Ah, well, we've all done things we weren't proud of, and no matter what, we'll treat you the same and continue rewarding and ostracizing the many things that make up Mr. Ben Parrish.

I have failed to let it go and move on.

:(

However, I have made great strides in that direction. Tonight, though, I couldn't help myself. I had to send that "one last email". I need CLOSURE, dammit.

Don't worry, I already regret sending the email. I suck. Everything you've all been thinking but only 80% of you had the gumption to say is true.

I suck.

[b][i]BANNED!![/i][/b]

[quote="Roody_Yogurt"]Wow, my sentence back there was pretty fnarked, wasn't it? Anyway, it probably can't hurt to follow Robb's advice. Stuff like that works, but some of us are more prone to get into existential slumps when that happens.[/quote]

You could always break into her house and masturbate into her sock drawer.

It always worked for me.

Bruce

Wow, my sentence back there was pretty fnarked, wasn't it? Anyway, it probably can't hurt to follow Robb's advice. Stuff like that works, but some of us are more prone to get into existential slumps when that happens.

[quote="pinback"]So how is that different from, "move on, let it go"?

Is it different?

[b][size=200][color=red][X][/color][/size][/b]

Not even just a little bit different?

[b][size=200][color=red][X][X][/color][/size][/b]

But Jonsey had a good point in there somewhere, didn't he?

[b][size=200][color=red][X][X][X][/color][/size][/b][/quote]

Fucker.

[quote="Worm"]EDIT: I had the chance to use the word reciprocate.[/quote]

Hey! Not bad. That's kind of a <strike>big</strike> <strike>five-dollar</strike> Klitchko-sized word there and all.

So how is that different from, "move on, let it go"?

Is it different?

[b][size=200][color=red][X][/color][/size][/b]

Not even just a little bit different?

[b][size=200][color=red][X][X][/color][/size][/b]

But Jonsey had a good point in there somewhere, didn't he?

[b][size=200][color=red][X][X][X][/color][/size][/b]

I think he means she reciprocates no feelings that feel towards her and if you simply keep that in your mind you probably can't keep on digging her.

EDIT: I had the chance to use the word reciprocate.

Maybe I misinterpreted Roody because the primary statement in his post:

[quote]
I'd try to keep in mind how little your weekend meant to your lady friend and use in your judgement of her and help you move forward with things.
[/quote]

...is not, technically, [i]English[/i], and I'm still not sure what the hell he meant.

You must be suffering Klitchko-magnitude delusions if you think *I* don't understand every last goddamn thing that happens on this BBS, so you can just reel in the whole "you poor, lost Pinback!" routine.

beep ... beep beep ... beep beep beep ... bop

ASK HER TO BE YOUR WIFE THEN WRITE ON PWC3 ABOUT IT!

--------------------------------
B.S.F.C.P.M
(Best Scenario For Content Prediction Machine)

[quote="pinback"]What are you talking about, Robb? I thought we'd agreed to move on, and let it go! Why, that's what I'm doing! I'm sitting here at my desk right now, thinking, "Boy, I sure am glad I moved on and let it go! This is [i]much[/i] better!"[/quote]

Yeah. That's what "we" agreed to. While I was asleep you managed to misinterpret what Roody said and get trolled for the second time in two days by Straw. That's definitely what I mean when "we" agree to somebody shutting up.


[quote]Of course, then I look down and see that I've been clenching my fists so hard that the fingernails have cut Klitchko-sized gouges out of my palms![/quote]

Klitchko as a scientific unit of measurement has just entered the lexicon and cant of this BBS and I will be using it CONSTANTLY. Excellent work!


[quote]Which is a particularly unfortunate place for them, these days! HA HA! Man, even through all this, I can still bring the comedy. I am [i]such[/i] a trooper!![/quote]

Yeah, something like that.

Hey, while I'm at it, let me give you the "Roody Yogurt FAQ." You seem to be in need of it.

Q: Who is Roody Yogurt?
A: Roody is a guy who has written a couple games and who is currently a poster on this very BBS.

Q: What games did he --
A: Look, just go to fucking Baf's, OK?

Q: Is there now, or will there ever be, a time when this... Roody... essentially tells a person to shut the fuck up and stop posting?
A: No. No! There will never be a time where he is telling someone to STFU, to go home, to leave a BBS, to fuck off and die, to kill themselves, nor to place duct tape over their mouth, eyes and hands in order to ensure that a person does not communicate over the Internet.

Q: But... but... but I thought that he was telling me thi--
A: You really are a simple and stupid man, you know that? Listen, you dumb son of a bitch, this is the OFFICIAL ROODY YOGURT FAQ. If you have so little respect for a FAQ's authority then I'm afraid we can't continue these discussions.

Q: Look. All I am saying is that, after quickly reading one of his posts, it seemed like he didn't want me to bring the content any longer.
A: This is not the case. You are wrong. You are a simple, stupid and ugly person.

Q: I... hey... that kind of hurts.
A: Well, this is a Frequently Asked Questions post, not a Frequently Asked Questions And Attempts To Save a Shred of Your Self Respect Post.

Q: When do those start?
A: Never. Go back to Fark.

What are you talking about, Robb? I thought we'd agreed to move on, and let it go! Why, that's what I'm doing! I'm sitting here at my desk right now, thinking, "Boy, I sure am glad I moved on and let it go! This is [i]much[/i] better!"

Of course, then I look down and see that I've been clenching my fists so hard that the fingernails have cut Klitchko-sized gouges out of my palms! Which is a particularly unfortunate place for them, these days! HA HA!

Man, even through all this, I can still bring the comedy. I am [i]such[/i] a trooper!!

[quote="Jack Straw"]Yay![/quote]

This is pretty damn funny.

Ben gave me a hard time because this place is so touchy-feely. Straw, Bruce and a few others (you know who you are) are, of course, not touchy-feely people and can exist in any BBS environment just like how I stated that Pinner and myself could.

Straw then goes out and starts giving Ben crap -- in a friendly way, no less!! -- and Ben shuts it down like Derek Bell during "[url=http://espn.go.com/mlb/columns/neyer_rob/1354729.html]Operation: Shutdown[/url]."

[quote="pinback"]A. Significantly increases the chances that she'll come to her senses, and (possibly more importantly):

B. Avoids further deteriorating your collective respect for me?

Anything at all? You know, that doesn't require a whole heck of a lot of effort on my part?
[/quote]

Yes. YES. Be seen with another girl.

All it takes to get this girl to be exclusively yours is for her to see you with somebody else.

I swear to God that what I am about to tell you is the truth: in college, I was chasing this redhead for a couple weeks. I got to know her, we messed around, blahblah. But she was a bit hesitant to permanently tune her TV to the 24 Hour Jonsey Channel: All Robb, All Day Long.

A friend of mine -- who was female, and who was also a friend of hers, and who introduced me to her -- expressed to her that, hey, if you aren't going to go after this guy then maybe I will.

Just like that a light switch went on over the redhead's head, and we ended up dating for my entire stay at SU. As soon as there was a perceived sense of competition she wanted to "win." More, she told me all of this and admitted to it freely.

There was a photograph of you on Monto Rusa where you were -- as Mustard -- surrounded by at least seven girls. For God's sake, man! You must be on friendly terms with ONE of them. The next time your group goes out, start flirting with this one. You have nothing to lose!

How many pages are on the Internet, do you think? Two billion? Two trillion? Two grillion? It's a lot. And I think it's safe to say that I have ... look, I'm not proud of this or anything, but out of all the pages out there, I've probably seen most of them. And the single* funniest guy out of them all is Benjamin "Pinback" Parrish. Confidence ought to be your last problem, especially when it comes to faux-flirting with somebody in order to get with somebody else.

Oh, also make sure that you're in peak shape physically, because that can only help you. [url=http://www.caltrops.com/pointy.php?action=viewPost&pid=14591]Here's[/url] a post to read that you can use as a sort of checklist in that regard. But I have confidence that you are dressing well, looking well, smelling well, smiling well and cracking the comedy eggs wide open over a sizzling griddle.

If I meet you in Vegas and find out that you are in fact 4'8" or even worse, shorter than the Dashboard Confessional guy, or if we discern that your voice is like Victoria Jackson's or even worse, like the Dashboard Confessional guy's then all this is going to make me very angry because it's like trying to figure out who tunneled under the bank when the skylight has been shattered. Come on now, dammit! THE FUNNIEST FUCKER ON THE INTERNET OUGHT TO GET WEEKENDS LIKE LAST EVERY SINGLE DAMN TIME HE GOES OUT.


* The OMM and AP2 sites, after all, were done by more than one person. You had no such help, unless you're counting Elisabeth White's Warren in the comedy department, which I don't.

Yay!

Nope, too late. No more girl crap for you people. You told me to move on, let it go, and BAM! Moving-on, Letting-it-go story!

I meant [i]move forward with the content[/i]. I cannot wait to see what heart-broken wacky antics pop up next !!

[quote]
LET IT GO
move forward with things
[/quote]

Well, [i]that's[/i] boring. I hope you realize you're cutting yourself off from a potentially very rich and entertaining source of [b]content[/b], but if that's how you want it!

I'd try to keep in mind how little your weekend meant to your lady friend and use your judgement of her to help you move forward with things. Best case scenario, you get to the point where she doesn't have such an effect on you, where you also would be back in the most rational mind and be able to deal with things especially if they start going well. Worst case scenario, you let this lady continue to have a hold over you and you beat yourself up repeatedly and you play whatever tricks you can whenever she feels like throwing a bone.