Ben's Famous Cuban Black Beans & Rice

[pinback]

I'm just showing a picture for starters. If you have any interest, you can REQUEST the recipe, but I'm not going to bother typing it out unless there's any interest.

[CO]

Just by looking at the picture the recipe should be almost apparent: long grain rice topped with black beans with some chopped onions, cilantro, and sliced limes for garnish. Looks like exactly half of a meal, where's the rest like chicken or pork or something?

[pinback]

Just by looking at the picture the recipe should be almost apparent: long grain rice

Yeah? Yeah? What kind of LGR? How was it prepared?

black beans

Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? How were those beans prepared?

You know nothing of my work.

some chopped onions, cilantro, and sliced limes for garnish.

This part is correct.

Looks like exactly half of a meal, where's the rest like chicken or pork or something?

Beans and rice this impeccable are a full meal by themselves.

[Flack]

How bad can it be if it's served on a giant square of bacon?

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

I do like the idea of a terrific meal without a meat product. Ben, can I have the FULL recipe? I'll make it the next night I am home. If I DON'T make it, I will send you a copy of Atlas Shrugged.

[pinback]

I will give you this recipe tomorrow. TOMORROW. However, I will state that it begins with purchasing a 1 pound bag of black beans, and soaking them in cold water overnight.

So you can do that now, run out RIGHT NOW, get them beans and start soaking them, and then tomorrow you'll be ready to hit the ground running.

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

OK. I've got pinto beans only but that should work.

[pinback]

OK. I've got pinto beans only but that should work.

RECIPE CANCELLED

[Tdarcos]

Looks like exactly half of a meal, where's the rest like chicken or pork or something?

Beans & rice make up a set of complex carbohydrates, and can and do represent the entire meal. Indigenous peoples of the Asian and Latin countries lived on this for thousands of years and had reasonable health and lifespans. They provide fiber, moisture, a stable food source, are strict vegetarian if that's important, and most important, provide the amino acids the human body cannot synthesize from the rest of its diet. Yes, while it isn't exactly all that tasty, you can survive on a diet of beans and rice (you'd need missing vitamins and a few minor things but not much).

It's the Western red meat and hydrogenated fat diet that is ruining us. And now, them.

[Tdarcos]

I do like the idea of a terrific meal without a meat product. Ben, can I have the FULL recipe? I'll make it the next night I am home. If I DON'T make it, I will send you a copy of Atlas Shrugged.

You have multiple copies? Or you're going to buy some more? I had at least 3 paperback copies during the 1980s and 1990s (individually) because I kept reading the books so much I wore them out. I've probably read the entire book, cover to cover, more than ten times, and skimmed through it at least another 20.

[pinback]

Yes, while it isn't exactly all that tasty

YOU KNOW NOTHING OF MY WORK!

J'accuse!!

[pinback]

Alright, here's the goddamn recipe. You will need INGREDIENTS:

BEANS
=====
1 pound dry BLACK (you maggot) beans. FRIJOLES MOTHERFUCKING n!33rs.
2 tbsp olive oil.
1 green pepper (bout a half cup?), diced.
1 small onion (bout 3/4 cup?), diced.
3 cloves garlic, minced.
7 cups of water or so.
1 tbsp ground cumin.
2 tsp dried mexican oregano.
2 tbsp salt
1 tbsp sugar
1 tsp black pepper
1 tbsp red wine vinegar
Juice of 1 lime

RICE
====
1 cup parboiled white rice*
1.5 cups water
2 tsp olive oil
1 tsp salt

Then you need to follow DIRECTIONS:

BEENZ
=====
1. Soak BEENZ overnight. Drain.
2. In a large saucepan or pot, saute onion and green pepper in olive oil until soft.
3. Throw in garlic, cook for one more minute.
4. Add BEENZ, cumin, oregano, and water to pot.
5. Bring to boil, then cover, and simmer for like, HOURS, dude. The goal here is to get the beans so they're totally soft, which in my case took like four goddamn hours.
6. Once beans are soft, remove a cup, cup and a half of them into a separate bowl, and MASH them into a paste.
7. Return mash to pot, remove cover, and simmer until the whole goddamn thing starts to thicken. You want it a little saucy, not too dry, but not soupy neither.
8. Add salt, vinegar, sugar, pepper, and lime juice to taste. We want tangy, we want flavorful, we want balance, and we want awesome.


RICE
====
1. Wash rice by putting it in a strainer and running it under cold water for a minute or two.
2. Add rice, water, oil and salt to saucepan.
3. Bring to boil, then cover and simmer for 20 minutes.
4. Fluff with fork.

* Unless you live in a highly latino area, the only parboiled rice you're likely to find is a box of Uncle Ben's "converted" (which means the same thing). The rice is golden in color when dry, and has a much more toothy, distinct bite and flavor to it. It is awesome, it is more nutritious than regular white rice, and it should be way more popular than it is.

[Flack]

I didn't have most of those ingredients on hand for lunch so I bought a bean burrito and a cup of rice from Taco Bell, dumped the rice in the burrito, drank the seven cups of water and added chives. Pretty much the same thing, I'm guessing?

[pinback]

I didn't have most of those ingredients on hand for lunch so I bought a bean burrito and a cup of rice from Taco Bell, dumped the rice in the burrito, drank the seven cups of water and added chives. Pretty much the same thing, I'm guessing?

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

OK. I've got pinto beans only but that should work.

RECIPE CANCELLED

Well, I was gonna post the photo I took of the pinto beans. I uploaded it to Picasa and my phone said that was cool. But the photo is nowhere to be found.

I really, really fucking hate how EVERYTHING with PCs is now over-complicated.

[Tdarcos]

Yes, while it isn't exactly all that tasty

YOU KNOW NOTHING OF MY WORK!

J'accuse!!

If you read what I said, I was referring to plain beans and rice. Plain beans and rice, no additions or flavoring.

[Flack]

Ah shit, I forgot the 3'x3' plank of bacon.

[Tdarcos]

Yes, while it isn't exactly all that tasty

YOU KNOW NOTHING OF MY WORK!

J'accuse!!

I've heard of Emile Zola. I've read Emile Zola. Pinhead, you're no Emile Zola.