[RECIPE] Salsa Chicken. Or: Cooking is bullshit.

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[RECIPE] Salsa Chicken. Or: Cooking is bullshit.

Post by pinback » Sun Jun 28, 2020 4:06 pm

My early twenties, I think, is when I first got interested in cooking. I mean, I was always interested in eating, obviously, but that was the point where it seemed cool to learn how to actually make the stuff, and then eventually, you could use that skill to get laid.

Well, I did the first part, and largely failed on the second. But it was always an interest. This website is littered with the fruits of my various labors.

Tonight was the night I realized this was all a ridiculous waste of time.

My wife got home from work the other day and said that this new vet tech had passed along a recipe. This is how it was stated to me: "Get some chicken, throw it in a crock pot with some black beans, garlic, taco seasoning and salsa."

Sure, I added my own touches. Some corn. A few different kinds of salsa. Some leftover Hatch chiles. But it was essentially just what was ordered. Some chicken, some salsa, some prepackaged shit seasoning, and about four hours.

We all agreed it was the best thing we'd eaten here in years.

Cooking is bullshit, all of these recipes are bullshit. Everything is a load of horseshit. Just throw crap in a slow cooker with salsa and taco seasoning and enjoy your life.

Pinback out.
Above all else... We shall go on... And continue!

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Re: [RECIPE] Salsa Chicken. Or: Cooking is bullshit.

Post by AArdvark » Sun Jun 28, 2020 4:35 pm

Your diet is slowly consuming the fun parts of your life. Take heed, mein freund, take heed!

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Re: [RECIPE] Salsa Chicken. Or: Cooking is bullshit.

Post by pinback » Sun Jun 28, 2020 4:39 pm

This is not diet friendly, it's just awesome. And easy, which a busy man like me appreciates.
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Re: [RECIPE] Salsa Chicken. Or: Cooking is bullshit.

Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Sun Jun 28, 2020 5:31 pm

Okay, guess I'm making this this week. What kind of (scrolls up) TACO SEASONING should I (etc)
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Re: [RECIPE] Salsa Chicken. Or: Cooking is bullshit.

Post by pinback » Sun Jun 28, 2020 5:35 pm

Taco Bell taco seasoning is the best. It doesn't make any sense. Everything else they do is horrible. But their taco seasoning is clearly the best.

I served it with plain white rice, cooked with a splash of salt and olive oil, with a little lime juice mixed in at the end, and some avocado and cilantro for garnish. But let's be honest, it'd be just as good standing over the crock pot shoveling it straight into your creeping maw like a goddamn animal.
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Re: [RECIPE] Salsa Chicken. Or: Cooking is bullshit.

Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Sun Jun 28, 2020 8:14 pm

I will be doing that, consider it the pre-trailed for Creeping Maw.
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Re: [RECIPE] Salsa Chicken. Or: Cooking is bullshit.

Post by Billy Mays » Sun Jun 28, 2020 8:51 pm

What cuts of chicken did you use? Did you brown the chicken before putting it in the crock pot?

I remember making chicken paprikash in a crock pot once and pouring it over dumplings. I couldn't find any chicken once it was done because it all melted into the greatest chicken sauce I've ever had in my entire life, it would have gone great with actual tender chunks of chicken...

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Re: [RECIPE] Salsa Chicken. Or: Cooking is bullshit.

Post by pinback » Mon Jun 29, 2020 4:38 am

Billy Mays wrote:
Sun Jun 28, 2020 8:51 pm
What cuts of chicken did you use?


I used 2 pounds of boneless, skinless chicken breasts. I shredded them at the end of the cooking time, and mixed them back in the delicious sauce to soak up every last bit of flavor. Which it did.
Did you brown the chicken before putting it in the crock pot?
No sir.
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Re: [RECIPE] Salsa Chicken. Or: Cooking is bullshit.

Post by Flack » Mon Jun 29, 2020 4:50 am

Unrelated to this recipe, I plan to use the term "chicken sauce" in the bedroom tonight.
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Re: [RECIPE] Salsa Chicken. Or: Cooking is bullshit.

Post by Tdarcos » Mon Jun 29, 2020 6:45 am

Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:
Sun Jun 28, 2020 8:14 pm
I will be doing that, consider it the pre-trailed for Creeping Maw.
Can we expect Creeping Maw to be a character in Crypozookeeper?
"I said, ooh, I'm blinded by the lights
No, I can't sleep until I feel your touch."
-The Weeknd, Blinding Lights

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