After the success of 1981's Porky's, theaters (and late night cable channels) were flooded with "sex comedies," almost all of which followed one or more young men in their attempts to get laid.
The screenplay for
Screwballs (1983) was produced by Roger Corman and written by Linda Shayne and Jim Wynorski. Shayne had just come off a starring role in Corman's Humanoids from the Deep. Wynorski, known for being a fast writer, teamed up with Corman on dozens of projects, including the cult classic Chopping Mall. Wynorski specializes in scripts that feature boobs; some of his recent works include Giantess Battle Attack, Bigfoot or Bust, Legend of the Naked Ghost, Sharkansas Women's Prison Massacre, Scared Topless, Shark Babes, Sexipede!, Sexy Wives Sinsations, and one of my personal favorites, The Devil Wears Nada.
Screwballs sets its tone with the opening shot. The film opens with a closeup of the word "coming" -- as the camera pulls away we see a waitress hanging a banner that reads "Homecoming Special 69¢" while getting hammered in the butt by a giant motorized hot dog wiener.
From there we transition to the first day of school at Taft and Adams (T&A) High School, 1965. In a series of scenes, multiple students are caught involved in mischief. In the first, high school senior Rick McKay is caught posing as a doctor and convincing 14 and 15-year-old girls to remove their clothing to receive "freshman breast exams." A second student, Brent Van Dusen III, takes over his French class and is caught "teaching" a girl by shoving a model of the Eiffel Tower down her throat. Then there's new student Tim Stevenson, who asks for direction to the boy's gym and is tricked by another student into entering the girl's locker room. In the next scene, a student named Melvin Jerkovski gets caught jerking off in the cafeteria's walk-in meat locker. In the final scene, Howie Bates is busted for adjusting the school's security mirrors to look down blouses and up skirts. This culminates with all five students in Principal Stuckoff's office, receiving detention. Yes, the punishment for molesting underage girls and getting tricked into entering the wrong room is the same in this school.
Working in the office is Purity Busch, the school's last virgin. Purity was involved in all the previous scenes, and pulls a stunt increasing the boys' detention from one day to fice days, which the principal delivers as if it were the death penalty. While washing mud off of frogs during detention, the five boys set a contest to see which one of them can "get a shot of that bod" or "at least see the tits" of one Miss Purity Busch. Let the hijinks begin!
Tim's plan of sneaking into Purity's room in the middle of the night fails when he goes to the wrong bedroom and accidentally gets a blowjob from Purity's mother instead. Howie attempts to impress Purity by building a convoluted machine that will make the fake hot dog wiener from the opening scene look like an erection. Jerkofski's plan is to find the spot on the beach where Purity tans every day and bury himself in the sand under that spot. That fails when Purity mistakes Jerkofski's growing boner as a sand crab and stomps on it. There's an attempt to add "industrial strength Spanish Fly" to Purity's glass of punch at a school event, but the entire bottle is accidentally spilled into the punch bowl leading to horny hilarity.
There are tons of scene tossed in that have nothing to do with the plot. The boys go to a strip club. The boys go to a drive-in. In one scene, the boys show up to the local bowling alley and challenge a group of girls to a game of "strip bowling" which, best I can tell, involves removing a piece of clothing every single time you bowl regardless of what happens. The scene ends with Howie's "you know what" getting stuck inside the hole of a bowling ball and having it removed by having the girls "titivate" him until it shoots off.
(Wait, is that a KISS pinball table? In a movie set in 1965?)
It's tough to feel too much sympathy for these guys when they're constantly seeing naked women. In the toughly two months that take place between the first day of school and homecoming, these guys have seen more breasts in person than I have in my entire life. A random day in these guys' lives is getting pulled onto the stage at a local strip club and getting involves in a contest to see who can lick the most whipped cream off a naked stripper... which now that I think about it sounds kind of gross, but it's simply astounding how many sexual situations these guys managed to get themselves into in just a few short weeks. The fact that the boys can't see one specific pair of breasts is just not that terrible.
The film ends with Howie using another one of his inventions (this one involving magnetism) to pull off Purity Busch's clothes. The magnets work and not only pull of Purity's dress and bra but also balloons, flags, and a bunch of other non-metallic shit. At first Purity doesn't notice her clothes have been ripped off and when she does she stands in a way that shows her boobs throughout the entire closing credits. Bravo, Mr. Corman.
# # #
They say you can't bottle lightning twice, but to that I say, maybe
Screwballs wasn't lightning.
Screwballs was released in 1983, but takes place in 1965.
Screwballs II: Loose Screws was released two years later in 1985 and takes place in 1985. Other than the titles, the movies are unrelated.
The action has been moved from the ridiculously named T&A High to the much more respectable Beaver High. As with the first film, four high school deviants (Brad Lovett, Steve Hardman, Hugh G. Rection, and Marvin Eatmore) are rounded up and, after being told "four years as a senior is enough), they are sent to Cockswell Academy. No I am not making these names up.
Moments after arriving at Cockswell, our new group of boys pull off the exact same scam from the first film and set up a fake breast examination room. This time, one of the guys fondles breasts while the other records the action with a camcorder, pretending it's a miniature x-ray machine. The jig is eventually up and the boys are put under scrutiny. Despite this, they set a goal of scoring with as many girls as they can at the academy, and even develop a point system: 10 points for sex, 5 for "almost," 2 points for a "looksie," and a cool 100 points if anyone happens to make it with the academy's French teacher, "Mona Lott."
The boys launch several plans into action. Brad dresses in drag and moves into the women's dorm. Hugh G. Rection, who laments that "not all men are created equal," stuffs his shorts with tissue paper before touring the boardwalk. Steve sets up private French lessons with Ms. Lott. Fatty Marvin joins a local Jazzercise class and harasses the women. None of this is creepy at all.
For the record, one of the best things about this film is that it takes place in 1985. All the "hot" girls look like this:
Then there's a beach party with 100 hot people dancing to a song called "do the screw." It's a great time. The fat guy is even dancing with a girl like this!
The boy's attempts never stop. One guy starts giving tennis lessons to... well, one lesson to one woman. Things work out. Another kid poses as a fake masseur and gives free sensual back massages to women. (He fakes a Chinese accent and names himself "Hung Low.") One of the guys almost nails the principal's wife. Eventually the focus shifts to Hugh, who hasn't scored a single time (the horror!). Fortunately, Hugh has been using his computer to devise a plan. So far the sexiest thing Hugh has done in this film is whip out a portable Texas Instruments computer with a built in color CRT. THAT'S HOT.
The computer explains that the best way to see boobs is in the women's locker room out the pool, and it works until Fatty McFatt falls through the ceiling. The boys are threatened with expulsion and are so distraught that they go to the local strip club and get selected to just a wet t-shirt contest. These guys have the worst luck!
Is there even a plot anymore? Is a series of five-minute scenes where the guys continually see and usually touch naked women a plot? How did this get made? This is the same year Back to the Future was made. Think of all the money they wasted on special effects in that film. That car could have paid for a lot of silicone!
The boys get kicked out of the academy but get their revenge by showing a film of the principal and Ms. Lott having sex in front of a full audience. Then they pump a gas into the auditorium which is an aphrodisiac, which is essentially another bit they stole from the first film. The end!
Oh, at the end the four guys create a band and play a song while the credits roll even though it was never mentioned a single time that any of them new how to play a musical instrument.
After the success of 1981's Porky's, theaters (and late night cable channels) were flooded with "sex comedies," almost all of which followed one or more young men in their attempts to get laid.
The screenplay for [i]Screwballs[/i] (1983) was produced by Roger Corman and written by Linda Shayne and Jim Wynorski. Shayne had just come off a starring role in Corman's Humanoids from the Deep. Wynorski, known for being a fast writer, teamed up with Corman on dozens of projects, including the cult classic Chopping Mall. Wynorski specializes in scripts that feature boobs; some of his recent works include Giantess Battle Attack, Bigfoot or Bust, Legend of the Naked Ghost, Sharkansas Women's Prison Massacre, Scared Topless, Shark Babes, Sexipede!, Sexy Wives Sinsations, and one of my personal favorites, The Devil Wears Nada.
[img]https://i.imgur.com/Pi2JORw.jpg[/img]
[i]Screwballs[/i] sets its tone with the opening shot. The film opens with a closeup of the word "coming" -- as the camera pulls away we see a waitress hanging a banner that reads "Homecoming Special 69¢" while getting hammered in the butt by a giant motorized hot dog wiener.
From there we transition to the first day of school at Taft and Adams (T&A) High School, 1965. In a series of scenes, multiple students are caught involved in mischief. In the first, high school senior Rick McKay is caught posing as a doctor and convincing 14 and 15-year-old girls to remove their clothing to receive "freshman breast exams." A second student, Brent Van Dusen III, takes over his French class and is caught "teaching" a girl by shoving a model of the Eiffel Tower down her throat. Then there's new student Tim Stevenson, who asks for direction to the boy's gym and is tricked by another student into entering the girl's locker room. In the next scene, a student named Melvin Jerkovski gets caught jerking off in the cafeteria's walk-in meat locker. In the final scene, Howie Bates is busted for adjusting the school's security mirrors to look down blouses and up skirts. This culminates with all five students in Principal Stuckoff's office, receiving detention. Yes, the punishment for molesting underage girls and getting tricked into entering the wrong room is the same in this school.
[img]https://i.imgur.com/cnvvD5J.jpg[/img]
Working in the office is Purity Busch, the school's last virgin. Purity was involved in all the previous scenes, and pulls a stunt increasing the boys' detention from one day to fice days, which the principal delivers as if it were the death penalty. While washing mud off of frogs during detention, the five boys set a contest to see which one of them can "get a shot of that bod" or "at least see the tits" of one Miss Purity Busch. Let the hijinks begin!
Tim's plan of sneaking into Purity's room in the middle of the night fails when he goes to the wrong bedroom and accidentally gets a blowjob from Purity's mother instead. Howie attempts to impress Purity by building a convoluted machine that will make the fake hot dog wiener from the opening scene look like an erection. Jerkofski's plan is to find the spot on the beach where Purity tans every day and bury himself in the sand under that spot. That fails when Purity mistakes Jerkofski's growing boner as a sand crab and stomps on it. There's an attempt to add "industrial strength Spanish Fly" to Purity's glass of punch at a school event, but the entire bottle is accidentally spilled into the punch bowl leading to horny hilarity.
There are tons of scene tossed in that have nothing to do with the plot. The boys go to a strip club. The boys go to a drive-in. In one scene, the boys show up to the local bowling alley and challenge a group of girls to a game of "strip bowling" which, best I can tell, involves removing a piece of clothing every single time you bowl regardless of what happens. The scene ends with Howie's "you know what" getting stuck inside the hole of a bowling ball and having it removed by having the girls "titivate" him until it shoots off.
[img]https://i.imgur.com/5SjSURJ.jpg[/img]
[i](Wait, is that a KISS pinball table? In a movie set in 1965?)[/i]
It's tough to feel too much sympathy for these guys when they're constantly seeing naked women. In the toughly two months that take place between the first day of school and homecoming, these guys have seen more breasts in person than I have in my entire life. A random day in these guys' lives is getting pulled onto the stage at a local strip club and getting involves in a contest to see who can lick the most whipped cream off a naked stripper... which now that I think about it sounds kind of gross, but it's simply astounding how many sexual situations these guys managed to get themselves into in just a few short weeks. The fact that the boys can't see one specific pair of breasts is just not that terrible.
The film ends with Howie using another one of his inventions (this one involving magnetism) to pull off Purity Busch's clothes. The magnets work and not only pull of Purity's dress and bra but also balloons, flags, and a bunch of other non-metallic shit. At first Purity doesn't notice her clothes have been ripped off and when she does she stands in a way that shows her boobs throughout the entire closing credits. Bravo, Mr. Corman.
# # #
They say you can't bottle lightning twice, but to that I say, maybe [i]Screwballs[/i] wasn't lightning. [i]Screwballs[/i] was released in 1983, but takes place in 1965. [i]Screwballs II: Loose Screws[/i] was released two years later in 1985 and takes place in 1985. Other than the titles, the movies are unrelated.
The action has been moved from the ridiculously named T&A High to the much more respectable Beaver High. As with the first film, four high school deviants (Brad Lovett, Steve Hardman, Hugh G. Rection, and Marvin Eatmore) are rounded up and, after being told "four years as a senior is enough), they are sent to Cockswell Academy. No I am not making these names up.
Moments after arriving at Cockswell, our new group of boys pull off the exact same scam from the first film and set up a fake breast examination room. This time, one of the guys fondles breasts while the other records the action with a camcorder, pretending it's a miniature x-ray machine. The jig is eventually up and the boys are put under scrutiny. Despite this, they set a goal of scoring with as many girls as they can at the academy, and even develop a point system: 10 points for sex, 5 for "almost," 2 points for a "looksie," and a cool 100 points if anyone happens to make it with the academy's French teacher, "Mona Lott."
The boys launch several plans into action. Brad dresses in drag and moves into the women's dorm. Hugh G. Rection, who laments that "not all men are created equal," stuffs his shorts with tissue paper before touring the boardwalk. Steve sets up private French lessons with Ms. Lott. Fatty Marvin joins a local Jazzercise class and harasses the women. None of this is creepy at all.
[img]https://i.imgur.com/ewJTzQJ.jpg[/img]
For the record, one of the best things about this film is that it takes place in 1985. All the "hot" girls look like this:
[img]https://i.imgur.com/GrWYjde.jpg[/img]
Then there's a beach party with 100 hot people dancing to a song called "do the screw." It's a great time. The fat guy is even dancing with a girl like this!
[img]https://i.imgur.com/10sZDKM.jpg[/img]
The boy's attempts never stop. One guy starts giving tennis lessons to... well, one lesson to one woman. Things work out. Another kid poses as a fake masseur and gives free sensual back massages to women. (He fakes a Chinese accent and names himself "Hung Low.") One of the guys almost nails the principal's wife. Eventually the focus shifts to Hugh, who hasn't scored a single time (the horror!). Fortunately, Hugh has been using his computer to devise a plan. So far the sexiest thing Hugh has done in this film is whip out a portable Texas Instruments computer with a built in color CRT. THAT'S HOT.
[img]https://i.imgur.com/jMVd4Q7.jpg[/img]
The computer explains that the best way to see boobs is in the women's locker room out the pool, and it works until Fatty McFatt falls through the ceiling. The boys are threatened with expulsion and are so distraught that they go to the local strip club and get selected to just a wet t-shirt contest. These guys have the worst luck!
[img]https://i.imgur.com/UF980J3.jpg[/img]
Is there even a plot anymore? Is a series of five-minute scenes where the guys continually see and usually touch naked women a plot? How did this get made? This is the same year Back to the Future was made. Think of all the money they wasted on special effects in that film. That car could have paid for a lot of silicone!
The boys get kicked out of the academy but get their revenge by showing a film of the principal and Ms. Lott having sex in front of a full audience. Then they pump a gas into the auditorium which is an aphrodisiac, which is essentially another bit they stole from the first film. The end!
[img]https://i.imgur.com/0VQRRbi.jpg[/img]
Oh, at the end the four guys create a band and play a song while the credits roll even though it was never mentioned a single time that any of them new how to play a musical instrument.
[img]https://i.imgur.com/d50A0JM.jpg[/img]