Things I wouldn't have expected, Week One

by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Fri Sep 14, 2007 4:52 pm

The fact that two of the six coaches melting down did so while coaching OUR NEW ORLEANS SAINTS really warms my heart. I hope none of you learn what it's like to watch historically shitty football for so long.

That being said, let's talk about awful sportswriting. One of the things I did not expect for week one would be Peter King writing more fan fiction. This time, what Belichick should have said:

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2007/w ... index.html

Nothing is ever going to top him writing what Belichick and Brady would have said to each other when he predicted them winning the Super Bowl last year.

King is a guy who got famous for various reasons and is now going through the 9th grade overwritten shit we all got out of our systems in, er, 9th grade. Fanfic, dumbass rambling, LOOK AT MY KIDS, "people drink coffee - who are these people?" it never ends. I can't believe there is ONE guy writing a post-mortem on the week of football that was, and who gets it to the Internet on Monday morning. Someone, some site is going to make a lot of money doing his schtick without all the melodramatic cry-whining.

by **Knuckles the CLown** » Fri Sep 14, 2007 4:37 pm

since it is football season it is always appropriate!

[youtube][/youtube]

by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Fri Sep 14, 2007 3:25 pm

I don't get team defenses. I can understand doing that back in 1999, when there was no software that supported anything else (OK, there was Sandbox) but it's 2007. By the time the season finishes it will be 2008. 2008! Did any of us ever think we'd live this long?

You have three individual defensive players on your team. With byes, that means you'll have to have at the bare minimum four throughout the year. We now begin the Interesting Decision phase. Do you cut your fifth receiver in order to pick up IDP #4? Do you cut one of your defensive guys and hope nobody claims him for a week? Shaun Merriman gets cut for the bye and he's sitting there. Are you going to drop Santana Moss (for instance) to get him? Hope to pick him up on waivers?

Morons don't understand this because they have no history of what makes a good or bad game. This is why you see an article every year on how great the Madden series of games is from that douchebag. He doesn't know any better, but he (and thousands - millions like him) definitely know that their leagues are run correctly and would never entertain the idea of changing them.

This is the first year in 10 that I haven't made a change to the rules of my league to make the experience better. (And that's more because it seriously felt like 5 months since the last game was played in the NFL and the whole thing feels like it snuck up on me.) Nothing is more hilarious than your example. Bush is a 6th round pick in a league with team defenses and special teams. Who wouldn't want more players? Anything that can be done can be done badly.

by **Knuckles the CLown** » Fri Sep 14, 2007 3:10 pm

He still plays team defenses and QB TD are worth less in his league. He thinks that should be the standard. A whole nation of the idiots run their leagues this way and then draft Reggie Bush in the first round.

My favorite thing in the two leagues I am in that play team defense and special teams? I see Reggie Bush in their starting lineup I pick up the Saints D, so when Bush returns a punt for a TD his own player beats him while for a second he thinks he is getting those points.

by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Fri Sep 14, 2007 1:11 pm

Simmons has been in rare form this week, actually crying about the whole Bellicheat thing. But this:

We really need the auction format for all free-agent pickups -- $100 for the year, spend it however you want. For instance, the Meat Curtains (my East Coast roto team) stunk the joint out in Week 1, not because I picked a bad roster, but because Frank Gore, Lee Evans, Marques Colston and Alex Smith (we start 2 QBs) had terrible weeks. What was my reward? Getting Chris Brown as the No. 1 waiver wire pick. I don't even feel good about it. There's something inherently wrong with a system that penalizes owners for doing a good job and rewards owners for doing a bad job. In fact, I'm going to waive Chris Brown right now. I don't deserve him.

(Note: I'm not waiving Brown. I'm starting him this week. I just wanted to get everyone in my league excited for a second.)

I don't know where to begin. Starting two quarterbacks. Him blaming his team. (I have Frank Gore, Colston and Smith spread out over two teams and I won one game and lost the other one by less than two points.) But.. nobody in his league of idiots drafted Chris Brown???

Sweet FUCK I would love to be in a FF league with him and his idiot friends. Let me put it this way: if Greg were to join them he would instantly be the favorite to win it. And that's not a shot against Greg, it's a shot against those dumb fuckers.

by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Fri Sep 14, 2007 12:05 pm

Receivers gets good in their third year. Unless you're a dumb fucker like Simmons who thinks that the second year is the hot one. This is why Braylon Edwards (BUUUUUST) is also on everyone's team.

Also, I did a small bit of programming for the following site, which has a radio segment. Quotes on!

This Friday, and every Friday until at least the end of the NFL regular season, DailyDose will be doing a fantasy football segment for Worcester's WTAG's SportsNight. The show runs from 6 to 7, with our segment usually starting around 6:30. If you're so unfortunate as to not find yourself in Worcester, you can tune in online at http://www.wtag.com/cc-common/streaming_new/index.html

by **Knuckles the CLown** » Tue Sep 11, 2007 4:49 pm

I missed why Clayton is hot shit this year. Baltimore has not had a single player worth owning besides Todd Heap once every 6 weeks.

by **gsdgsd** » Tue Sep 11, 2007 3:28 pm

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:On the other hand, you can make money by threatening to add guys on the real-life favorite team of the various other players. "Hey Mike, I decided to load up on Seahawks this week." And then we see Seattle 0, Appalachian State 52.

yeah, but also Other Team 108, Greg 16. I just saw Maurice Morris on the waiver wire, and had pretty awful flashbacks to last year.

That being said, you have the #1 waiver wire spot this week, so any player you want to add will be added to your team. It looks like the Giants are going to go with that one kid for halfback the next 5 weeks - he'd be a great pickup. Let me know, Greg, if you can't find the process for getting a stats report from CBS.

don't worry, I'm fine... I grabbed him, though I'm really not terribly worried about my running backs. Yet. Right now, my motto on virtually everyone is, "Brees/Green/Clayton is going to get better, right? RIGHT?"

Except for Tatum Bell. I suspect we just saw his high point.[/quote]

by **gsdgsd** » Tue Sep 11, 2007 3:04 pm

Knuckles the CLown wrote:Anyhow, I can't help it if my real life and fantasy teams crushed him this weekend. That is supposed to go without comment??

I think the Bucs only losing by 14 is kind of a moral victory.

by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Tue Sep 11, 2007 2:31 pm

Knuckles the CLown wrote:Oh Robb its so cute for you to stick up for your little bud. Ben was right about you all along!

Anyhow, I can't help it if my real life and fantasy teams crushed him this weekend. That is supposed to go without comment??

I'm not saying you WERE a jerk. I was saying don't BE a jerk.

What did Ben say? I demand to know what you mean by that.

by **Knuckles the CLown** » Tue Sep 11, 2007 2:26 pm

Oh Robb its so cute for you to stick up for your little bud. Ben was right about you all along!

Anyhow, I can't help it if my real life and fantasy teams crushed him this weekend. That is supposed to go without comment??

by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Tue Sep 11, 2007 1:29 pm

gsdgsd wrote:
Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:Besides, seriously, who knew Drew Brees was going to have such an awful game against the Colts' mediocre (until the playoffs last year) defense?
When you consider Hasselbeck last year and now Brees' first game this season, perhaps I just destroy quarterbacks. I'm the Buccaneers of fantasy football.

On the other hand, you can make money by threatening to add guys on the real-life favorite team of the various other players. "Hey Mike, I decided to load up on Seahawks this week." And then we see Seattle 0, Appalachian State 52.

That being said, you have the #1 waiver wire spot this week, so any player you want to add will be added to your team. It looks like the Giants are going to go with that one kid for halfback the next 5 weeks - he'd be a great pickup. Let me know, Greg, if you can't find the process for getting a stats report from CBS. I refuse to help anyone else in the league until I myself win money (This is our 10th year playing and I have not won a dime, and I even scored the most f&^%$ing points last season and still finished 3rd) but:

1) You are a good person

2) There was less work in building the Sphynx than getting a web report out of CBS's layout

3) The Axe man of New Orleans did less butchering than CBS's web designers did on that site of good taste

4) You can pretty much write your own jokes from here on out, but CBS Sportsline really is incomprehensible.

5) I'm shocked that the CBS Sportsline Article Writer had the willpower to not lead with the Denver-Bills game, with a picture of Jason Elam's kick next to a caption of, "Neck and Neck Finish!"

by **gsdgsd** » Tue Sep 11, 2007 5:33 am

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:Besides, seriously, who knew Drew Brees was going to have such an awful game against the Colts' mediocre (until the playoffs last year) defense?

When you consider Hasselbeck last year and now Brees' first game this season, perhaps I just destroy quarterbacks. I'm the Buccaneers of fantasy football.

by **gsdgsd** » Tue Sep 11, 2007 5:32 am

Knuckles the CLown wrote:wait you are the same guy I played in fantasy football this week?

Yes, same guy. Somehow I couldn't stop watching the automated scoring -- even last night, by which point it was really pretty ugly.

by **Ice Cream Jonsey** » Mon Sep 10, 2007 7:44 pm

Yes, that is Greg. Don't be a jerk. In addition to being a good personal friend of mine, he is one of the few people that actually pays on time in that league.Besides, seriously, who knew Drew Brees was going to have such an awful game against the Colts' mediocre (until the playoffs last year) defense?

by **Knuckles the CLown** » Mon Sep 10, 2007 7:41 pm

wait you are the same guy I played in fantasy football this week?

by **gsdgsd** » Mon Sep 10, 2007 5:17 pm

(fantasy football edition)

* That Tatum Bell would outscore Ahman Green and Laurence Maroney -- combined!

* That Drew Brees would score -1.9 points!

* That my team would show signs of sucking worse than last year's -- something I didn't think possible!

Things I wouldn't have expected, Week One

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Things I wouldn't have expected, Week One