Jolt Country

You don't know how bad it was for me. I miss the sex on a daily basis, dearly, but a few minutes later, I don't care so much.

And no sex is worth the soul-sucking depression and emptiness I felt every second I was with her and not actively pumping it. And sometimes even then.

Yeah, there's been some good porn posted on the Internet lately.

Also: ??????????????????????????????????????

But I realize the point of this thread is not to express my disagreement with your position here. I have done that for a long enough venture in e-mail, or, as I like to call it, The Secret Life of Walter Completely Fucking Pathetic, Mewling and Mitty-ful.

OK, I am only kidding, there is a character limit to my Windows 98 shortcuts, and I really do just have "Eudora Mail" there and not the above. But if I could, narmean, I *would.*

pinback wrote:Let's try to stay on-topic, can we?

Ok, ok. When do you plan on talking to (or messaging, or whatever) Czech Czhick next?

1. How the fuck can you (ICJ) "disagree with my position"? It's not something up for your objective judgement. I am TELLING you how bad it was. I am TELLING you how awful I felt after she left, and before she got there, and most of the time in between. I am TELLING you how intensely and horrifically I experienced the feeling of unreciprocated affection. I am TELLING you how it was. And I am TELLING you that, despite the fact you've had over a week and a half to get your head out of your ass, you're STILL a goddamn idiot.

2. I've been happily AIMin' the Checkster all day today! Sweet kid, ol' Jana there.

gsdgsd wrote:

pinback wrote:Let's try to stay on-topic, can we?

Ok, ok. When do you plan on talking to (or messaging, or whatever) Czech Czhick next?

Hey... with the "magic" of instant messaging, you could be right there helping old Pinner with his Czech-based dialogue and this woman would never know!

It'd be like Cyrano De Bergerac, but instead of there being a guy with a giant nose, there's a dude with a huge Ahab-like scar running across his face because he is allergic to bathing.

pinback wrote:1. How the fuck can you (ICJ) "disagree with my position"?

I dunno! The words don't even form on my lips! I see you post and my dainty programmer's fingers just starts shunting this out on the QWERTY!

It's not something up for your objective judgement.

Oh, believe me, I'm not being objective in the least.

I am TELLING you how bad it was.

It was all just in your mind!

I am TELLING you how awful I felt after she left, and before she got there, and most of the time in between.

Waitasec, you felt awful WHILE she was there? Since when!?!

I am TELLING you how intensely and horrifically I experienced the feeling of unreciprocated affection. I am TELLING you how it was. And I am TELLING you that, despite the fact you've had over a week and a half to get your head out of your ass, you're STILL a goddamn idiot.

That's nice. That's real goddamn good.

2. I've been happily AIMin' the Checkster all day today! Sweet kid, ol' Jana there.

Yeah, good ol Jana. I can't wait till you two activate your Wonder Twin powers there. You'll be playing the part of Zan, of course, who could only turn into water-based items. Actually quite perfect for you, seeing how three seconds after a chick has exited your little troll's hovel you manage to "take the form of..." a quivering bucket's worth of FUCKING TEARS.

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:Waitasec, you felt awful WHILE she was there? Since when!?!

Since last Wednesday. And to a lesser extent, every time before then. But last Wednesday, that's when it went over the line between being a nagging little smudge on the beautiful painting, and really causing me serious pain. Like, can't-sleep-type pain.

Actually quite perfect for you, seeing how three seconds after a chick has exited your little troll's hovel you manage to "take the form of..." a quivering bucket's worth of FUCKING TEARS.

That's another week. Right there, folks. He's doing it to himself.

pinback wrote:

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:Waitasec, you felt awful WHILE she was there? Since when!?!

Since last Wednesday. And to a lesser extent, every time before then. But last Wednesday, that's when it went over the line between being a nagging little smudge on the beautiful painting, and really causing me serious pain. Like, can't-sleep-type pain.

Gotcha, man. And I was only kidding with you. I got to a place where psychological pain turned physical once, a long, long, long time back with a chick, so I know where you're coming from. You feel like puking all the time but you've long since used up all your bile. I'm here for you, buddy.

Actually quite perfect for you, seeing how three seconds after a chick has exited your little troll's hovel you manage to "take the form of..." a quivering bucket's worth of FUCKING TEARS.

That's another week. Right there, folks. He's doing it to himself.

With a name like "Jana," a Wonder Twins joke was inevitably gonna get made -- I just felt that if I was going to be the first guy to do it, I had a personal responsibility to make sure it was a good one.

bruce wrote:Well, as your lawyer, I would advise you to keep banging Shortcake while you work on baggng

Upon further review, it seems this is actually how it's going to play out, after all.

pinback wrote:

bruce wrote:Well, as your lawyer, I would advise you to keep banging Shortcake while you work on baggng

Upon further review, it seems this is actually how it's going to play out, after all.

Note to self: never disagree with O. Bruces, Official Jolt Country Legal Expert. It just might get you laid!

BTW, I did ask her if she could come to Vegas with me, but apparently she has a "family trip" that weekend.

"But [kiss emoticon] for asking!!"

Jesus.

Do you know Lily well enough to ask her to go?

Queen did a song called "Lily of the Valley." I think you should memorize the lyrics and then sing them to her.

No, I do not know Lily well enough to ask her to go.

The Who did a song called "Pictures of Lily", about masturbation. Do you think I should also memorize that song and sing it to her?

pinback wrote:The Who did a song called "Pictures of Lily", about masturbation. Do you think I should also memorize that song and sing it to her?

Well, it's better to have it memorized than not, right? It can only help you. There would be little more awkward than attempting to run down the words like the smoooooOOOooth pimp that you are and come down with something like:

"Pictures of Lily made my life so wonderful /
Pictures of Lily helped me sleep at night /
Pictures of Lily solved my childhood problems /
Pictures of Lily helped me... deal with my overbite....?"

... because you can't remember.

pinback wrote: "But [kiss emoticon] for asking!!"

Awww, how <i>cute</i>.

Yes. Yes you should definitely quote "Pictures of Lily" to that chick. Or maybe you could write the lyrics on soggy Kleenex and drop them on her desk.

Bruce

I dunno, man, last time I went out with coworkers for too many drinks afterhours, I started singing 'Sweet Melissa' to my associate of the same name, and I haven't worked since, tho nobody has ACTUALLY come out and fired me or anything, probably just a coincidence, yeah...

It was worth it just to piss her husband off. What a douchebague.

Hey, is a female douchebague a "douchebaguette"?

HAHAHAHAHAHHA

- Pinback, Master of Comedy!