The Let's Get RetroRomper Committed Thread

[Casual Observer]

Right after I took my first sip, my wife said, "hey, I got unsweet tea and ordered sweet!" Then we swapped drinks and enjoyed a hearty chuckle.

My wife's got a bit of BPD, this situation would have turned into disaster.

[RetroRomper]

That sounds like a terrible way to go through life, and it is sad that you have not been able to obtain the proper mental health treatments that would improve your quality of life.

I came to this thread to write "I wish I were dead, trust me on this one" and ya know, it's good to hear a kind word from you. No sarcasm, joking, prodding, etc. Appreciation for kindness from someone I know has judged me harshly in the past.

[RetroRomper]

That sounds like a terrible way to go through life, and it is sad that you have not been able to obtain the proper mental health treatments that would improve your quality of life.

BPD has alot of stigma attached to it are a few relatively famous and popular lines of thought:

1. It's a death sentence: nothing can be done to treat it.
Hint - people with BPD use 2.5 times the mental health resources as regular people, yet only have 75% of the return they do.
Note: #1 is not true. But you can only cope, care, and be aware. Many people rationalize their feelings from BPD and let the feeling of being justified in their extreme rage or emotions be how they reflect.

2. It's the trash bin of mental health diagnosis.
History - Until the DSM IV, it was poorly defined and it's symptom list contained the equivalent of meat shavings from every other mental illness.

3. If your Therapist or Psychiatrist doesn't like you and or know what to do with you, they'll give you this diagnosis which will stay on your file.
Taboo - I've been passed around clinicians at two different practices and no one wanted me after the first realized the depth of my "illness."

4. The extent to which you'll attack people is so severe and occurs over such a long period of time (emotions are 4x+ of what a normal person experiences and can last for days, so every little thing ticks it up and up and up until it goes from severe to utterly fucking terrible over the span of (for me) a month and a half,) that they will forget who you were beforehand. That retrospective memory of who you were to them and how they felt about you, will be completely subverted and changed based on how severe you're now even if you were a saint.

Fun - If you're one of the rare few with BPD who are aware of their symptoms and are caught in the anger like a living hell trying to scream for attention while inside a glass coffin, people will chew you out afterwards when you wake up and emotions cool and change nearly on a dime. You'll be labeled insufferable, they'll as a group feel justified in pushing you away, mocking you, scorning you, and labeling you a severe mental case who is a step away from murder.

If you stick around afterwads, they'll be okay treating you like dirt and telling you that you can't expect them to not have been affected and not take that into consideration, even though you're now fully aware.

Bonus - They'll "wish you get the help you need, really I care." Of course the joke is, you're only this much better because you've had years upon years of various therapies. So... End of the line.

[RetroRomper]

Let me address the actual title of this thread and note that being committed wouldn't help me.

[Tdarcos]

Retro, first, I'm glad you explained your situation. Second, I do not, and have never had any bad feelings toward you. Third, I'm wondering if your condition is similar to what caused Finn's behavior here. Fourth, I kind of understand a little what you're going through, because I had it in reverse, I got it through drugs.

Back when they were available, I was on the two-drug cocktail of phentermine and fenfluramine, also known as Phen-fen. The stuff was absolutely amazing and very effective because it affects, not one of the mental issues people can have (the way a drug like Prozac does), but handles two of the neurotransmitter chemicals in the brain, seratonin and dopamine. (I later found there is a third neurotransmitter, norepinephrine that is also one that it would also help to find a way to adjust.)

This means it can adjust both the downs and ups, which is the problem in what they used to call manic depression, and is now called bipolar. The doctor who prescribed them said that if you felt too sad or was overreacting it's okay to readjust dosage. I did, and it improved my outlook, I stopped being a couch potato, I wrote my first book, changed my attitude, and got a job doing tech support.

Well, one time I did it wrong, I took too much of the blue capsule (as opposed to the orange tablet), and within maybe 1/2 an hour I knew that I had; it brought up strange thoughts, while I was on the commuter train to Baltimore to see the doctor, I got thinking how I could simply walk to the end of the train car, and jump between them, which would kill me, of course.

Three things. 1. I knew the thoughts were caused by an overdose of the drug. 2. I realized that it wasn't how I really felt, I had no interest in suicide. 3. The thoughts were just "dirt at the bottom of the fish tank" random thoughts that had been stirred up by fucking with my brain chemistry, and as soon as the drug wore off, the thoughts would go away. I was right on all points, and it caused no long-term problems.

Thing is, I knew the problem was accidentally generated. Had it been a regular, long term problem I had I was born with, I have to hope I'd be strong enough either to ignore the suggestions and/or get professional help. And it could be worse if your condition is considered so bad even the doctors can't help you.

[Casual Observer]

That sounds like a terrible way to go through life, and it is sad that you have not been able to obtain the proper mental health treatments that would improve your quality of life.

BPD has alot of stigma attached to it are a few relatively famous and popular lines of thought:

1. It's a death sentence: nothing can be done to treat it.
Hint - people with BPD use 2.5 times the mental health resources as regular people, yet only have 75% of the return they do.
Note: #1 is not true. But you can only cope, care, and be aware. Many people rationalize their feelings from BPD and let the feeling of being justified in their extreme rage or emotions be how they reflect.

2. It's the trash bin of mental health diagnosis.
History - Until the DSM IV, it was poorly defined and it's symptom list contained the equivalent of meat shavings from every other mental illness.

3. If your Therapist or Psychiatrist doesn't like you and or know what to do with you, they'll give you this diagnosis which will stay on your file.
Taboo - I've been passed around clinicians at two different practices and no one wanted me after the first realized the depth of my "illness."

4. The extent to which you'll attack people is so severe and occurs over such a long period of time (emotions are 4x+ of what a normal person experiences and can last for days, so every little thing ticks it up and up and up until it goes from severe to utterly fucking terrible over the span of (for me) a month and a half,) that they will forget who you were beforehand. That retrospective memory of who you were to them and how they felt about you, will be completely subverted and changed based on how severe you're now even if you were a saint.

Fun - If you're one of the rare few with BPD who are aware of their symptoms and are caught in the anger like a living hell trying to scream for attention while inside a glass coffin, people will chew you out afterwards when you wake up and emotions cool and change nearly on a dime. You'll be labeled insufferable, they'll as a group feel justified in pushing you away, mocking you, scorning you, and labeling you a severe mental case who is a step away from murder.

If you stick around afterwads, they'll be okay treating you like dirt and telling you that you can't expect them to not have been affected and not take that into consideration, even though you're now fully aware.

Bonus - They'll "wish you get the help you need, really I care." Of course the joke is, you're only this much better because you've had years upon years of various therapies. So... End of the line.

I appreciate your perspective, it's nice to hear it from someone who is actually self aware of what it's like to have BPD.

I poured over psych books in the SUNY Brockport library and self diagnosed my wife with BPD in our first year, 22 years ago. For me, it's tough to differentiate BPD from Bi-Polar Disorder (which could also be shortened to BPD), particularly Bi-Polar 1 or 2 which don't seem have as much mania as 3 and 4 from my experience. Bi-Polar can have similar outbursts of rage as what you describe but often has a pronounced depression that follows. You didn't mention depression, is that part of your experience also? My wife and I both have Bi-Polar in our families so it's an interesting topic for me.

[RetroRomper]

I'd be very careful self diagnosing BPD - she can have BPD like symptoms, but the overlap with C(omplicated)-PTSD is large enough that a professional needs to look at the subtleties of her responses and behaviors. Treatment is similar (DBT,) but how 1:1 counseling will be approached is vastly different, since from what I understand, C-PTSD has more crystallized emotional responses as opposed to BPD where they're in flux and continually escalate. That is a gross oversimplification and sadly, finding an expert much less one that is affordable, is difficult.

For depression, it was terrible - I could barely interact, I'd be awake and even on Adderall I couldn't respond to nearly anything. My last Psychiatrist noted that the best tested and documented treatment for BPD are antidepressants as opposed to mood stabilizers or a cocktail of of drugs. Though that is because any given drug combination for any specific illness wouldn't be cost effective for a pharma company to take on and I've had good luck on a three way combination of Setraline / Zoloft, lametical and Abilify (the last one being called a "miracle" drug for BPD, but it's far more complicated than that.)

Let me think about how I can describe how her feelings (anxiety, depression, etc) could be impacting her behavior or at least describe how it molded mine and I'll post again. I don't want to rush into even small posts on this subject and I'm in alot of flux right now, so give me some time to think on this for both of us.

[RetroRomper]

Zoloft by itself changed my life and let me engage in everything else that has begun to help me. It'll take months AFTER taking at least weeks to work up to the full dosage, so it's a commitment (and then it may not work or work as well as another, so you restart the process from ground zero.) The biggest thing that allowed me to take the Zoloft on a regular basis, was HapticAnimal finally offering to get the medication for me as even standing seemed too much effort and remembering was another ball game.

So this may be the smallest, yet biggest thing you can do for her - get her her medication.

[RetroRomper]

I've been happy for four consecutive days.

[pinback]

Don't jinx it.