I went on a cruise ship!

[The Happiness Engine]

Minor quibble: I was on the Star Princess, which is 400 guests and 100 crew less than the Ruby Princess. While I DID have the flying nightclub, I did NOT have 'SHARE by Curtis Stone' and that really looks like a bad trade on my part. Both are the same class of ship, half built with the flying nightclub, half built with 2 extra decks and the nightclub up under the exhaust stacks (they are scrubbed something fierce. It only ever looked like a briefest amount of steam coming out of them.) And like one or 2 built without the extra decks but without the flying nightclub.

Flack: did you ever notice the bow pool on deck 9 or 10? The one that is on no maps or documentation, has no conceivable access, and yet VERY MUCH exists? I feel it has to be for rich people somehow but I can't figure it out. Maybe an elevator from the forward spa place but that can't be either. Anyways I saw ONE girl down their two separate times during my cruise, otherwise it was empty. Not that I spent the whole cruise on top of the bridge wondering about it, but still.

Jiz: while Alaska has recreational weed the cruise is VERY STRICT... about posting signs saying you can't bring a pound of weed on the ship. While my family was concocting plans to buy liquor and pour it into reusable water bottles to smuggle it back on the ship rather than just pay THE EXACT SAME PRICE to have it delivered from a push of a button to their room, I was noticing that a metal detector is not going to find anything in my pockets and socks and brownies that aren't explicitly labeled with giant neon marijuana logos are the exact type of thing they expect you to buy in town, so maybe peel a couple stickers off.

None of this is even touching on the idea of just getting high in town and watching ravens fight fat people for their kettle corn. (The ravens always win.)

BONUS RACISM: Getting off the ship in Juneau for some fucking reason there are 4 cops in full fucking armor watching everyone walk down the pier, and then they immediately swarm the ONE guy with a beard and start asking him about his citizenship... in a town that is impossible to leave except by boat or airplane, because you can't build roads through glaciers. Some sikh guy thought that today MIGHT the day he wasn't constantly confronted by racist bullshit by men who could murder him with impunity but HAHAHA NOPE. WELCOME TO AMERICA ASSHOLE.

[AArdvark]

Maybe he was planning on blowing up a moose or something.

THE
RICE COOKER
AARDVARK