|Video Game News From Trotting Krips|
Old News - Now Archived
This was on Fatbabies.com this week:
"Electronic Arts today unveiled a branding strategy that they claim will unite the company's nine businesses behind consistent new imagery. The world's largest developer and publisher of interactive entertainment is introducing the new unified branding and logo strategy to align its studios and publishing groups with its new online business under a single branding umbrella. Hundreds of games and franchises will be impacted--everything from sports to casual games. In the first phase of the new branding initiative, all retail bundling and promotions will be unified under three brand logos: EA Sports, EA Games and EA.com, the latter of which is scheduled to debut late this summer as the exclusive provider of interactive entertainment on the AOL Games Channel. Retailers and media will be introduced to EA's new graphics at E3.
The unified branding concept will extend
beyond product wrapping and promotions. This fall, when consumers purchase new EA titles,
a clear and consistent set of in-game images will move them through start up screens and
into the games. A new interface is being engineered to ensure the games are more
accessible for both novices and veterans. The consistent imagery and interface of EA
titles will allow experienced users to get into games faster and beginners to browse the
opening screens to learn more about the rules. (taken from the NewsWire)"
ASSHOLES. Only they would try to make the fixing of a
decade's worth of the most abysmal and patently shitass startup screens some form of
glorious event for gamers.
You know what would really help, EA? No, besides refraining from bullying Garriott into releasing his games before they are ready. No, besides not shipping a hockey game with a money play each year. No, besides refusing to have out-of-the-box TCP/IP game support for FIFA 2000. No, besides totally shitcanning Starflight III. No, besides triX0ring the Moto Racer team into receiving no actual money. No, besides denying a 7-round college draft in Madden. No, besides limiting career leagues to 15 years total in Madden. No, besides picking a different position each year to fucking dominate all others in NBA Live each year. No, besides making the cornerbacks automatically jump when a receiver attempts to catch a pass in Madden '97, thus rendering the game unplayable in two-person mode. No, besides sucking the dick of Gravis. No, besides removing doubles and triples from Triple Play. No, aside from choosing Glide over OpenGL. No, besides running Dynamix and Radical out of business with your filthy, lazy product. No, besides terminating the Crusader, Wing Commander and Privateer series. No, besides destroying every last iota of gameplay that Road Rash for the Genesis had and diluting the line. No, besides the presumption of arrogance and constant trumpeting that the Dreamcast is absolutely destined to fail simply because of your lack of miserable games. No, besides roster updates done for all your sports games by guys who have absolutely no idea that possibly, just possibly, William Roaf is the best left tackle in the fucking game today and maybe his rating should be above '75'. No, besides, the poorly sampled starved banshee wailing that makes up the NHL 2000 opening 'soundtrack.' No, besides trying to emulate a supposed 'cartridge load' by having the irritating 'it's in the game' screen pop up followed by five seconds of nothing.
No, you know what would fucking help? A simple 80x25 text screen with mouse support -- that could display on a PCjr -- that lets me quickly and easily select all the options I wanted without constantly hitting some 'next' command.
Not some whorishly imagined gala event where -- oooooh! -- we're all supposed to be impressed with your overblown, yet similar, setup screens.
EA? FUCK YOU, you disturbingly mediocre ragtag band of starved guttersluts.