Death To My Enemies / Roody Yogurt (1999)

Shaylara, The Syphilitic Adventure Whore's Verdict: Yah. This guy's name is really "Roody Yogurt." So's my p!mp.

Captain America's Verdict: Son, we don't roll around the corpses of our fallen comrades like Max Pie Carpeting.

My Verdict: Will we ever see a serious superhero game?

The Review...

OK. Did I miss something? I missed something. I know I did. I played a Superhero game without knowing the name of the Superhero I played.


OK. Agents of Justice was cancelled by Microprose after E3 a couple years ago, when everyone at Microprose was telling us it would be released. Because DOS games suck? No. Because it was serious. It wasn't tongue-in-cheek.

The Superhero games that got released that didn't suck were, ah, Superhero League of Hoboken. The Frenetic Five Versus Sturm Und Drang. Um. OK, no wait, I know there are more. That Avengers arcade game was OK, I guess.

So here is Death To My Enemies. It's fun, it's got a corpse, it's got a super-villain, it's got a super-villain sidekick... it's also extremely short. As in, six rooms short. OK, so it wasn't as serious as the fricking Dark Knight. I can, seriously, accept that. If we were allowed to play the back-story leading up to Snam's death then this game could have easily crushed everything in the competition. What's actually in the game is presented flawlessly. There are some crazy puzzles, surprisingly well-developed enemies (insomuch as it's surprising that a solid amount of characterization was done in so little time) and a general sense of great fun.

Regarding the puzzles: I will confess that I needed to consult the hint guide in order to solve them. It just didn't occur to me to do what I had to do with Snam's body. But it did makes sense that manipulating it in the required way would solve a later puzzle. Here, the lack of backstory definitely hurts Death To My Enemies. If we had known that the hero had sort of a cavalier attitude toward his sidekick, then we would be faulted for not thinking that it's OK to do nasty things to the carcass.

This game definitely needs to be expanded; added to. What we've got so far is a terrific start (or, rather, a terrific ending) so if you're looking for positive feedback here it is. But don't tease us and go away, like someone's slurping, fully-lipped, pouting, perky-breasted, virginal girlfriend who all of a sudden remembers that she has to be back at Catholic school.Because that's what playing this game was like. If a computer game can metaphorically sexually frustrate you, then Death To My Enemies will induce a terminal case of blue balls.



Simple Rating: 7.1 / 10

Complicated Rating:

Story: 8.5  / 10

Writing: 8.0 / 10

Playability: 6.0 / 10

Puzzle Quality: 6.9  / 10

Parser Responsiveness: 5.0 / 10

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