Everything I know about golf I learned from these guys:



Actually that's not true. Everything I know about golf I learned from putt-putt.

Knuckles the CLown wrote:Take golf .

Please!

Let me put it this way. I played baseball my whole life, then switched to softball. One of the best players you've ever seen right Robb? While I was playing sports and becoming good, you were on the computer. You would get frustrated when you started playing softball with me that you had trouble throwing and hitting. And I played with other people like you that would be amazed that they couldnt just pick up a bat and ball and be good right away.

Now imagine I showed up at your work one day and said I want to be a pretty average java programmer in 5 weeks. You would probably say its not possible (maybe bad analogy, but work with me). Now you can pick up a club and know the object of the game, I can type on a keyboard and know the purpose of programming but both of us are going to look like idiots doing it in front of other people.

Take golf . I've been playing since i was 16. And I SUCK, I once shot an 87 usually shoot 95 and once every 5 times out I throw out a shitty 110+. Thats after playing for 16 years. So when I say there is no way for you not to embarass yourself, im not being mean, its just the truth.

The other thing with sports is it helps to learn them growing up. All of the skills become second nature and dont require thought. Learning baseball at age 4 means I can throw and hit natuarly without having to think about it. Not learning golf till my late teens mean I can be 30 yards from the green and still flub the ball 5 feet or scream it 50 yards pass the hole on any given swing.

Truthfully, if you do those things, you can skip the driving range.

How about I play quickly, do not violate golf etiquette, tell the person I am playing with that I am an idiot and open to suggestions, and just generally STFU and not ruin everyone else's good time?

The best chance you have is to find a driving range and go there pretty much every day, or as often as possible. Better still, buy a lesson or two, to help you on your way.

Also, fuck you. You could practice and play golf for 5000 years and never get close to beating me.

Look, this looks like Knuckles and I are being smug, jealous pricks, just trying to ruin your good time. Well, he probably is, but I'm not. But asking how to play decent golf in five weeks is like... well, some kind of witty analogy here would really help drive the point home.

Okay, but you're not the athlete I am.

What can I do?

In five weeks??

I been playing for 25 years and I still can't hit the motherfucker straight.

Come on - nothing? I just want to be able to hit the balls straight! Nothing??

Nothing.

What can I do?