by pinback » Mon Sep 26, 2011 4:36 pm
This weekend I saw three mediocre movies! Let's TAKE A LOOK!
1. Bridesmaids. I like everyone in the movie! That's a whole BUTTLOAD of talent right there on the screen. And it has some funny moments! But it can't figure out whether it wants to be a ROMCOM, an Apatow gross-out, a smarter Sex in the City, or what. So instead it just kinda is a little bit of everything instead of a lot of anything. That smells like MEDIOCRE to me!
2. The Ward. Holy crap, a new John Carpenter movie? I hadn't even heard of it. Straight to video? What's going on here? A guy starts his career so spectacularly that he thinks he can still put "JOHN CARPENTER'S" in front of his movie titles and inspire anything but laughter and pity? Well, I rented this because I wanted a movie so bad it was good. But it wasn't so bad it was good. It wasn't even that bad. It also wasn't even that good. Also it's virtually identical to another movie which I won't tell you what it is because it'd be a total spoiler. I'm no math whiz, but I'm pretty sure this all adds up to the grand total of: MEDIOCRE!
3. X:Men First Class. Some would say I shouldn't get to review this because I don't know or care about the X Mans. But I don't care! Know why? Because I know three things: Good movies, bad movies, and... well, not to give it away, but the writing was so clunky, the pace so slow, and Kevin Bacon so goofy that... well, there's one word that comes to mind to describe the whole deal there... can't quite put my finger on it... what... what is that word... AH YES! I remember now: MEDIOCRE!!(*)
(*) Except for Jennifer Lawrence who oh my god has there ever been a more beautiful, sexy, stunning female creature to grace the medium of film, and let's face it, the entire planet Earth?(**)
(**) No.
This weekend I saw three mediocre movies! Let's TAKE A LOOK!
1. Bridesmaids. I like everyone in the movie! That's a whole BUTTLOAD of talent right there on the screen. And it has some funny moments! But it can't figure out whether it wants to be a ROMCOM, an Apatow gross-out, a smarter Sex in the City, or what. So instead it just kinda is a little bit of everything instead of a lot of anything. That smells like MEDIOCRE to me!
2. The Ward. Holy crap, a new John Carpenter movie? I hadn't even heard of it. Straight to video? What's going on here? A guy starts his career so spectacularly that he thinks he can still put "JOHN CARPENTER'S" in front of his movie titles and inspire anything but laughter and pity? Well, I rented this because I wanted a movie so bad it was good. But it wasn't so bad it was good. It wasn't even that bad. It also wasn't even that good. Also it's virtually identical to another movie which I won't tell you what it is because it'd be a total spoiler. I'm no math whiz, but I'm pretty sure this all adds up to the grand total of: MEDIOCRE!
3. X:Men First Class. Some would say I shouldn't get to review this because I don't know or care about the X Mans. But I don't care! Know why? Because I know three things: Good movies, bad movies, and... well, not to give it away, but the writing was so clunky, the pace so slow, and Kevin Bacon so goofy that... well, there's one word that comes to mind to describe the whole deal there... can't quite put my finger on it... what... what is that word... AH YES! I remember now: MEDIOCRE!!(*)
(*) Except for Jennifer Lawrence who oh my god has there ever been a more beautiful, sexy, stunning female creature to grace the medium of film, and let's face it, the entire planet Earth?(**)
(**) No.