Large meals I have not enjoyed

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Knuckles the CLown
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Large meals I have not enjoyed

Post by Knuckles the CLown » Thu Jul 15, 2004 12:44 pm

I ordered a domonoes pizza this week. I was stuck doing a bunch of shit at home and didn't wanna jerk around finding the can opener. I told the stupid retard who answered the phone to cook it extra cause these franchise places think you can cooka pizza in 5 minutes. The asshole delivery guy shows up and I give his money. he remarked "I didn't realize this address was a trailer". I should of murdered him right there and then but I was hungry. I retreat to my kitchen/livingroom/garage and open the box to find a pile of undercooked bread and cheese. I eat one piece and fling the rest of it in the garbage. I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!
the last group complained, quite tellingly They said, "Why don't you have a spoon that just says 'Earth?' It would save time

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Knuckles the CLown
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Large Meals I have not enjoyed Part II

Post by Knuckles the CLown » Thu Jul 15, 2004 1:14 pm

I got out of work early the other day got home and still can't find the goddamned can-opener. I walked down the street and stopped in to Perkins. The hostess had acne. They sat me down if the middle of the fucking restaruant. I hate that shit. I'm by myself- stick me in a corner booth. But no, I end in the middle like a circus attraction for everyone to ogle, hey look at the lonley dueche bag eating by himself. The waitress comes over and takes my drink order, I ask her if there is a newspaper floating around. She says" I'll see if I can dig one up" Fuck you you snide bitch!
Anyhow after a couple minutes she brings me my drink sans newspaper. I order the Chicken Tender Melt. At that moment a guy walks in who looked like the corpse from Weekend at Bernie's. It's 2 in the afternoon and this idiot is walking around inside perkins with sunglasses and a porn star mustache. After 5 minutes the hostess with acne goes over to Bernie and brings him a newspaper! She says "Your lucky, this is the only paper we have" MOTHERFUCKER, weekend at Bernies got the only newspaper and I'm stuck reading the desert menu.
Anyhow the cragliy whore brings me my meal. It looks like two pieces of toast with broken crayons in between. And the menu says you get salsa and ranch on the side. Well I only get salsa which would only enhance the shittiness of this meal. I take one bite and ask for the check. On the way out I got one of Perkins shitty muffins. I asked for blueberry and they were out. I get apple cinnamon. I start eating the thing on the walk home and I can't figure why it's called "Apple" Cinnamon. Well just as I get to the corner of Mulberry and Grandbee I spot what I can only determine was a rotten piece of apple core lovingly jammed in to the bottom of the muffin. I flung it at a homeless sleeping under the bench at dairy queen. He looked like Steven Segals down-syndrome afflicted brother.

Two MEALS 30 BUCKS AND I'M STILL STARVING!
the last group complained, quite tellingly They said, "Why don't you have a spoon that just says 'Earth?' It would save time

Lysander
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Post by Lysander » Thu Jul 15, 2004 2:25 pm

NucKLeS tHE cloWN needs a livejournal.

...What?

Edit: AUUUGH.
Last edited by Lysander on Thu Jul 15, 2004 5:55 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Knuckles the CLown
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Post by Knuckles the CLown » Thu Jul 15, 2004 2:32 pm

Female live journals! For broke women who can't afford therapists. Wait I'm confused, I forget wether Lysander is female or male?
the last group complained, quite tellingly They said, "Why don't you have a spoon that just says 'Earth?' It would save time

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Ice Cream Jonsey
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Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Thu Jul 15, 2004 2:36 pm

Lysander wrote:NucKLeS tHE cloWN needs a livejournal.

...What?
You have to get better at putting down URL tags. This is not up for debate. You need to get them working. You are fundamentally broken. Please to not be broken.
the dark and gritty...Ice Cream Jonsey!

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Knuckles the CLown
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Post by Knuckles the CLown » Thu Jul 15, 2004 3:09 pm

Now I'm really concerned. After pouring thorugh 18 pages of posts and the most confusing retna-piercing web page ever created, I have come to the conclusion that Lysander must a microbiolgical organism that reproduces Asexualy??
the last group complained, quite tellingly They said, "Why don't you have a spoon that just says 'Earth?' It would save time

chris
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Post by chris » Thu Jul 15, 2004 3:48 pm

I think the solution to KtC's problem is to STOP PATRONIZING SHITTY RESTAURANTS. Domino's sucks, Perkins sucks. One of my favorite places to eat (a real 1930s railroad car diner here in town) has a sign up on the wall: "Good food isn't cheap, and cheap food isn't good".

When we eat out, it's usually at one of three places:

Pizza: Comes from a local pizza place (they have about 20 shops here in town, and that's it). They survive not because they're a huge chain that makes mediocre pizza, but because they make GOOD pizza.

Burgers & stuff: There's a local burger joint literally around the corner from my house. We *never* go to McDonalds, Burger King, etc. For slightly more money than they charge, I get fresh made quality from this place.

Sit down dinner: There's a small restaurant/pub just slightly down the road from the burger place. It's never crowded, and they have pretty good food at reasonable prices.

Oh, and sometimes we go to IHOP, but only because my 3-year old like the "Funny Face."

Benjamin Wrist, Ph.D
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Post by Benjamin Wrist, Ph.D » Thu Jul 15, 2004 4:05 pm

On Tuesday, I took my lovely bride-to-be out questing. We quested for a delicious meal! I did not have to travel far. There are several "five star" restaurants within fifteen miles of my home (the farthest I would ever travel on a Tuesday night...).

I gave the keys to my MR2 to a swarthy gentleman of apeish proportions. "Park her in front, Edward, and try to keep your jowels off the interior," I snided, as both my lovely fiance and I chortled at my Hyde reference. I palmed the oafish brute a twenty to let him know that there were no hard feelings with how well I am doing in comparison with how poorly he was doing.

We both enjoyed a fine dinner at Tericho's. I ordered for my lady-in-waiting, as I would never allow her to speak to a member of the waitstaff by herself, because their roguish lack of class might betray their pedestrian upbringing and offend her! Plus, out of the two of us, only I spoke French. She had attempted to order her own cuisine at a French cafe once, to my horror, in English. My rolled eyes and agape mouth did more to stop a second happenstance of this inequity than any physical admonishment. You needn't always have to strike with an open slap for suitable feminine change, my friends!

The valet had my automobile ready upon our exit. I gave him a simple -- yet crisp! -- five dollar bill so that he might reflect upon the sheer negality of his station in life and better himself. My princess merriment told me that a twenty-five dollar gift was much too generous with her eyes, and I was forced to agree. On the other hand, I make more than that scratching myself in the morn! Ha ha ha... just kidding. I never have to scratch myself, I have a maid who does that for me.

All in all it was a pleasant night! I removed my future bedmate's unmentionables and introduced some Lucky's Brand Cherry-Flavoured Twat Preserves so I stomach the process of giving her hidey-slit the thrashing it was so begging for all the eve. We later had satisfactory missionary sex and said our Christian prayers. It was very good. I can say that.

A lovely Tuesday indeed! Now... what is with this story of this slovenly man-wart and his quest to eat at "domonoes"?

Ach! Ach! Ach!

Casual Observer
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Post by Casual Observer » Thu Jul 15, 2004 4:32 pm

chris wrote:Oh, and sometimes we go to IHOP, but only because my 3-year old like the "Funny Face."
I ate at an International House of Pancakes once and will never ever again make that mistake. The food and service was some of the worst I have ever experienced.

It's such a shitty chain that they had to change their name to IHOP to trick a new generation of suckers into eating there. The same way Kmart thought that changing their name to Big K would keep them from having to close half their stores.

Casual Observer
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Post by Casual Observer » Thu Jul 15, 2004 4:44 pm

Knuckles the CLown wrote:Now I'm really concerned. After pouring thorugh 18 pages of posts and the most confusing retna-piercing web page ever created, I have come to the conclusion that Lysander must a microbiolgical organism that reproduces Asexualy??
Knuckles, Lysander claims to be a male:
Lysander wrote:Make her the dessert. With a sweet chocolate sauce/whiped cream topping.

Lysander--he's here to HELP!

Worm
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Post by Worm » Thu Jul 15, 2004 5:01 pm

Yeah, and he, she, it, whatever has senority on both of you bastards. Casual barely posts and Knuckles can be funny when he's not like "Let me tell you about the one time I found myself in <ripe situation for comedy #23463>." Just give the motherfucker a break. If you're going to attempt this documentary of your totally hilarious fake life Knux you might as well do it on live journal so you'll have a compiled work to reference. Then you could just do the normal posts on here and only link us to the good stuff that ends up on your fake live journal. It's effectively free hosting for whatever you want. It's more generally accessible in today's world than a to-do list and if you ignore the community it's not so bad. Who knows maybe you'll get a better fanbase there.
Good point Bobby!

Casual Observer
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Post by Casual Observer » Thu Jul 15, 2004 5:15 pm

Worm wrote:Yeah, and he, she, it, whatever has senority on both of you bastards. Casual barely posts and . . . blah blah blah.
True, but if I posted here more often then I couldn't really call myself a casual observer. My name might have to be "Active Poster" or "Nerd" or "Geek" or "Loser" or something equally pathetic.

chris
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Post by chris » Thu Jul 15, 2004 5:21 pm

Casual Observer wrote:I ate at an International House of Pancakes once and will never ever again make that mistake. The food and service was some of the worst I have ever experienced.
IHOP is a restaurant of extremes....some dishes are pretty good, and some make you ralph just looking at them. The trick is to know what's safe to order. I've found a couple of safe dishes so far, so at least I get some variety in my dining experience.

As for service, we've had nothing but good service at the IHOP near our house (we actually have tonnes of restaurants within 2 miles of our house). Like any chain, some will be good, and some will suck major ass.

Lysander
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Post by Lysander » Thu Jul 15, 2004 5:59 pm

Knuckles the CLown wrote:Now I'm really concerned. After pouring thorugh 18 pages of posts and the most confusing retna-piercing web page ever created, I have come to the conclusion that Lysander must a microbiolgical organism that reproduces Asexualy??
...Alright, RobB, I will make you a "deal." I will not to be broken (as much) I will sign a contract binding me to finishing a game of substance in Hugo, and I will even stop calling you RobB. All you have to do is ban Nuckles.

...Please?
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Vitriola

Post by Vitriola » Thu Jul 15, 2004 6:09 pm

IHOP has never done me wrong, but I can't even order mashed potatoes at Perkins without feeling 2 hours later like they have mushroomed inside me and are having a welcome-to-the-neighborhood house party in their own honor. Gross.

Lysander
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Post by Lysander » Thu Jul 15, 2004 6:19 pm

Casual Observer wrote:Knuckles, Lysander claims to be a male:
Wait.

Wait.

"Claim"?

What is this "claim" shit?

I DEMAND an explanation!
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chris
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Post by chris » Thu Jul 15, 2004 7:13 pm

Vitriola wrote:IHOP has never done me wrong, but I can't even order mashed potatoes at Perkins without feeling 2 hours later like they have mushroomed inside me and are having a welcome-to-the-neighborhood house party in their own honor. Gross.
There have only been three places in my life where I've gotten great mashed potatoes:

1) The Hofbrau Haus here in Rochester (German restaurant). They've been closed 15 years now. Un-friggin'-believable mashed potatoes.

2) Chili's. Seriously. They have good taters.

3) Dinosaur BBQ here in Rochester...a little spicy, but really good nonetheless.

Everybody else's has pretty much been medicore at best, so I usually get fries or baked potatoes.

Vitriola

Post by Vitriola » Thu Jul 15, 2004 7:33 pm

Love Dinosaur. Went to college in Syracuse, so it was a large part of my life at one point. Can't go wrong with that.

nessman
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Post by nessman » Thu Jul 15, 2004 7:41 pm

Some out of the way places to eat that I like...

Dinosaur BBQ - OK, not out of the way, but that place rules.

New York Pizzeria (Warsaw, NY) - owned and operated by honest to goodness real Italian people from New York City (it must be noted that real NY style pizza musy be made by only real card-carrying dago's from Bensonhurst with names like Vito and Tony). I asked the guy running the place how they ended up in Warsaw. They wanted out of NYC after the 1993 bombing of the WTC and found the restaurant for sale. Their pizza is the real thing - REAL New York Pizza. We have an office around the corner from there and when I have to go out there, I time it around lunch just for the pizza!

Some diner in Holley, NY - smack in the middle of the village - excellent breakfast, trashy small town USA atmosphere, yummy, fills you up and the price is right.

Selena's - Mexican place in the Village Gate Plaza. Likely the cause of my heartburn problems. The chips and salsa kick ass!

Roncones on East Ave - good Italian eatery... waitresses are probably mafia daughters.
If the First Amendment will protect a scumbag like me, it will protect all of you. - Larry Flynt

bruce
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Post by bruce » Thu Jul 15, 2004 7:46 pm

nessman wrote:Roncones on East Ave - good Italian eatery... waitresses are probably mafia daughters.
Pinch their asses and find out.

Bruce

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