by Tdarcos » Tue Jan 23, 2024 5:04 am
I was watching a video by a sex expert (I'll link to it below) and I discovered things I had no idea were happening.
By the way, all of the questions I ask you, are to get you to think about it, and are rhetorical, i.e. I'm not expecting you to answer. Also, when I say "your woman," I mean your girlfriend or wife as in "the woman you have (or have been) routinely having sex with," not "the woman you own."
For example, in my own involvements, before I had intercourse with the woman, either I'd eat her (or if she smelled, at least finger bang her, and if not, both simultaneously) until she had several orgasms, or told me she was satisfied, first. If someone had asked me if you need to do things to her before having sex, I would have said, "well, of course, most women get little to no pleasure from intercourse alone, you have to pleasure her by extra stimulation first." I mean, I thought most guys knew this. I found out I was wrong.
It's been known since the '70s, thanks to
The Hite Report on women's sexuality, that only 30% of women can orgasm through vaginal intercourse alone. I have discovered that this figure has gone down, now apparently only 20% of women can achieve orgasm through "the old in-and-out."
Women are easily bored, and if you don't make it fun or exciting for her, she's not going to be all that interested. And she might look elsewhere for excitement if she doesn't get it from you. I was shocked to hear that in many couples, the frequency of sex can dwindle down to having not have had any for a year. In some cases, this can happen to couples who have been together as little as two years. And if it's been so long, that you haven't had sex in a year, it's not going to change. Men tend to be proactive when it comes to sex, even just visual stimulation can get them interested in sex, i.e. "horny." Women tend to be reactive when it comes to being horny, they're often not really that interested unless you make it interesting for her. Foreplay, massages, kissing, fingerbanging, and/or cunnilingus, are all things you can do to stimulate her interest.
Look, your woman does not have to be sexually stimulated or pleasured by intercourse - most women do not - but if you eat and/or finger her first she'll be a lot more turned on and interested. The simple answer is that she doesn't have to get orgasm from intercourse, if you stimulate her externally to orgasm first, she will be happy with the result. By the way, do the two of you talk about sex? Do you discuss things she would like you to do to her? If not, you need to start. Lack of communication is one of the reason many, if not most couples, would say their sex life is inadequate or unsatisfying.
If someone had asked me if I thought women liked being slapped around or choked, I would have been horrified. My thought was, you
never strike a woman, choke, or hurt her. However, too many guys watch porn that includes such activities, and think that is what women like. So the guy does this, thinks the sex was fantastic, and has no idea of how bad the experience was for her.
Women are much quicker to be bored by routine sex. Tell a guy his sex life will consist of using the same position three times a week for the rest of his life, he'll think that's great; the woman would be bored out of her mind. I remember one of the rules to determine if people - especially teenagers - were ready to be sexually active with each other. The rule of thumb is, "If you're not comfortable enough to discuss what contraception you'll use with the other person, you're not ready to have sex." Now, the rule should be, "If you're not comfortable enough either to discuss what contraception you'll use with the other person, and/or what the man is going to do for the woman to make her come before he has intercourse, you're not ready to have sex."
Women like feeling safe, but do like excitement when it comes to sex. Different positions, different places (some couples have a tradition that when they move into a new house, that they make love at least once in every room in the house, including bathrooms, walk-in closets, and the garage), or trying other things. Have you considered giving your woman a birthday present by a sexless lovemaking sesion: kissing, backrub and/or massage, going down on her, then once she's satisfied, more kissing, and that's all, since it's her present, she gets to have all the pleasure herself, unless she wants you to do something else?
Also, for a lot of women, they like the penetration, but usually want the guy to move slower, not so deep, and not as hard. Have you discussed this with your woman? Chances are, probably not.
Now, if I'm completely wrong, that you and your woman are open and free to talk about what they like and don't like, that she says she is satisfied with what happens during lovemaking, and both of you are having sex on a regular basis at a frequency that both of you like, then forget I said anything.
But if any of these are not the situation in your household, you need to start a dialog with her. Simple questions like, "are you happy with our sex life?" or "Is there anything you would like me to do with you during sex, or is there anything you don't like to do or have done to you?" And listen. There might be other things to ask, you'll probably find out what else to ask from what she tells you.
Because one of the easiest ways to make it unlikely she'll cheat on you is if you make sex interesting, and exciting, and fun for her too. You generally get your fun more or less automatically, you need to make sure she gets her fun too.
I wish you good luck, and good sex!
Now, the video I spoke about.
While this video is a bit long at about 100 minutes, it is interesting and informative, and you're almost certainly going to learn something about why your sex life is (hopefully only occasionally) unsatisfying for you, (or often) your woman, or both of you.
I was watching a video by a sex expert (I'll link to it below) and I discovered things I had no idea were happening.
By the way, all of the questions I ask you, are to get you to think about it, and are rhetorical, i.e. I'm not expecting you to answer. Also, when I say "your woman," I mean your girlfriend or wife as in "the woman you have (or have been) routinely having sex with," not "the woman you own."
For example, in my own involvements, before I had intercourse with the woman, either I'd eat her (or if she smelled, at least finger bang her, and if not, both simultaneously) until she had several orgasms, or told me she was satisfied, first. If someone had asked me if you need to do things to her before having sex, I would have said, "well, of course, most women get little to no pleasure from intercourse alone, you have to pleasure her by extra stimulation first." I mean, I thought most guys knew this. I found out I was wrong.
It's been known since the '70s, thanks to [url=https://www.amazon.com/s?k=the+hite+report&i=stripbooks&crid=1347ZWLVLESD0&sprefix=the+hite+%2Cstripbooks%2C82&ref=nb_sb_ss_ts-doa-p_1_9]The Hite Report[/url] on women's sexuality, that only 30% of women can orgasm through vaginal intercourse alone. I have discovered that this figure has gone down, now apparently only 20% of women can achieve orgasm through "the old in-and-out."
Women are easily bored, and if you don't make it fun or exciting for her, she's not going to be all that interested. And she might look elsewhere for excitement if she doesn't get it from you. I was shocked to hear that in many couples, the frequency of sex can dwindle down to having not have had any for a year. In some cases, this can happen to couples who have been together as little as two years. And if it's been so long, that you haven't had sex in a year, it's not going to change. Men tend to be proactive when it comes to sex, even just visual stimulation can get them interested in sex, i.e. "horny." Women tend to be reactive when it comes to being horny, they're often not really that interested unless you make it interesting for her. Foreplay, massages, kissing, fingerbanging, and/or cunnilingus, are all things you can do to stimulate her interest.
Look, your woman does not have to be sexually stimulated or pleasured by intercourse - most women do not - but if you eat and/or finger her first she'll be a lot more turned on and interested. The simple answer is that she doesn't have to get orgasm from intercourse, if you stimulate her externally to orgasm first, she will be happy with the result. By the way, do the two of you talk about sex? Do you discuss things she would like you to do to her? If not, you need to start. Lack of communication is one of the reason many, if not most couples, would say their sex life is inadequate or unsatisfying.
If someone had asked me if I thought women liked being slapped around or choked, I would have been horrified. My thought was, you [u]never[/u] strike a woman, choke, or hurt her. However, too many guys watch porn that includes such activities, and think that is what women like. So the guy does this, thinks the sex was fantastic, and has no idea of how bad the experience was for her.
Women are much quicker to be bored by routine sex. Tell a guy his sex life will consist of using the same position three times a week for the rest of his life, he'll think that's great; the woman would be bored out of her mind. I remember one of the rules to determine if people - especially teenagers - were ready to be sexually active with each other. The rule of thumb is, "If you're not comfortable enough to discuss what contraception you'll use with the other person, you're not ready to have sex." Now, the rule should be, "If you're not comfortable enough either to discuss what contraception you'll use with the other person, and/or what the man is going to do for the woman to make her come before he has intercourse, you're not ready to have sex."
Women like feeling safe, but do like excitement when it comes to sex. Different positions, different places (some couples have a tradition that when they move into a new house, that they make love at least once in every room in the house, including bathrooms, walk-in closets, and the garage), or trying other things. Have you considered giving your woman a birthday present by a sexless lovemaking sesion: kissing, backrub and/or massage, going down on her, then once she's satisfied, more kissing, and that's all, since it's her present, she gets to have all the pleasure herself, unless she wants you to do something else?
Also, for a lot of women, they like the penetration, but usually want the guy to move slower, not so deep, and not as hard. Have you discussed this with your woman? Chances are, probably not.
Now, if I'm completely wrong, that you and your woman are open and free to talk about what they like and don't like, that she says she is satisfied with what happens during lovemaking, and both of you are having sex on a regular basis at a frequency that both of you like, then forget I said anything.
But if any of these are not the situation in your household, you need to start a dialog with her. Simple questions like, "are you happy with our sex life?" or "Is there anything you would like me to do with you during sex, or is there anything you don't like to do or have done to you?" And listen. There might be other things to ask, you'll probably find out what else to ask from what she tells you.
Because one of the easiest ways to make it unlikely she'll cheat on you is if you make sex interesting, and exciting, and fun for her too. You generally get your fun more or less automatically, you need to make sure she gets her fun too.
I wish you good luck, and good sex!
Now, the video I spoke about.
While this video is a bit long at about 100 minutes, it is interesting and informative, and you're almost certainly going to learn something about why your sex life is (hopefully only occasionally) unsatisfying for you, (or often) your woman, or both of you.
https://youtu.be/2Ait0WaCNCw