by pinback » Sat Jan 28, 2012 11:57 am
Like last year, I will be providing mini-reviews of this year's nine nominees for Best Picture, as we happen to see them.
UNLIKE last year, this year's selection is a big pile of shit. Christ. Last year you had Social Network and 127 Hours, arguably two of the best movies of all time, and this year you have... Christ. Well, let's just get started.
THE HELP -- You guys? GUYS? I got something to say! Racism is bad!! Did you know that? And people in the south were very very racist! And it was allowed by law! Which is BAD! But the black people also had FEELINGS! Actually, everyone has feelings! Also, if you wait for two and a half hours, bad people will get their comeuppance, and good people will find redemption! Also, you will CRY when you are TOLD TO CRY, and CHEER when you are TOLD TO CHEER. Jesus, what a fucking load of overtly manipulative, surface-level "feel-good" horseshit. When the little girl with the tears in her eyes sobs "don't go way abbeeee", we just burst out in laughter. Probably not what the filmmaker intended. Jesus. Pinback's Rating: **1/2, Chance of Winning Best Picture: 1 out of 10.
MONEYBALL -- I liked this. Solid flick. Brad Pitt is good as Billy Beane. The story was interesting. HOWEVER, it is a half hour too long, and makes a very ill-advised choice to spend way too long trying to generate a dramatic, "The Natural" type moment by focusing on the 20th game in the A's winning streak in 2002. The whole thing is filmed like it's the seventh game of the World Series, but you know you are looking at a game that, if the A's lose, they... they only won NINETEEN in a row, and were still locks to win the division. So, like... who cares? Strangely, a movie basically about statistics and numbers got less interesting when it left the spreadsheets and hit the field. Pinback's Rating: ***, Chance of Winning Best Picture: 0 out of 10.
THE TREE OF LIFE -- Kathy did not watch this with me because I did not, nor will I ever allow her to watch this movie. I also do not recommend you watch it. This movie begins in present day, when a family undergoes a tragedy which I'm still not sure what it was. Then the movie flashes back to when the family was younger and their kids were growing up in Texas, and Brad Pitt was the gruff but well-meaning father, and various things happen very slowly, and basically nothing much happens until the film flashes back to the BEGINNING OF THE FUCKING UNIVERSE and shows you what happened between THEN and the fucking DINOSAURS DYING OUT. WHY DID IT DO THIS. NOBODY KNOWS. But it was fascinating, and turns the whole movie into a puzzle, and maybe the most beautifully photographed puzzle ever devised. I LOVED IT. DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, WATCH IT. Pinback's Rating: ****, Chance of Winning Best Picture: -239 out of 10.
The other six nominees are:
Hugo (looking forward to it)
The Descendants (very looking forward to it)
Midnight in Paris (ugh)
The Artist (ugghhghh)
War Horse (UGUGHGHhghhhh)
Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close (you gotta be fucking kidding me. This one we may in fact skip outright. This has to be the worst "best (something)" nominee in award-show history. BUT PINBACK U HAVENT SEEN IT YETthe fuck outta here, I know a pile of puke when I see, or don't see, one.)
Like last year, I will be providing mini-reviews of this year's nine nominees for Best Picture, as we happen to see them.
UNLIKE last year, this year's selection is a big pile of shit. Christ. Last year you had Social Network and 127 Hours, arguably two of the best movies of all time, and this year you have... Christ. Well, let's just get started.
[b]THE HELP[/b] -- You guys? GUYS? I got something to say! [i]Racism is bad!![/i] Did you know that? And people in the south were [i]very very racist![/i] And it was [i]allowed by law![/i] Which is BAD! But the black people also had FEELINGS! Actually, everyone has feelings! Also, if you wait for two and a half hours, bad people will get their comeuppance, and good people will find redemption! Also, you will CRY when you are TOLD TO CRY, and CHEER when you are TOLD TO CHEER. Jesus, what a fucking load of overtly manipulative, surface-level "feel-good" horseshit. When the little girl with the tears in her eyes sobs "don't go way abbeeee", we just burst out in laughter. [i]Probably not what the filmmaker intended.[/i] Jesus. [i]Pinback's Rating: **1/2, Chance of Winning Best Picture: 1 out of 10.[/i]
[b]MONEYBALL[/b] -- I liked this. Solid flick. Brad Pitt is good as Billy Beane. The story was interesting. HOWEVER, it is a half hour too long, and makes a very ill-advised choice to spend way too long trying to generate a dramatic, "The Natural" type moment by focusing on the 20th game in the A's winning streak in 2002. The whole thing is filmed like it's the seventh game of the World Series, but you know you are looking at a game that, if the A's lose, they... they only won NINETEEN in a row, and were still locks to win the division. So, like... who cares? Strangely, a movie basically about statistics and numbers got less interesting when it left the spreadsheets and hit the field. [i]Pinback's Rating: ***, Chance of Winning Best Picture: 0 out of 10.[/i]
[b]THE TREE OF LIFE[/b] -- Kathy did not watch this with me because I did not, nor will I ever allow her to watch this movie. I also do not recommend you watch it. This movie begins in present day, when a family undergoes a tragedy which I'm still not sure what it was. Then the movie flashes back to when the family was younger and their kids were growing up in Texas, and Brad Pitt was the gruff but well-meaning father, and various things happen very slowly, and basically nothing much happens until the film flashes back to the BEGINNING OF THE FUCKING UNIVERSE and shows you what happened between THEN and the fucking DINOSAURS DYING OUT. WHY DID IT DO THIS. NOBODY KNOWS. But it was fascinating, and turns the whole movie into a puzzle, and maybe the most beautifully photographed puzzle ever devised. I LOVED IT. DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, WATCH IT. [i]Pinback's Rating: ****, Chance of Winning Best Picture: -239 out of 10.[/i]
The other six nominees are:
Hugo (looking forward to it)
The Descendants (very looking forward to it)
Midnight in Paris (ugh)
The Artist (ugghhghh)
War Horse (UGUGHGHhghhhh)
Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close (you gotta be fucking kidding me. This one we may in fact skip outright. This has to be the worst "best (something)" nominee in award-show history. BUT PINBACK U HAVENT SEEN IT YETthe fuck outta here, I know a pile of puke when I see, or don't see, one.)