Thank God someone reviewed that steaming turd.

(Well, reported to be a steaming turd by most who saw it.)

I thought that I'd be a pile of glistening white bones by the time Jonsey posted a review of it that was more in-depth than a three-word review.

I'll probably see it, but geez, I don't think I'll pay for it. Gotta get me some DVD-RWs for such purposes. I have to say, it does sound like a live-action comic book in the worst sense of the word, that is, lots of impossible stuff done only because it'd look cool. (The Nautilus - a huge submarine - somehow fitting in the canals of Venice... a Nemomobile... dudes standing on top of buildings ready to shoot as a car that they had no idea even existed, oh and those buildings are about to be demolished so why would they get on top of them, etc, etc... Really, it sounds more like Wild Wild West than anything else.)

Ladis and gentlemen, I present to you--Lysander's impromptoo review of the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, a movie he saw only one time more than three months ago! Can you think of anything that could possibly be a better use of your time? (yes.)

Well, speaking as a "vetrain" movie watcher and complainer, I found the picture itself to be quite enjoyable; good actors, good direction, good group of characters, good (if slightly boring) plot, nice action...

However, its when we get to the characters that the movie splinters and blows away without calling like Jessica Cambel. Y'see, here's the thing: the characters all had *personalities* in the books they were taken from, and now that they've been inserted into this movie they either have different ones or none at all. The Invisible Man is the only one of the group who has anything close to an actual, omg, personality of his own. Nemo--let's face it, Nemo does not have a fucking personality, he's only there because he controls the Nautilous. Yes, that's right, Captain *fucking Nemo*, arguably the deepest character in 20000 Leagues, has been turned into a cardboard cuttout with an omg k00l boat. Mina--wait, before I can bitch out Mina's personality, I have to go over her "powers." See, I've read Bram Stoker's Dracula. In it, Mina is one of the Vampire *huntresses*, you goddamn giant cheesy poof. She *never* becomes a Vampire, EVER, and in fact at the end of the book all of the vampires become very, very dead, making it impossible for her to *become* a vampire. Okay, at one point she gets *bitten* and is in the process of *becoming* a vampire, but she gets *cured*. Errrgh. So, ah, her character. Her character in the movie is nothing short of stereotypical look at me i am a kool vampyre chick i am soooooo sexay don`t i turn u on?.<M/></../.,?/?:/ Disgusting. Jeckyl /Mr. Hyde suffers from a similar stereotype problem, only instead of the stereotypical dangerous lady in leather he is the stereotypical ongsty i have teribal demonns, i laRP Vampire: the Masquerade. Also, Mr. Hyde can't talk to Jeckel, they're too completely different people. Jeckle (watch me spell it differently each time! Bwahaha!) becomes Hyde after drinking the syrum, Hyde isn't a part of the doctor's mind; they can't *talk* to each other. Of course, I could also bring up the fact that Jeqel ends up becoming immune to the syrum and becomes Hyde all the time, at which point he locks himself up in his lab and shoots himself, but that would be just nitpicking.

The flower gangster was Uncle Miltie (Milton Berle) as Louie the Lilac - and, technically, he dressed in Lilac, not pink.

I usually cut the factoids out before burning to DVD. There are 120 episodes total, so far I have the first 108 on DVD. The next ten would be done already but one had a problem when authoring - might have to re-cut it (frickin' DTivo extraction is still not an exact science), but I'll probably do that tonight. Then, the last two will have share space with something else - maybe some Ernie Kovacs or The PJs or something.

Technically, I didn't get that factoid from them, I got it from independant research. (While researching "Jervis Tetch", trying to figure out what the deal was with his astoudingly odd accent.) Also, dunno why they had to create the Puzzler at all, as they didn't mind having John "crazy Dad from Night Count/Gomez from Adams Family" Astin play the Riddler in episode 79-80 - he did a pretty decent job, too. Check the Batman episode guide for tons of interesting info.

Jethro Q. Walrustitty wrote:Puzzler, of course, being the Batman villian hastily created when Frank Gorshin wasn't available to play The Riddler for one episode. A scab, as it were.

Yay! Someone else remembers those little factiods following episodes of Batman on TV Land! I think the only scab was the flower gangster who dressed in all pink.

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:So getting my full opinion is like a puzzle, kind of.

Listen, Puzzler... I don't "play", games. I don't "play", anything.

Puzzler, of course, being the Batman villian hastily created when Frank Gorshin wasn't available to play The Riddler for one episode. A scab, as it were.

Tell you what. I'll just sit here and stroke my long, white beard while awaiting your so-called "review."

Jethro Q. Walrustitty wrote:So, Jonsey, you did see it? But only carefully plotting to keep up your "I haven't seen it yet" story when quering on the enemy site? Damn you, Jonsey! Damn you for deciding that nowhere on the internet deserves a real Jonsey review of LoEG! Damn you to helllllllllllllllllllllllll!

I saw it, but not when I originally was going to. I was originally going to see it the Friday it opened. I got to 8:30pm sitting at work, had to wait until 10:20 and said, "You know what? Fuck this. This thing is getting too-miserable reviews to wait an additional two hours."

I caught it on the Saturday night it opened instead. Things have been too hectic to type up a proper review, but I think there are bits and pieces of one scattered around the site. So getting my full opinion is like a puzzle, kind of.

So, Jonsey, you did see it? But only carefully plotting to keep up your "I haven't seen it yet" story when quering on the enemy site? Damn you, Jonsey! Damn you for deciding that nowhere on the internet deserves a real Jonsey review of LoEG! Damn you to helllllllllllllllllllllllll!

OK, here's a movie "exclusive" for JC that I haven't posted over on "you know where" - the trailer for "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" showed before Bad Boys 2 when we saw it. (STFU anyone who gives me crap about it, my cousin's in the movie, therefore I had to see it.) Obviously, a remake of TCM is an extremely bad idea, and it looks like it'll be a pretty bad movie - it appears to stray a bit from original story, like them finding out right at the beginning that there's killers loose. Suck! Suck, I tell you! It'll suck! Meanwhile, the original will remain a classic.

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:

loafergirl wrote:I can agree to that.

And the part where Hyde is telling Jekyll in the mirror about the high pitched sonics, only Jekyll doesn't know what he's going on about and therefore doesn't act on it -- that was kind of a neat little thing where the screenwriters were a brief step ahead of its audience for a change, right? That was kind of cool, wasn't it?

No, can't go for that one, it was stupid of them to put the record on in the first place, it screamed of foul play. And they were talking about it while it was being explained... so it was another poorly executed scene.

-LG

Ghost of Siskel wrote:

Would you agree, somewhat, to that?

This film was a worse idea than those winky smiley faces and those colon no winky smiley faces and "LOL"s. I absolutely hated it.

Two rotting thumbs down.

A worse IDEA? Don't you mean, "terrible execution"? The idea was pretty good, you know.

Would you agree, somewhat, to that?

This film was a worse idea than those winky smiley faces and those colon no winky smiley faces and "LOL"s. I absolutely hated it.

Two rotting thumbs down.

loafergirl wrote:I can agree to that.

And the part where Hyde is telling Jekyll in the mirror about the high pitched sonics, only Jekyll doesn't know what he's going on about and therefore doesn't act on it -- that was kind of a neat little thing where the screenwriters were a brief step ahead of its audience for a change, right? That was kind of cool, wasn't it?

I can agree to that.

loafergirl wrote:My few good things to say about LoEG:
The costumes were cool, and so were some of the characters. It had a few humerous parts like the look on the gaurds face when he sees Mr Hyde. And when the invisible man gooses the vampiress.
Are you happy now?

What about when the vampire was licking up the blood off that one dude? HOT, right? Isn't that an additional "point" in its favor? Would you agree, somewhat, to that?

My few good things to say about LoEG:

The costumes were cool, and so were some of the characters. It had a few humerous parts like the look on the gaurds face when he sees Mr Hyde. And when the invisible man gooses the vampiress.

Are you happy now?

So, like, the movie poster and the premise for 28 Days After remind me of 12 Monkeys, which I really liked when I first saw it and didn't like so much the 2nd time. The first time, the relationship between Bruce Willis and Madeleine Stowe seemed real and touching; the 2nd time it seemed far-fetched.

I also really liked Blink, which also stars Madeleine Stowe. She seems to play really strong women (she also played a strong woman opposite John Travolta in The General's Daughter). Maybe that's a major part of why I liked the first two movies so much; because of her role in them. Kinda like how Jack Nicholson (or any number of actors like this) can only play himself, more or less; the same thing is perhaps at work with Madeleine Stowe.

One of the bartenders at the place across the street from my house liked LXG enough and said it reminded him of the kind of shlocky movies he would watch on Saturday afternoons at the movie house growing up.

loafergirl wrote: League wasn't that good Robb, just face it, I had high hopes for it or I wouldn't have dished out the cash for it, it just didn't live up to it's potential.

I just felt bad for it, and thought that somebody should stand up for it, somewhere, on the Internet. As "facts" weren't going to get the job done, I thought that volume might.

Do you agree with what I wrote up there? Because I can approximate an increase in volume by using the bold tags. I mean, doesn't XLG deserve someone out there, in this great, vast Internet of ours, to show it a little compassion?

Aren't you a compassionate person by nature? Can't you say one good thing about LXG? You know, the framing was very good when I saw it. What about when you saw it? Did you notice it at all? Possibly not? Well then! That's good, right? I mean, you could compliment it in that way, don'tcha think?

I mean, if a copy of the movie were here, right now and everything, I think it would be able to say something nice about you. I think that somewhere along the lines, people forgot the "Golden Rule" when it came to reviewing the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.

Wow, touchy subject....

Hey I'm entitled to my own opinion, which happened to agree with your own on the "Unbreakable" argument. League wasn't that good Robb, just face it, I had high hopes for it or I wouldn't have dished out the cash for it, it just didn't live up to it's potential.

-LG

Ha, that 'angels' joke is classic.

loafergirl wrote:League was.... sad.

NO! YOU'RE SAD!

Ity was very forced and too "fantastic"

NO! YOU'RE TOO "FANTASTIC!"

in the sense that a repair to the vessel in the middle of the sea left it in perfect condition.....

WHY DON'T YOU GO FOR A SWIM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SEA

when they had... what a day to fix it? There were no explainations or details unless critical to the plot.

NUTS TO YOUR PLOT. DO ALL GREAT FILMS NEED PLOT? WHAT'S THE "PLOT" IN KEN BURNS' FILM ABOUT BASEBALL? HUH? WHERE'S THE PLOT?

A lot of the camera angles rip you right out of the movie

THOSE CAMERA ANGLES ROCKED! MORE LIKE CAMERA ANGELS AM I RITE?

and make you wonder what the hell the director was thinking,

YOU TRY DIRECTING!

which I have NEVER felt in a movie before.

"THIS MOVIE MADE ME FEEL THINGS I'VE NEVER FELT BEFORE" -- L. GIRL. I DON'T SEE THE PROBLEM!

And a lot of the humor was very forced.

NO, YOU'RE FORCED!

It just didn't flow very well, the scenes are choppy.

YOU ARE!

I liked 28 days later it took a lot from other movies of it's kind, but it was so much cooler, and it really did tweak me out, which is very rare.

NO, YOU'RE TWEAK-- wait, I haven't seen this one yet.