Jolt Country

AArdvark wrote:who does not have a fog machine full of LSD mushrooms..

pinback, apparently, does not.

Well don't invite me there for dinner, that's all I'm gonna say..




THE
YOU DONT WANT
HANNIBAL LECHTER
INSIDE YOUR HEAD
AGENT STARLING
AARDVARK

Who's the fucktard that posted about a made up restaurant in his <s>dorm room</s> apartment and didn't even have the IQ to put it in the cooking base. Pinback, that's who.

- The restaurant doesn't actually exist, so neither, by association, does she.

CHANCE OF SUCCESS: Nonexistent.
ENTHUSIASM LEVEL: Distorted.

http://soundamerica.com/sounds/cartoons ... oopy22.wav


THE
SAYS IT ALL
AARDVARK

I confess! I did titter at the unnecessary "dorm room" shot there. I liked it so much I didn't check the IP address to see who wrote it.

I started the day trying to make this BBS better.

I ended the day finding it thricefold worse.

I will now invent a new woman in my mind and brutally slaughter her and her whole family (who I will also invent, and they will be born with a rare disease which renders their pain sensors especially heightened to chainsaws to the face.)

pinback wrote:I started the day trying to make this BBS better.

I ended the day finding it thricefold worse.

Why? Because some wag was KIDDING with you? Man, wha a pussy. What an old woman. For a guy who came pretty hard with the blind cracks earlier today you sure only see what you want to.

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:Why? Because some wag was KIDDING with you? Man, wha a pussy.

Ahhh your brain Katamari is sooo small! It has failed to pick up any of the things. We are sure we could do much better.

ROYAL RAINBOW!!!!

My objection was not to this "wags" kidding with me. My objection was to the fact that you all, wags included, have failed to PUMP IT UP, as I had specifically requested. I don't want to see one-off stupid goddamn jokes that take 10 seconds to type in and even less to think of. The ONLY person on here who has been able to do that successfully is, ironically, the only person on here who can't seem to figure out how instant messaging systems work: VITRIOLAX. Bruce comes in a distant second, since most of his good lines still seem to have to do with him sodomizing somebody's dead mother or something.

I want to see some GODDAMN EFFORT and GODDAMN TIME and GODDAMN CONCERTED MOTIVATION to start turning this place into a reliable receptacle for interesting, entertaining, and, as the kids say, "exceptional" content.

I want you people to PUMP YOUR SHIT UP, and hey, if that makes me an old woman, then just call me GRANDMA PINBACK. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a pie baking in the oven, and have to get ready for my osteoperosis appointment.

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:check the IP address to see who wrote it.

you actually do that? I feel so violated.

No. Ben has yelled and kicked and screamed so often that I don't do it any more, but wished to create the illusion that I know that you're all secretly Gerrit.

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:No. Ben has yelled and kicked and screamed so often that I don't do it any more, but wished to create the illusion that I know that you're all secretly Gerrit.

More lies from the increasingly despicable curator of this Museum of the Damned. If he doesn't do it anymore, why was the very first request he made when I asked for suggestions for BBBB that IP tracking be implemented?

"Please implement this feature right away which I will now go on my own BBS and lie and say that I don't use anymore, even though I use it more often than I dye my hair, which is like, fifteen times an hour."

Pants. On. Fire.

pinback wrote:More lies from the increasingly despicable curator of this Museum of the Damned. If he doesn't do it anymore, why was the very first request he made when I asked for suggestions for BBBB that IP tracking be implemented?

The Interactive Fiction Wiki describes your humble narrator as "[absolutely dashing] and [reckless... we called him 'Hollywood'... an exciting fellow, I suppose he simply lived a life unlike what the rest of us ever dream] of."

Do you know what it says about Bejamin "Shitbag" Parrish? No? I'm not surprised. He's NOT LISTED because he's so fundamentally UN-important to everything in the scheme of things that they thought of 147 other people to describe first, some of which even exclusively program in ADRIFT.

This is the person you're all going to listen to when it comes to what running a BBS is all about? This... this contemptible slime?

Look no further than the men who produced both your charming narrator and his opponent.

Pinback, Sr.: Pretended to be a woman on the Internet. The first thing that got him killed him.

ICJ, Sir: Can barely type "www" in an hour. Has been broken down and put back together more times than a jigsaw puzzle of Humpty Dumpty.

"Please implement this feature right away which I will now go on my own BBS and lie and say that I don't use anymore, even though I use it more often than I dye my hair, which is like, fifteen times an hour."

Ha ha, what is this, now? This from a guy who has to operate in an all-blue light environment as otherwise people who visit his home are blinded by the light refracted from his OVERSIZED BALD DOME. Not that running 10,000 lights and possible burning out your coffin-sized apartment's electrical system is any big deal to you, all you need to do to get some light is to open your mouth wide so the candle sticks out, you human fucking Jack O'Lantern.

Hey I wish you were still in Colorado, we could have used your help on the Mock Draft document by rubbing your (giant) head and peering into it to see the future. So why don't you take that life-size AIM smiley moping on top of your neck and CRAM IT, Luna -- we're all impressed that you're able to influence the tides but that doesn't mean you know anything about edit functions.

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:Ha ha, what is this, now? This from a guy who has to operate in an all-blue light environment as otherwise people who visit his home are blinded by the light refracted from his OVERSIZED BALD DOME.

You'll appreciate that when you come over, because the festering Kashmir Chicken and Safeway Sandwich stains all over your reeking, crusty T-shirt will be all the less noticeable. However, as they function also as blacklights, it will make all the more noticeable the cat semen stains from where Newton comes in and fucks your stomach every night because he thinks he's Muslim, and just blew himself up in a suicide bombing, so there's 70 virgin female cats waiting in there.

You could probably get him out of that habit once you understand that to get the free sandwich at Safeway, you don't have to EAT ALL SEVEN OF THE OTHER ONES AT THE SAME TIME.

LUCY UPDATE

Well, this is just disastrous. Everything was going along so well, too.

Somebody tell me what's going on here:

Last week, we continued to keep the patter and the chatter up, and she'd gotten to a point where when she'd have a free moment, she'd just come by my cube, all smiles, nothing in particular to talk about, just to hang out, say hi, whatever. Had to think that was a good sign.

Everything was moving in the right direction.

Today, Monday, May 23 -- We all file into the big conference room for our weekly "all hands" meeting. Well, there's miss Lucy with her hands, out front, scribbling in her little notebook. And you'll never guess what just showed up, just today, on those very hands:

A diamond ring, on the ring finger of her left hand. Just, BAM, just showed up today.

What is that? WHAT IS THAT? What is going on here?

Where is the goddamn luck, friends?

pinback wrote:A diamond ring, on the ring finger of her left hand. Just, BAM, just showed up today.

This is another example of why the "friends first" approach just doesn't ever work. If you had found the balls to ask her out when you were first interested then she could have told you that she "already had a boyfriend" and you wouldn't have wasted our time with this.

Casual Observer wrote:If you had found the balls to ask her out when you were first interested then she could have told you that she "already had a boyfriend" and you wouldn't have wasted our time with this.

Oh, FUCK YOU, Lubed-Up-Asshole Observer. Every fucking second of your life is time wasted, and every fucking MICROSECOND that ANYBODY in this crowd is on this BBS is time wasted, so don't fucking pull this "quit wasting our time" bullshit. What the hell do you want to talk about, anyway? Which brand of lube causes the least chaffing on your undersized Lincoln Log dick when you shove it into the bunghole of your hairy man-child sexual deviance victim? ASSHOLE.

Second of all, we had barely spoken one word to each other before last week. Yeah, how exactly do you make that fly, in an office environment? "Hey, yeah, I thought that test plan you wrote up was pretty good, although I've made a few modifications and passed it along to the change board. Oh, by the way, WILL U GO OUT WIFF ME?? [ ] YES [ ] NO. Oh, yeah, my name's Ben." Is that your version of the money move? IS IT, you turd-sucking lump of steaming garbage?

Pinback is Bald!!! LOL

pinback wrote:Second of all, we had barely spoken one word to each other before last week. Yeah, how exactly do you make that fly, in an office environment? "Hey, yeah, I thought that test plan you wrote up was pretty good, although I've made a few modifications and passed it along to the change board. Oh, by the way, WILL U GO OUT WIFF ME?? [ ] YES [ ] NO. Oh, yeah, my name's Ben." Is that your version of the money move? IS IT, you turd-sucking lump of steaming garbage?

This is why I predict Pinback will be a lifelong bachelor....he has the same exact personality that every lifelong bachelor I've ever known has. They're nice folks, but you say the wrong word, and they (unjustifiably) go off on you.

Case in point: Right after we bought our house (but before we moved in), I ran into a former coworker at the supermarket. Nice enough guy, but a lifelong bachelor. After shooting the shit for a few minutes, I mentioned that we had bought a house. He's all happy for me. I then tell him where it's located, and his reply was (in an incredibly snobby tone): "WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO LIVE ***THERE***???". Yeah, well, fuck you too.

I'm not sure if they're bachelors because of their personality, or if being a bachelor makes them like this. Doesn't much matter I suppose....it still sucks to have to tip-toe around folks like this.

chris wrote:

pinback wrote:Second of all, we had barely spoken one word to each other before last week. Yeah, how exactly do you make that fly, in an office environment? "Hey, yeah, I thought that test plan you wrote up was pretty good, although I've made a few modifications and passed it along to the change board. Oh, by the way, WILL U GO OUT WIFF ME?? [ ] YES [ ] NO. Oh, yeah, my name's Ben." Is that your version of the money move? IS IT, you turd-sucking lump of steaming garbage?

This is why I predict Pinback will be a lifelong bachelor....he has the same exact personality that every lifelong bachelor I've ever known has. They're nice folks, but you say the wrong word, and they (unjustifiably) go off on you.

Case in point: Right after we bought our house (but before we moved in), I ran into a former coworker at the supermarket. Nice enough guy, but a lifelong bachelor. After shooting the shit for a few minutes, I mentioned that we had bought a house. He's all happy for me. I then tell him where it's located, and his reply was (in an incredibly snobby tone): "WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO LIVE ***THERE***???". Yeah, well, fuck you too.

I'm not sure if they're bachelors because of their personality, or if being a bachelor makes them like this. Doesn't much matter I suppose....it still sucks to have to tip-toe around folks like this.

This is why I predict Chris will be a lifelong moron...because he is a moron.

pinback wrote:Somebody tell me what's going on here:

I SEEK A BRIDE! LUCY SHALL BE MY BRIDE!