Tiny Movie Reviews

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Mon Jun 28, 2004 10:31 am

pinback wrote:
Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:What was Adaption's gimmick?
I would recommend instead actually watching the movie. Very good and very, very clever.

...

Anyone else?

bruce · Post by **bruce** » Mon Jun 28, 2004 11:18 am

pinback wrote:He's thinner than the other guy, now.

I figure Siskel is pretty Goddamn thin now, unless he was cremated, in which case he's even Goddamn thinner.

Bruce

Vitriola · Post by **Vitriola** » Mon Jun 28, 2004 11:37 am

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:
pinback wrote:
Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:What was Adaption's gimmick?
I would recommend instead actually watching the movie. Very good and very, very clever.
...

Anyone else?

Not on my watch. Put me in the "I get it already, end the movie' camp. And I even like orchids.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Mon Jun 28, 2004 1:32 pm

bruce wrote:
pinback wrote:He's thinner than the other guy, now.
I figure Siskel is pretty Goddamn thin now, unless he was cremated, in which case he's even Goddamn thinner.

Bruce

Let me say it again: ROEPER, you idiot.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Mon Jun 28, 2004 1:39 pm

pinback wrote:Roeper, you idiot.

??? No, moron, Gene Siskel is the dead one.

Christ.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Mon Jun 28, 2004 2:14 pm

Are you the dumbest person on the Earth? I started by saying Ebert was "THINNER THAN THE OTHER ONE". Not "THINNER THAN THE DEAD ONE."

The OTHER ONE is Richard Roeper (you idiot).

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Mon Jun 28, 2004 2:15 pm

pinback wrote:Are you the dumbest person on the Earth? I started by saying Ebert was "THINNER THAN THE OTHER ONE". Not "THINNER THAN THE DEAD ONE."

The OTHER ONE is Richard Roeper (you idiot).

lol

bruce · Post by **bruce** » Mon Jun 28, 2004 2:42 pm

pinback wrote:Are you the dumbest person on the Earth? I started by saying Ebert was "THINNER THAN THE OTHER ONE". Not "THINNER THAN THE DEAD ONE."

But The Other Ones and The Dead are the same thing.

I'm confused.

Bruce

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Mon Jun 28, 2004 2:52 pm

Now THAT was sharp. That was good. Good job, Bruec.

Walrustitty · Post by **Walrustitty** » Tue Jun 29, 2004 12:07 pm

Jonsey, here's your two minutes of lousy content, which will hopefully 1) get me banned once and for all, and 2) get you to finish what you've begun. (And honestly now, I'm not going to get into long discussions about these movies when I already have posted my thoughts over you-know-where and often no one bothered to respond to them in the first place.) (And I'm not logged in because I started typing then noticed that I wasn't logged in.)

OK.

IDENTITY: It would take a drooling mongoloid - nay, a drooling mongoloid's drool to not see the ending of that movie coming a mile away. Technically it was well-made, story-wise it was useless - "ehh ehh ehh I'm so clever ehh ehh ehh" says the movie. Good entertainment for the low of intellect, perhaps. A shame, as it had a good cast. Well, at least a good male cast, the women (and the kid) were pretty awful.

Usual Suspects was better as it, at the time, wasn't another "hey lookit me I've got a twist at the end, inspired by Sixth Sense!" movies. You want a quality, unexpected twist at the end of your movie? Go see Ginger Snaps 2: Unleashed. You want your chain jerked by pointless red herrings and nonsense and more phony twists than a plastic pretzel? See Identity.

ADAPTATION: Much more clever than you think. Right when it "gets bad", it's actually doing exactly what the screenwriter guy tells them to do at the beginning - toss in chases, action, violence, etc. Also, it has one of the best unexpected car crashes ever. Still not as good as BJM, but very clever - I say it's just barely on this side of being too clever for it's own good.

The two movies couldn't be less alike. There's no "twist" in Adaptation, being the obvious difference.

To merge threads, I'll also point out that I'm in favor of mandatory jail sentences for anyone who watches Run Lola Run in any of the following conditions:
In full-screen
Dubbed into English
Not with full 5.1 surround sound

I'll assume that no one here is guilty of those.

Tah tah, fuckers!

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Tue Jun 29, 2004 12:28 pm

Walrustitty wrote:ADAPTATION: Much more clever than you think. Right when it "gets bad", it's actually doing exactly what the screenwriter guy tells them to do at the beginning

Wow, REALLY?? Man, I'm sure glad we've got a real brainiac on this board to explain movies to us! I was starting to wonder where JQW had been lately, but I can see now he was busy in deep analysis of Adaptation in preparation for dropping this nuclear bomb of an epiphany on us! I say the wait was worth it, don't all y'alls?

What's next, I can only wonder! Perhaps he will now explain to us that in Fight Club, Ed Norton and Brad Pitt were...

--- SPOILERS!!! ---

...actually the same person!!!!!!

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Tue Jun 29, 2004 1:33 pm

pinback wrote:
Walrustitty wrote:ADAPTATION: Much more clever than you think. Right when it "gets bad", it's actually doing exactly what the screenwriter guy tells them to do at the beginning
Wow, REALLY?? Man, I'm sure glad we've got a real brainiac on this board to explain movies to us! I was starting to wonder where JQW had been lately, but I can see now he was busy in deep analysis of Adaptation in preparation for dropping this nuclear bomb of an epiphany on us! I say the wait was worth it, don't all y'alls?

What's next, I can only wonder! Perhaps he will now explain to us that in Fight Club, Ed Norton and Brad Pitt were...

--- SPOILERS!!! ---

...actually the same person!!!!!!

Thanks for trying to "play nice."

Walrustitty -- why would I "ban" you? Jesus. This is the only place you're actually FUNNY. Can't you see I am trying to save you?

You two need to be civil to each other one time and one time only, and that's when I end up getting married. I don't care if you rip each other's opinions to shreds. You're both hilarious. But let's see some motherfucking content in this piece. Kids from all over will be arriving shortly. Some have already come by and lurked. Don't you want to look good in their eyes, at least?

And anyway, Jeff: I have no opinion on Identity. I was too busy watching Vitriola eat a piece of Key lime pie when it was on. How the hell was I going to phrase that review? "Identity was great, the parts I saw, but I was too busy constructing pornography in my head when I turned it 90 degrees to the right? TWO POINT FIVE STARS!!!!"

Okay. I'll go with that.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Tue Jun 29, 2004 1:38 pm

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:You two need to be civil to each other one time and one time only, and that's when I end up getting married.

When's that, again?

Walrus-the MAN-titty · Tue Jun 29, 2004 2:02 pm

You're inviting that miserable Fagnolia-loving shitstain to your fucking WEDDING?

What's next, catering by Nick Tahoe's? Dress design by Courtney Love? Cake by Carvel? Will the toast be Saranac's "12 Beers of Christmas"? Maybe for music, the DJ can just play the Chicken Dance over and over and over. CLASSY!

Maybe it'll be a theme wedding. "These are the assholes I know" or something like that. Pindick can be front and center.

I say, ban me because I'm a miserable fucking troll on this board. I can't have a serious discussion before getting drowned out by made-up users, and the few "real" users are all hostile to me.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Tue Jun 29, 2004 2:02 pm

pinback wrote:
Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:You two need to be civil to each other one time and one time only, and that's when I end up getting married.
When's that, again?

You've got time. Just know that it will happen someday. Unlike the rest of you dark sociopaths I can set the scythe and 20-sided down for a little bit and cruise around with the top down. On one hand -- wait, wait, I'll do it up nice for you.

>inventory

I am carrying around:
- the top down
- a girl
- a smile towards the camera, n1gg2!!!

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Tue Jun 29, 2004 2:05 pm

Walrus-the MAN-titty wrote:You're inviting that miserable Fagnolia-loving shitstain to your fucking WEDDING?

What? You both like Fangoria. What are you talking about?

What's next, catering by Nick Tahoe's? Dress design by Courtney Love? Cake by Carvel? Will the toast be Saranac's "12 Beers of Christmas"? Maybe for music, the DJ can just play the Chicken Dance over and over and over. CLASSY!

Ah-ahahahahaha!

HE'S BACK!

I say, ban me because I'm a miserable fucking troll on this board. I can't have a serious discussion before getting drowned out by made-up users, and the few "real" users are all hostile to me.

There's very few made-up people around any longer. And, again... what do you care if people are "hostile" to you or not? You're the man everyone loves to hate (on JC)! This is some of your BEST WORK.

You know *I* like you. Why can't you post recklessly, untethered by the opinions of everyone else here?

America wants to love you, but it's got this thing about love and was hurt very badly last time and would really like some "space" and maybe in a couple weeks, or a month, or maybe next quarter it could think about a relationship but not possibly right now. It can't love you.

JOLT COUNTRY INTERNET PRODUCTS, however... can.

pinback · Post by **pinback** » Tue Jun 29, 2004 2:30 pm

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote: - a smile towards the camera, n1gg2!!!

bruce · Post by **bruce** » Tue Jun 29, 2004 2:39 pm

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:Unlike the rest of you dark sociopaths I can set the scythe and 20-sided down for a little bit and cruise around with the top down.

I didn't need to put down my d20 to get married, bitch.

Bruce

Roody_Yogurt · Post by **Roody_Yogurt** » Tue Jun 29, 2004 2:47 pm

Re: Identity vs. The Usual Suspects

For me, it was "The Usual Suspects" that was the one that took itself too seriously, and after hearing so much buzz about it, I ended up despising it.

Identity, on the other hand, is the one that seems to be taking its cues from campy b-movie noir. I mean, as soon as you see dude with baseball bat sticking out of his mouth, you know that this movie is not taking itself seriously.

I thought it was interesting stylistically and the characters were engaging in their one-dimensionality. Just a fun piece overall.

Ice Cream Jonsey · Post by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Tue Jun 29, 2004 3:36 pm

bruce wrote:I didn't need to put down my d20 to get married, bitch.

"Roll to see if you'll marry me!"

"I threw a 13! The answer is no!"

"Wait, you forgot my +3 cock ring!"

"Saving throw made! Darling!!!!"