Jolt Country

Funnyman #1 wrote:Don't be so hard on yourself.....ANY thread of yours is a negative experience. Smile

Funnyman #2 wrote:If I spent my hard earned ducketts on RENO FUGGIN 9 1 1, then I'd probably feel worthless and just wish I could go to sleep all the time too.

Great content, guys. You're really bringing it.

Aren't your expectations lowered by now?
I mean for my posts, not your DVD purchases. That much is obvious.

pinback wrote:Great content, guys. You're really bringing it.

Dude, you're posting messages about eating "reduced fat" Pringles and sitting on the can all day. I wouldn't exactly call that piloting the comedy juggernaut to a 1st place finish.

Oh, and what's with Sunny D? Take a look at the ingredients label sometime....it's pure high fructose corn syrup with like 1% juice in it. My urine has higher nutritional value than that shit.

chris wrote:Dude, you're posting messages about eating "reduced fat" Pringles and sitting on the can all day. I wouldn't exactly call that piloting the comedy juggernaut to a 1st place finish.

This isn't a comedy thread, Chris. It's not supposed to be. If it was supposed to be, then it'd be funny.

Oh, and what's with Sunny D? Take a look at the ingredients label sometime....it's pure high fructose corn syrup with like 1% juice in it. My urine has higher nutritional value than that shit.

What does this have to do with anything?

This isn't a comedy thread, so I won't say anything funny. However! When I used to work at the Convenience Store on summer break from college we used to get the guys come in that we'd call "the Ant Eaters." They would suck down two things if you didn't watch them:

1) The sugar. Self-explanatory. But you'd see an empty bag with a single hole in it. I think a number of professional comedians have spoken to this at length.

2) The Sunny D. They LOVED that stuff. They would lock on with their proboscis and slurp away until you swatted them with the Greater Rochester Apartment Finder (which is also the only case of the GRAE ever helping someone).

Very surprising to see when you're not prepared -- probably just as surprising as learning that the lyrics to "The Game of Love" by Santana and Michelle Branch were written by neither of them but in fact by a native speaker of English. Who would have predicted? Nobody who ever listened to the song would have.

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:2) The Sunny D. They LOVED that stuff. They would lock on with their proboscis and slurp away until you swatted them with the Greater Rochester Apartment Finder (which is also the only case of the GRAE ever helping someone).

It can definitely be a refreshing change from the purple stuff.

Why the fuck would you quit drinking? Now you have nothing to blame your lameness on. Before you could blame your no girl-getting-lame-ass on having a drinking problem, now you have nothing to blame it on except your lack of social skills. Instead of quitting drinking, QUIT BEING SUCH a GODDAMN VAGINA!

get bent

pinback wrote:What does this have to do with anything?

Think about it. You're giving up something you like (booze) and replacing it with really crappy foods that you KNOW aren't good for you. You stop taking one poison, and start taking another. Net gain = 0.

If you replaced the Pringles and Sunny D with some really high quality kettle chips (or maybe even healthier food) and not-from-concentrate orange juice, maybe you'd feel a little better about things. I'm no spazzy health nut, but I *do* go way out of my way to buy the best quality food that I can, and it DOES make a difference. Qutting the booze AND eating better = winning situation!

The intent behind quitting booze was not for physical health considerations.

pinback wrote:The intent behind quitting booze was not for physical health considerations.

mens sana in corpore sano

k. roo wrote:

pinback wrote:The intent behind quitting booze was not for physical health considerations.

mens sana in corpore sano

Is this what we're going to do now, in this thread? Just throw out two-bit goddamn opinions, lame attempts at hostile humor, and cliche soundbites as fast as possible without attempting to learn anything or listen to anyone or say anything constructive?

I'll tell you, as suck-ass a place as Groucho is, at least they have actual discussions there.

MAN, do you people suck. Which is interesting, because you're all the same goddamn people. I suppose JC is now the designated LAME AREA.

pinback wrote:

k. roo wrote:

pinback wrote:The intent behind quitting booze was not for physical health considerations.

mens sana in corpore sano

Is this what we're going to do now, in this thread? Just throw out two-bit goddamn opinions, lame attempts at hostile humor, and cliche soundbites as fast as possible without attempting to learn anything or listen to anyone or say anything constructive?

I'll tell you, as suck-ass a place as Groucho is, at least they have actual discussions there.

MAN, do you people suck. Which is interesting, because you're all the same goddamn people. I suppose JC is now the designated LAME AREA.

Congrats to Ben for finally saying something actually funny.

pinback wrote:Is this what we're going to do now, in this thread? Just throw out two-bit goddamn opinions, lame attempts at hostile humor, and cliche soundbites as fast as possible without attempting to learn anything or listen to anyone or say anything constructive?

I'll tell you, as suck-ass a place as Groucho is, at least they have actual discussions there.

Without trying to insult anybody or anything, I'd say that the reason Groucho has more "discussions" is simply due to the difference in subject matter. It's a lot easier to have meaningful participatory discussions when you're talking about kids or lawn care or something else of substance that most of the callers can all relate to. Whether they're more mature topics or just different in nature is a decision the reader must make for him/herself.

Today's discussions here have revolved around you eating Pringles and sitting on the can feeling sorry for yourself, and that's the kind of stuff that one-liners are made for. Also consider the fact that you're telling the rest of us that every posting is supposed to be funny, and couple that with the fact that some of us (and by that I mean ME) don't have the comic wit of an ICJ and can't write 5 paragraphs off the tops of our heads and make every line comedy gold.

Now if you want to have Groucho-esque discussions here, and talk about painting the house or plans for Father's Day or how to change the brakes on a VW, I'm all for it. However, I'll wager that I'm in the minority.

Welcome to the latest episode of: "Name The Three Most Boring Things In The World!"

Let's bring up our next contestant... Chris! Chris, come on down here and play our game!

You've seen the show, now, Chris, haven't you? Okay, good, so you know how it works. It's real simple. Are you ready?

Okay, let's play!

Name the THREE MOST BORING THINGS IN THE WORLD!

chris wrote:painting the house

chris wrote:plans for Father's Day

chris wrote:how to change the brakes on a VW

Judges?

WE HAVE A WINNER! Congratulations, CHRIS! You've won the grand prize, and you'll be invited to the BORING TOURNAMENT OF CHAMPIONS later in the year!

So why the fuck did you quit drinking, again?

Lysander wrote:So why the fuck did you quit drinking, again?

In an attempt to regain his sense of humor. Hasn't worked.

God, are you a bad poster, Chris. Go paint your father's house.

pinback wrote:God, are you a bad poster, Chris. Go paint your father's house.

Go have another Pabst, you lush.

Hey Chris, I've been curious about something:

When you're a bad poster, do you know you're a bad poster? I mean, do you apologetically reach for the Post button, muttering "man, another dud... battin' 1000 today", or do you confidently and with great vengeance and furious anger SLAM your finger down on the left mouse button going "A-HA! Take THAT, my intellectual superior!"

I just want to know.