The Month I Ate All Pinback's Food

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The Month I Ate All Pinback's Food

Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Wed Jan 26, 2011 8:32 am

"Now I'm inside his basement... and inside his mind." -- Kevin "Fragmaster" Bowen

My dear friends Pinback and savvyraven are leaving Colorado, to live in Pungent Sound. They placed their possessions in a POD and realized that they had neither the space nor desire to bring their food with them. It was a lot of food.

"Wholesome, delicious food." -- Mike Berlyn, Suspended

... annnnnnnd my fucking 3G iPhone still hasn't uploaded the fucking picture I took of my freezer. Which is filled with food. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, this thing is able to go from "miraculous" to "amazingly shitty" in a binary fashion so fast, it would rip your dick off.

Well, my fucking thread is ruined. DO NOT BUY AN iPHONE. IT WILL PISS YOU THE FUCK OFF.

Unfuckingbelievable.

Fuck this shit!
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Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Wed Jan 26, 2011 8:35 am

Oh. I had told AirMe to upload to my Picasa account, because Yahoo! is going to kill Flickr eventually. Never mind.
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Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Wed Jan 26, 2011 11:40 am

MEAL #1 - SANTIAGO'S MEDIUM GREEN CHILE

Is a man the sum of his meals? Do the meals make the man?

Did you know that there is no plastic cover between the Santiago's Chile cover and contents? I didn't know that. It had defrosted a little bit in my bag, so when I opened the tub of chile, chile liquid got all over my shirt. I find this outcome unpleasing.

I set it for 5 minutes in the microwave. I will eat it shortly. I am reminded that a new season of Archer will be starting shortly. I do like ole H. Jon Benjamin there, so that might be fun to watch if it's been uploaded to Usenet tonight.
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Post by pinback » Wed Jan 26, 2011 2:08 pm

I am sorry you had trouble with the SANTIAGO'S MEDIUM GREEN CHILE.
Above all else... We shall go on... And continue!

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Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Wed Jan 26, 2011 3:04 pm

I would also like to note that I got the main stain out of my shirt.

I then dove into the chile. I was using a spoon. I found one of those Enceladus-style ice moons in the middle of the microwaved chile. I went to lift it with my spoon to get a good idea as to how big it was.

It was TOO big. It shunted a section of green chile liquid on to my shirt again. And now it won't come out.

In other news, there was a spider on my desk today. I deigned not to kill it.
the dark and gritty...Ice Cream Jonsey!

J. Random Arachnid

Post by J. Random Arachnid » Wed Jan 26, 2011 3:57 pm

My cousin Kenny was in that bowl of Chiles and you ate him!


YOU BASTARD!

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Re: The Month I Ate All Pinback's Food

Post by Tdarcos » Wed Jan 26, 2011 5:50 pm

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:... annnnnnnd my fucking 3G iPhone still hasn't uploaded the fucking picture I took of my freezer. Which is filled with food. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, this thing is able to go from "miraculous" to "amazingly shitty" in a binary fashion so fast, it would rip your dick off.
Here is something no one has ever heard ever. Ever. "As soon as I put this hot poker in my ass, I'm going to chop my dick off." You know why you never heard that? Right! No one ever said that. Which to me is the more amazing thing, no one ever thought to say that before tonight. I'm the first person in the world put those words together in that particular order. First guy. Number one.
- George Carlin
This signature is limited to 128 characters, or I could have said a few more things. Like, do you know who killed JFK? it was...

straw

Post by straw » Wed Jan 26, 2011 8:02 pm

I think if George had used "rip my dick off" rather than "cut", it would have been much more effective.

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Post by Flack » Wed Jan 26, 2011 8:15 pm

Puget Sound is awesome. Back when I lived in Spokane, I made the trip over to Seattle (our regional office was in Bellevue) several times. Some friends of mine lived on the west coast and took me up in the mountains and out to the ocean. Very nice place to live.

Also, every time I went there it rained and people said, "huh that's funny, it doesn't usually rain here," and I finally said "YOU PEOPLE ARE LIARS". So I think that's a joke they play on people.

I think those PODs are awesome and I would love to use one the next time I move. The last time I moved was a terrible experience. Turns out, you're supposed to pack before your friends show up to help you move. By the end people were literally just carrying my shit out and throwing it on a trailer. We got it all here but, it wasn't pretty. I think the POD thing sound bad ass. We're planning on moving within 3-5 years and I might just rent one now and start loading it up, item by item.

No one has ever moved and left me their food. I did inherit a "free" garage freezer once which ended up costing me like $50 a month on to my electric bill. It really wasn't worth that to store old bread, frozen pizzas and Zingers from the day old Dolly Madison store in so I got rid of it.

Maybe I will get another one and put it in my POD. I'm on it, bitches.
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Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Wed Jan 26, 2011 10:47 pm

MEAL #2 - OHO FROZEN FISH FILLETS

I brought the oho fish to my girlfriend's place. It might be called aho. I dunno. Did you know that frozen fish takes two days to thaw? I had it in my bag of holding an- ah crud I - one se- nnnghh

"I turned my bag of holding inside-out, wrapped it around me, and walked through the dungeon walls." -- Dungeon Master Graham

The fish enjoyed a fresh pesto sauce, and she also made "chips" out of won-ton skin.

Afterwards, we watched the Colorado Avalanche and cursed at the acursed, Budaj.
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Post by pinback » Thu Jan 27, 2011 10:36 am

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:MEAL #2 - OHO FROZEN FISH FILLETS

I brought the oho fish to my girlfriend's place.
Ono. Also called "Wahoo".
It might be called aho.
Ono.
Did you know that frozen fish takes two days to thaw?
Frozen fish takes about an hour to thaw if you dunk it into a pool of water.
The fish enjoyed a fresh pesto sauce, and she also made "chips" out of won-ton skin.
That sounds delightful. Ono is a very popular fish in Hawaii. You had a Hawaiian dinner!
Afterwards, we watched the Colorado Avalanche and cursed at the acursed, Budaj.
What a pathetic display that was. I'm sorry you had to see that.
Above all else... We shall go on... And continue!

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Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Thu Jan 27, 2011 11:58 am

Pinback: The chili's been in the freezer quite a while, but I just checked ANSWERS.COM and they said you can still enjoy it to the fullest without dying. LUNCH AWAY!
ICJ: Thanks - a lot of people, when they are giving hundreds of dollars of food away, don't do the research to see if the thief is going to die or not.
ICJ: I think MOST people don't do the research.
ICJ: I will now go from one end of the building to the next asking co-workers if they'd like to eat it with me.

Pinback: ha ha
Pinback: "WHATCHYA GOT THERE? SOME CHILI??"
ICJ: *** whips out electron microscope ***
Pinback: /digs through your chili with my fingers... "GOT SOME BEANS IN THERE, EH?"

Pinback: I don't believe I made this chili particularly spicy. If I remembered wrong, I apologize!
ICJ: I've been killing myself the last two weeks.
ICJ: I accidentally bought "extra hot" chopped green chile.
Pinback: wow.
ICJ: I accidentally put a lot of After Death sauce on some soup.
Pinback: oh my god
ICJ: Lunch has been a 45 minute torture scene where I do nothing but hiccup and cry..
Pinback: THROW THAT AWAY

Pinback: Just throw it away. That's the second AFTER DEATH-related accident in the last two weeks.
ICJ: You have disavowed a lot of Blair's recently.
Pinback: I have, but I'm saying YOU SPECIFICALLY should throw it away.
ICJ: I should probably chuck it, yes.
ICJ: It's just
ICJ: There are no other hot sauces on my desk to enjoy.
Pinback: You go GET YOU some, sir.
Pinback: Get a nice bottle of Stays Cool or some shit.
Pinback: Me, at work? I always just have a simple, honest bottle of Tabasco up on there.

Pinback: Something fun to know if you shop for hot sauces at your local groceria!
Pinback: "Danny Cash" -> DANNY CASH
Pinback: "Gilberto's" -> DANNY CASH
Pinback: "High Altitude" -> DANNY CASH
ICJ: What!!!!??
Pinback: And if you go to Wynkoop Brewery down in Denver? "Wynkoop Cajun Hot Sauce" -> DANNY CASH
Pinback: All the same shit with different labels.
ICJ: That amazes me.
ICJ: I am making note of this permanently.
Pinback: I was particularly proud of the Wynkoop discovery. I just looked at the bottle, and the consistency of the sauce therein, and I said, dude, I bet this is Danny Cash. And there, in the fine print... boom.

Pinback: Pretty much every product in the "Condiments" aisle is now just Danny Cash hot sauce with different labels on it.
ICJ: Danny Cash Corners The Market
Pinback: "Heinz 57" -> DANNY CASH
ICJ: "The Fountain of Youth In The Movie The Fountain" -> DANNY CASH
Pinback: "Kraft-brand 'Kraft' Marshmallow Filling" -> DANNY CASH
ICJ: "$1 Bottles of 'Viper'" -> DANNY CASH
Pinback: "BBQ sauce dribbling down Tdarcos' face" -> DANNY CASH
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Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Thu Jan 27, 2011 12:29 pm

MEAL #3 - BEN'S FAMOUS HOMEMADE CHILI

It was quite good.

I enjoyed a few intense basslines during my repast.
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Post by pinback » Thu Jan 27, 2011 12:37 pm

That recipe was taken from a Hawaiian cookbook!

TWO HAWAIIAN MEALS IN A ROW
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Post by Flack » Thu Jan 27, 2011 1:37 pm

I ate at the Wynkoop when I was in Denver. I spent a week doing work for the EPA (1595 Wynkoop).

I also had a burrito from Illegal Pete's one day. I did not note the brand of hot sauce I used, but now wish I had.
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Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Thu Jan 27, 2011 10:25 pm

I'd temporarily stop eating Ben's food for some Illegal Pete's. I wonder if there is one nearby work or home? Illegal Pete does what he does extremely well.
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Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Thu Jan 27, 2011 10:36 pm

MEAL #4 - GREEN CHILE WITH GREEN CHILE

I knew that I would live in Colorado forever when I bought a house here. Now, a hurricane could knock my house down. A tornado could life it and twist it and wreck it. Halley's Comet could crash into it while I was on the hopper. I could even see a spider on a wall or something. It's possible, but unlikely, that I would leave the state, but it would take my house blowing up.

And in coming to grips with the fact that I do like it out here, I began stealing the culture of the nearby states. New Mexico produces green chiles. I love them. Before I began my long quest to eat an entire man's food, I was doing green chile in its many forms 6-7 times a week. I can not get enough "hatch" ("Hatch"?) green chiles. I hope they are good for people. Because if it's going to kill me anyway, I might as well rock Indian food.

I buy "chopped green chile" at the grocery. The last time I was there, it was one of those annoying occasions where the oldest people on earth all decided to hang around the freezer section because that makes them nostalgic for the time before they found fire. One of the hateful beings from the beginning of the Bible parked his cart in front of the green chiles and then proceeded to have a terrible, raspy conversation with his children. In front of the chiles. My frozen chiles!

So I ended up grabbing the "Extra Hot" chopped green chiles, and not the ones I normally like from that brand, which is "Christ, Yes, Mild."

I had one left, coming into this. Pinback gave me a tub of the exact same brand, but it actually was mild. I added heat and a piece of chicken and thought, "No. This is not yet complete."

I threw some Hatch green chiles that Pinback also gave me into the microwave and defrosted them. I then combin- sorry, this is getting boring. I had chiles with chiles, and then I made soup for tomorrow AGAIN with the man's hatch green chiles.

I expect to get off the toilet at some point before the return of Halley's Comet.
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Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Thu Jan 27, 2011 11:46 pm

Flack wrote:I think those PODs are awesome and I would love to use one the next time I move.
I would like a POD for my backyard. I can't get into my shed any more because of the hornets.
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Post by AArdvark » Fri Jan 28, 2011 4:11 am

Spiders AND hornets?


Sounds infested.

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Post by Flack » Fri Jan 28, 2011 6:28 am

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:I'd temporarily stop eating Ben's food for some Illegal Pete's. I wonder if there is one nearby work or home? Illegal Pete does what he does extremely well.
The one I went to was on the 0.2 mile stretch between the EPA and the Wynkoop. In retrospect, I think you didn't work or live anywhere near that. Plus, I suspect the burritos were not illegal; grey market, at best.
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