Kill Justin by William Mistretta(1999)

The Evil, Ugly Guy On My Shoulder's Verdict: Hey, this game is pretty cool. I'm looking forward to next month's release of the special "Jeffrey Dahmer" patch. Why just kill Justin when you can eat him, too?

The Nice, Handsome Guy On My Shoulder's Verdict: I did not know people could be so cruel. Horrible. I shield my eyes from such harshness.

My Verdict: This game permanently changed the way I view fratricide. Justin...PREPARE TO DIE!

Game Information

Game Type: AGT

Author Info: I don't know anything about this guy, but I like his name. William, you know, he don't mistretta the ladies, you understand? He makes them feel real special. Takes them out, gives them champagne. He's a real gentleman.

Download Link: Here

The Review...

One of the most wonderful things about interactive fiction in this day and age is that just about anybody(and I mean ANYBODY) can write a text adventure if they wish to do so, and other people will want to play that text adventure when it's done no matter how crappy and unplayable it might turn out to be. What do you need to write a text adventure? A computer, some freely downloadable tools, time, and inspiration. That's all it takes. You don't need to be a programming guru, a graphic design genius, or - heck - even a good writer. You just gotta have a dream, baby...and that's all. So, William Mistretta had a dream. It was a slightly screwed up, disturbing little dream, yes, but it was HIS. We each have our own unique, twisted vision of the universe which we can choose to share with others or hide from them. William chose to show his to the interactive fiction playing audience at large, and for that, I admire him. However...let's not beat about the bush here. This game is most definitely about murdering your(William's) step brother. Call it juvenile, offensive, and pointless if you must - you have every right to do so. But don't call it unoriginal or uninspired, because you're just not going to find another game like this anywhere else in the IF archive. Kill Justin is the definitive text adventure about offing your annoying step-brother. It has that niche covered. Of course, just because something is original and unusual doesn't necessarily make it good. In this case, however, the game is pretty good in its special way, though probably acceptable entertainment only for open-minded YOU!

So, here's how the game works. You have hit points. Justin has hit points. You try to win by damaging Justin, and avoid doing things that hurt you. When Justin runs out of hit points, he's dead. If you run out of hit points, you're dead. There are numerous ways to achieve victory using the wildly diverse assortment of deadly weapons, chemicals, and kitchen implements at your disposal(scattered throughout the home in which you and Justin live)...purportedly you can even win the game in just six turns, though I haven't yet(it seems like it would be REALLY hard). Much of what you do in this game, then, is pick up various weaponry and attack Justin with them. Luckily, however, there is more depth to the game than might be surmised at first glance - if you explore around the house, you'll find several hidden unrelated game sections which will require actual puzzle solving to overcome. But the basic game isn't that hard to win - thanks to a Revenger like bug, just about anybody can kill Justin if they know what to do with a can of gasoline and a single(ha ha!) unlit match. For the most part, the Kill Justin playing experience is an entertaining one, and the replay value is very high.

One thing, though: I can't really figure out why the author of this game hates Justin so much, because Justin the character in the game just sits on the couch playing Street Fighter 2 all day. This guy is freaking pathetic... you can chop off his ear with a katana and he won't even NOTICE. I mean, geez. But, still, why hate him? If anything, we should be pitying him. Bringing him flowers, taking him for walks in the park, singing Irish drinking songs to him. Where the hell is "Pity Justin"??!?!?! That's what I want to know. At any rate, the game is solid if the controversial subject matter appeals to you. The writing is fine throughout and in fact quite good in places(the brutal, cartoonish depictions of violence are very amusing, for instance), though decidedly unpretentious, low-key, typical AGT fare. The parsing isn't perfect(though the latest release of the game was put out in 1999, it was written with the original version of AGT), and in certain stages of the game there will certainly be some minor guess-the-verb work to do, but the parser is by no means a debilitating weakness. Perhaps the best thing about the game is its zany, absurdist atmosphere, but to understand that, you would have to play the game for yourself. So. Do. It. Tomorrow.

Yeah, tomorrow! Tomorrow is going to be a beautiful, beautiful day.

B>Simple Rating: 6/10

Complicated Rating: 30/50

Story: 4/10

Writing: 6/10

Playability: 5/10

Puzzle Quality: 5/10

Parser Responsiveness: 4/10

Special Ratings For This Game

Replayability: 7/10

Fratricidal Content: 10/10

Character Development of Arch-Nemesis: -11/10

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