The Good Bits (June, 2023)
June 15th, 2023 by Ice Cream Jonsey

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My mother is 80 and not able to remember the difference between craigslist, the online garage sale site, and John List, who was a famous criminal that went on the run in the 1970s and ended up working for Xerox in Rochester. The way I have been helping her recall which is which is to remember that John List was the guy who killed his three kids, wife and mother because he saw “too much evil in the world.” So of the two, you just have to remember that there are many, many more murders out there thanks to craigslist.

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The fight scene between Roddy Piper and Keith David in “They Live” is five minutes and twenty seven seconds long, and I would like to introduce a concept I am working on called the “They Live Fight Scene American Family Index.” Here’s how it goes:

It’s a happiness index for people living in households with spouses/significant others, pets and/or children. To determine the index, first wake up on a weekday at a time of choosing that, if it were you to you, would absolutely not be the time you chose. Work an entire day to the benefit of your family and help anyone and anything solve the problems they come with to you. After cooking supper, go to your bed and attempt to lay in it while the entirety of the fight scene from “They Live” plays. If you are not able to do so without some interminable form of drama requiring your immediate attention, then you should not be counted in the death index should a nuclear weapon detonate near you, as you are clearly in a better place now and happier for it.

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One of my favorite things is seeing my nephew on Sundays. He is just about two. I had to start cleaning the garage last Sunday, so he was inside of it playing pinball as best he can and a few games. The one “game” he wanted to play most, though, was the big white button inside the garage that makes the garage door go up and down.

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Twitter Alternative Roundup! does not let you see anyone’s followers or who they are following. That … is the best way to add people on any such platform. No? I guess they think we’re just going to type “Zork” in the search bar every 24 hours to see who signed up? The people that got to a social media platform before you did will make connections and find people you probably like and then — if you can see those lists — you can follow those people. They don’t have that. By design. It is a laughably stupid decision. It’s a decision kids would make. I’ve connected with 2 people. cohost is not a serious website.

Mastodon makes seeing followers difficult through mobile and following people through the desktop site difficult. It won’t always show you who people are following on mobile, and on desktop if you CAN see followers, it wants you to… login to a shard you’re not on… maybe? It’s pretty bad and it is by design. That said, I have connected to like 200 people, almost all of whom are retro computer or console types. The experience is great but it could be better.

BlueSky is doing the “invite” thing, and the people that have been invited, ahhhhhhhhhh aren’t my people. By that I mean that there is nobody in my communities except for the guy that invited me. For those people that are there, there aren’t any “Nazis” for them to punch, so the site is totally overrun with people wishing they had their sworn enemy “other” around so they could totally dunk on them. Those are the promoted posts, people ostensibly wishing for any enemy. Hey, ever since we pirated Castle Wolfenstein as a family I’ve been all for shooting a Nazi in the head, but they aren’t THERE. The problem is solved. They did it. If you’re wishing for a steady stream of enemies to be around to be happy then you’re the problem.

And this is where I realize that when it comes to social media, I am my own problem. Twitter wasn’t perfect pre-acquisition, it had many many problems. Many, many problems. Fundamental issues a child of four could have solved. If any actual competent businessman bought the company, the lack of features and issues Twitter had could even have been fixed. Well, not moderation, but many other things could be fixed! It will never be fixed. All I’ve wanted since my father brought home a modem was to read the things said online by people I like. We are farther from that than ever.

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