).

So, ha ha, you tagged our best bat, great win Halos!

The homer announcers for the Angels are fucking unbearable.

[Bugs]

And Gustavo Chacin goes on the 15-day DL retroactive to May 11 with a strange arm ailment strikingly similar to that which AJ is dealing/dealt with.

Christ on a bike, we can't catch a break.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Chacin just wins, baby. His ERA could rival Towers and I don't know what it is, but the guys just knock in runs for him.

I just got my tickets for the weekend series. Someone on the radio said it was the first time the Jays have ever been in Colorado. I could have sworn they were here years ago, and I didn't see them because of baseball's stupid salary structure.

On two of the days I got tickets near third base, because Glaus is quickly becoming my favorite non-Halladay player on this team. Let's now play DIPSHIT JONSEY THEATRE where I go and read a medical update on Glaus and see if he is going to play in any of these games!

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

He's day to day. Could have been worse. I hope Halladay pitches into the seventh and then beans Vlad in the head before getting thrown out of the game tonight.

Also -- with the game being in California, there is much less pressure to speed home so I can still catch some of the game before Halladay mows them down in 90 minutes. (It is also why I was hoping he was going to pitch out here -- perfect game to take Dayna to, who is not relishing spending four hours at the park.)

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

I can't believe I paid $40 to see Josh Towers. Never again! NEVER AGAIN!

[Bugs]

Robb, please don't ever again attend an entire Blue Jays series. Look what you've done.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Robb, please don't ever again attend an entire Blue Jays series. Look what you've done.

I can't BELIEVE that shit.

I spent $185 on tickets, combined, alone for that garabge. Nice job not starting Rios yesterday, by the way, HE ONLY FUCKING HOMERED.

I saw at least 5 Jays-Orioles games in the 90s. They lost every one. I saw them play the A's once in the late 80s. They lost. I saw them play the Yankees when Fat Cecil was there, they lost.

I saw them beat the Mariners once and the Royals once.

I am 2-10 lifetime.

[pinback]

I saw the Blue Jays play the Brewers at Skydome in 1989.

They lost.

0-1.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

I saw the Blue Jays play the Brewers at Skydome in 1989.

They lost.

0-1.

They just took two from the Tampa Bay Devil Rays.

I think the Red Sox and Yanks are busy pasting each other.

Did A-Rod actually apologize for hitting that homer when they were out of it, or was that just talk radio bluster?

[Bugs]

So, yeah, i'm seeing the Jays in Atlanta next Thursday night, and AJ is scheduled to make his first start back that night. Outstanding. It'll either be really awesome or really shitty.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

So, yeah, i'm seeing the Jays in Atlanta next Thursday night, and AJ is scheduled to make his first start back that night. Outstanding. It'll either be really awesome or really shitty.

Into enemy territory! I would LOVE to catch a Jays game in either Atlanta or Philadelphia.

Actually, it occurs to me that I have seen the Flyers play in Buffalo, so I have gone to an arena, rooting for a team that beat the local team in the finals. I say this not because it's impressive, but because it never occurred to me that I had done such a thing until now. Hmm.

At any rate! No matter what the score is, you can always scream, "KISS THE RINGS!"

[ICJ]

So, yeah, i'm seeing the Jays in Atlanta next Thursday night, and AJ is scheduled to make his first start back that night. Outstanding. It'll either be really awesome or really shitty.

I hope you had a great time! How did it go?

[Bugs]

It was fantastic. Great game, great seats in the upper deck right behind the plate. Except for the Atlanta bitches 6 rows back yelling at me in a bad Canadian accent and saying that "they" just won the Stanley Cup, everything was perfect.

BJ Ryan was just as fun to watch in person as he is on TV, and Burnett pitched very well. But not as good as last night. Complete game shutout, 92 pitches, 70 for strikes. !!!.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

It was fantastic. Great game, great seats in the upper deck right behind the plate. Except for the Atlanta bitches 6 rows back yelling at me in a bad Canadian accent and saying that "they" just won the Stanley Cup, everything was perfect.

It pains me to think that the Deep South believes that everyone who is a Jays fan must be Canadian. You didn't automatically assumed that she was racist and barefoot, right? I can't guest post, so presume that I replied as her saying that she had JIGGA BOO THE JAYS tattooed on her toes with a spelling error right after this.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Okay, so, Shea is gone. Whatever. I can't believe we're not going to get a pitcher for him.

Here's the best part:

Blue Jays general manager J.P. Ricciardi was getting acupuncture treatment and had eight needles in his back when he learned what Hillenbrand (did).

Jesus Christ.

[Vitriola]

I bet that shit's covered by insurance in Canada.