The Mailbag

For some strange reason, this perfectly ordinary, average, run-of-the-mill interactive fiction review page receives an abundance of weird electronic mail, often coming from faked addresses. Why this is I cannot tell you. I personally found much of the mail we were getting to be quite hilarious, so I decided to open up this cool mailbag section and print a few especially notable epistles. Hopefully, I'll put up a new one every week, but we need your letters to be able to do so! So keep 'em coming - preferably to Below lies our first edition: a compilation of strange and semi-intesting rambles received during our first month of existence. Our replies to the messages(if any) are in italics. Beware: some messages we receive and post in the mailbag contain colorful language, though not so colorful that the webmasters of this site are offended. You, however, may be more sensitve than us, so beware.

Dear Trotting Krips:

I enjoyed the reviews and all, but the site is WAY TOO SMALL!! How can you call yourself an interactive fiction reviews site when you don't even have games like "So Far..." or ANY of Graham Nelson's games reviewed? Geez, guys, get YOUR ACT TOGETHER OR GET PACKING. We don't care about stupid games like "Knight Orc" or "Breath of Fresh Blair" that nobody's ever heard of, so why do you even bother to review them? What people want from a IF review site is interesting, enjoyable, and informative reviews of the CLASSICS. Who the hell wants to read all this crap about games nobody would want to play anyway? I'm going to look elsewhere for what I want.

- Kevin H.

Oh, criticism! *Bryan bursts into tears* First of all, Kev, this site is rather new. We're just two guys...there's no way we can review EVERYTHING. Plotkin and Nelson will undoubtedly be reviewed more in the future, but there's a lot of other great games by other great authors that we may decide to review first. As for your comment on our reviewing "stupid games", I don't see where you are coming from at all. Are you saying that every review on the site should be positive and complimentary? How would people know about the genuinely bad games that aren't worth playing, then? Reviews exist in order to supply opinions and information - bad reviews are often just as informative, if not more so, than good ones.

Dear Trotting Krips:

Hi, Bryan and Robb! I think the site is excellent. I love the reviews and the style in which you guys write them. That Robb guy in particular cracks me up, and the reader commentary section is really great. I was absolutely rolling on the floor laughing while reading the Zork and Annoyotron pages and seeing the hilarious feedback some of the crazier visitors left! Someday, maybe I'll be brave enough to write a few comments on my own. In the meantime, I hope you guys keep up the good work. I'll be visiting regularly!

- The Holy Seed

I had to put this one up, because, you see, we don't often get praiseworthy E-mail like this. Blame it on our bantering style - nobody likes a critic! Thanks for the letter, oh-you-of-the-strange-handle - be brave and send in some comments soon!

Dear Trotting Krips:

I am a Leather Goddess from Phobos who has been locked inside the body of a human male. I would like to tell my story, but I fear it is too long a tale to recite without incurring your boredom. Nevermind how I came to be in this tedious, tortuous state I am now in. It is my sincere hope that you may have some clues that might guide me out of this horrid predictament. Please Help!!! I spend my days drinking massive amounts of vodka, masturbating, watching reruns of Sally Jesse Raphael, and playing Steve Merlitzsky's "Leather Goddesses of Phobos", the only connection I have to my native planet. I'm losing my mind. Can't you help me???

- Nasser

I am ever ready to rescue a damsel in distress, even an alien damsel stuck in a man's body. Nassar, I highly suggest you canter on over to the lowest prices on chartered space flights to the planet Phobos anywhere!

Dear Trotting Krips:

h3y d00dz, my friend recently found this c00l original rare copy of lane mastodon in his weird uncle's attic. totally fuckin' awesome, right? but we cant get the damned thing to work right on his or my pc. its like the wordz just go by at a million miles per hour, and the drawings move so fast its like watching a fucking movie in fast forward. what do we have to do? we cant wait to play the game cuz you know inf0c0m r00lz and this game has animations and crap and its basically unknown. so help a guy out, d00dz, and tell us what we need to do

- th3 s3x h0ax{}{}

You need a copy of Moslo or some other slow down utility to run Infocomics on a modern PC at the proper speed, I believe. includes a copy with their free downloadable copy of "Lane Mastodon", but I'm sure you can find it elsewhere too if you use a search engine.

Dear Trotting Krips:

Your site is a pathetic excuse for an interactive fiction review site. Judging from the grammar and intelligence level shown in your "reviews", I doubt very much that you have the ability to understand the complex and brilliant prose and poetics used by such great writers as Adam Cadre, Andrew Plotkin, Graham Nelson, and Conrad Button. Please move back inside the cave you crawled out of. Interactive fiction does not need your kind.

Anne Corlova

Gee. What can I say to such unadulterated and unrestrained praise? I'm just glad that somebody appreciates us!

Dear Trotting Krips:

Hello, Krips. I was wonder if you could help me maybe with finding Infocom games in Spain. Is it possible? Where should I start looking?

- Sergi Antonio Marin(Cadiz, Spain)

Yeah, I'm the guy to ask if you're looking for Infocom games in Spain. Seriously, I doubt that too many ten-twenty year old computer games are available in the mass market anywhere - right now, the best way to find Infocom games is through the Internet... doesn't matter whether you're from America or Fiji or Australia. Try a search for "Infocom" at one or more of the online auction houses(, perhaps?) for starters. Then maybe head over to "Ye Olde Infocomme Shoppe"(available through the Trotting Krip link section) and see what they have.

Dear Trotting Krips:

Hi. I'm really pissed that there is a review of Al Lowe's "Leisure Suit Larry In The Land of the Lounge Lizards" up and no reviews of my series for Sierraw Onlinew, "Singh's West." People say I don't have a sense of humor. Screw them! I DO have a sense of humor! And Al Lowe has a big fat hairy ass!!

- Robertaw Williamsaw

I've never even heard of this "Singh's West" thing. Anybody?

Dear Trotting Krips:

Nice site!! I really dig what the Krips be tryin' to do here. I'm all for bringing da gamez to da peeps, you hear what I'm sayin'? Yeah, I know you do. Shush up or I'll bust a cap up yo ass! Okay, enough of that crap. I really like the site so far, but I get the feeling that it's not going to get the same kind of widespread support from the "interactive fiction" community that SPAG and XYZZY have. It's just...uhh..I'm not sure that many people into this hobby have a great sense of humor. Having written a few(three) intelligent, sarcastic anti-establishment adventure games myself over the past couple of years, I know first hand what it is like to be rejected by one's peers just because you're talkin' 'bout something they don't "get." But you two guys keep it up! This hobby needs a few laughs every now and then. I mean, do we really want to spend the rest of our lives trying to figure out the "complicated" time/event sequences in the last part of Anchorhead? Shoot, man, there's a hell of a lot more to life than that, and I totally hate these reviewers who act like interactive fiction is their whole life and proceed to kiss every famous writer of IF's ass over and over again during the course of a thirty page review. If you can't laugh about interactive fiction of all stupid things, then what the hell can you laugh about? These are just computer games we're talking about! Who really cares? Let's just smoke marijuana and have lots of cool fun!


Sheez, do we get some weird E-mail or what? Now you know what it's like to be a Trotting Krip. Nah, Tyler's message is pretty cool. It made me larf.

Dear Trotting Krips:

in planetfall there is a robot named FLOID. in Stationfall there is alwao a robot named FLOID. Why did both of those games have the same name for the robot that seems kinda of stupid if you ask me?

why is there no FLOID in supended?

-James Tubbs

It has been mathematically proven that all robots ever created in print or in reality have in fact been named "Marvin." I recommend that you read Douglas Adams' brilliant exposition on the subject entitled, "All Robots Are In Fact Named Marvin." It seems that all references to robots with other names have in fact been typos, or intentionally encrypted variations of the name "Marvin." Good food for thought. The grandson of Karel Capek(the brilliant Czech writer who introduced the word "robot", derived from the Czech "robota", to the world) has completely accepted Douglas Adams' brilliant essay, and in fact has written his own in support of Adams' original thesis. It is entitled, "I, Too, Think That All Robots Are In Fact Named Marvin." To answer your question, "FLOID" is Swahili for "Marvin." Really! I can't answer your second question, as I've never played "Subpoenaed." Wasn't it written in Alan by some Danish guy?

Back to the main page, eh!