by AArdvark » Wed Jan 01, 2020 2:39 pm
I do not believe Die Hard is a Christmas movie. Since the beginning of December there have been a LOT of Hallmark movies on in teh AArdvark house and I have learned some stuff about Christmas movies, mostly by osmosis. If Die Hard were a Christmas movie, the protagonist, who we'll call Jen McLean, had a break-up with her boyfriend (called Hollywood) and drove back to her small home town where she would try to put down roots again. She would start a small business, a coffee shop or a book/bagel shop in the Nakatomi plaza. She would hire a local handyman (and police officer), who we'll call Al Powell, and together they would start the interior construction work.
The evil businessman, named Hans Gruber, is secretly in talks with a land developer named Joe Takagi and the only thing stopping Hans' plans is Jen McLean's new business, which is doing very well. Jen McLean would start to fall in love with officer Al, even though they are 'only good friends'. friends who drink hot chocolate together and go ice skating together. There has to be ice skating and hot chocolate in every Hallmark Christmas movie, it's a MUST.
Jen McLean's ex, Hollywood, shows up at that point and says that he's really, really sorry for their break up and wants to get back together. Naturally Hollwood and Al are cordially distant with each other, but not openly hostile (this is a Christmas movie after all). Now it's time for Jen McLean's big Christmas Eve choice. Which person will she pledge her love to, the ex lover Hollywood or the old good friend Al Powell.
Meanwhile Hans and his band of bad guys, who all wear black leather jackets and turtleneck sweaters, sneak into Jen McLean's book/bagel/coffee shop and plant a bomb or something equally ridiculous. Somehow Jen McLean and Al Powell stop Hans' plot just in time. The bad guys go away in handcuffs (in the blue flash of police car lights) and Jen and Al pronounce their everlasting love just in time for the credit roll.
That's what Die Hard would be if it were a Christmas movie
THE
ROUGH DRAFT
AARDVARK
I do not believe Die Hard is a Christmas movie. Since the beginning of December there have been a LOT of Hallmark movies on in teh AArdvark house and I have learned some stuff about Christmas movies, mostly by osmosis. If Die Hard were a Christmas movie, the protagonist, who we'll call Jen McLean, had a break-up with her boyfriend (called Hollywood) and drove back to her small home town where she would try to put down roots again. She would start a small business, a coffee shop or a book/bagel shop in the Nakatomi plaza. She would hire a local handyman (and police officer), who we'll call Al Powell, and together they would start the interior construction work.
The evil businessman, named Hans Gruber, is secretly in talks with a land developer named Joe Takagi and the only thing stopping Hans' plans is Jen McLean's new business, which is doing very well. Jen McLean would start to fall in love with officer Al, even though they are 'only good friends'. friends who drink hot chocolate together and go ice skating together. There has to be ice skating and hot chocolate in every Hallmark Christmas movie, it's a MUST.
Jen McLean's ex, Hollywood, shows up at that point and says that he's really, really sorry for their break up and wants to get back together. Naturally Hollwood and Al are cordially distant with each other, but not openly hostile (this is a Christmas movie after all). Now it's time for Jen McLean's big Christmas Eve choice. Which person will she pledge her love to, the ex lover Hollywood or the old good friend Al Powell.
Meanwhile Hans and his band of bad guys, who all wear black leather jackets and turtleneck sweaters, sneak into Jen McLean's book/bagel/coffee shop and plant a bomb or something equally ridiculous. Somehow Jen McLean and Al Powell stop Hans' plot just in time. The bad guys go away in handcuffs (in the blue flash of police car lights) and Jen and Al pronounce their everlasting love just in time for the credit roll.
That's what Die Hard would be if it were a Christmas movie
THE
ROUGH DRAFT
AARDVARK