My Plan to Turn the Dominant Interactive Fiction Subculture in On Itself

It was a smoky, sultry summer's evening. A maniacal, obsessed downloader was running rampage through the hallowed walls of Onward through the site he continued, pillaging through hundreds of directories yet never finding anything to satisfy him. Suddenly, he spotted a directory which interested him - one which interested him VERY much.


Note: this is only a simulation. Do NOT try this at home.

TITLE: FTP directory /if-archive/interpreters-other at

FTP directory /if-archive/interpreters-other at

Up to higher level directory

05/07/98 12:00AM            750 Index

04/04/96 12:00AM          4,790 RAIF-POOL.announce

07/11/96 12:00AM      Directory adl

07/16/96 12:00AM      Directory adms

01/20/98 12:00AM      Directory advbuilder

11/27/95 12:00AM      Directory advent

05/30/95 12:00AM      Directory adventura

10/01/97 12:00AM      Directory advsys

07/26/98 12:00AM      Directory agi

06/14/95 12:00AM      Directory agifg

07/18/99 07:40PM      Directory agt

02/13/99 08:07PM      Directory alan

11/27/95 12:00AM      Directory archetype

07/21/94 12:00AM      Directory aventuro

06/26/97 12:00AM      Directory caecho

07/24/97 12:00AM      Directory cutra

06/28/94 12:00AM      Directory debuggers

02/12/96 12:00AM      Directory drool

01/10/99 12:00AM      Directory editors

03/16/93 12:00AM      Directory figment

02/23/93 12:00AM      Directory gags

04/09/97 12:00AM      Directory gamescape

11/07/98 12:00AM      Directory general-discussion

10/28/96 12:00AM      Directory ginas

07/17/99 04:43PM      Directory glk

11/13/95 12:00AM      Directory gtac

07/18/99 10:50AM      Directory hugo

03/06/97 12:00AM             31 inform5.5

03/06/97 12:00AM             29 inform6

07/17/99 02:22PM      Directory jacl

07/21/95 12:00AM      Directory lads

09/12/97 12:00AM      Directory nmp

01/05/93 12:00AM      Directory oasys

06/12/99 07:28PM      Directory quest

08/04/93 12:00AM      Directory questmaker

10/19/96 12:00AM      Directory rexx-adventure

06/26/97 12:00AM      Directory sintac

03/31/98 12:00AM      Directory skc

07/17/99 04:09PM      Directory tads

07/13/99 02:13AM      Directory textopia

12/08/97 12:00AM      Directory worldbuilder


(Author's Note: Crap, you don't think plagiarising is illegal, do you? Uh-oh).

Yes, yes, yes. All these interpreters awaiting attention. All those games waiting to be written. Slowly, methodically, the invader downloaded each and every interpret featured on the FTP site, aside from a few Spanish ones, that is. This took him a long time. He twiddled his thumbs and danced the mazurka by himself in the meanwhile. When all was completed and the plan was in place, the invader beat a hasty retreat from - amazingly, he covered his tracks well enough that no one knew of his evil deeds and his eviller plans...yet.

With all these interpreters downloaded and unzipped into their individual directories upon the invader's extra-secret interactive fiction ZIP disk, the real challenge was to begin. Each interpreter had a manual the approximate size of War & Peace but they were written by authors who showed none of Count Tolstoy's intelligence and writing ability. But this countercultural warrior was not about to give up so easy. Hah! He rotted many a brain cell going through each prodigiously lengthy manual. He learned many new and exciting things. All was ready, for the third phase of the plan to commence.

For this, quiet was required. He dimmed the lights, shut off his computer, got out his pipe, and began puffing at medium speed. The days passed by, but he would not give up. The ideas had to come. There were still so many games yet to be written. So many AGI and ADL games never dreamt of before. The ideas would come. They had to - all of his work would be for nought if he could not think of any new ideas for adventure games.

He's still waiting for his great ideas to come. Loser! In the meantime, you, the commandant of the interactive fiction establishment, should be very, very afraid.

This story will be continued. Maybe.

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