A preview of the next book

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AArdvark
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A preview of the next book

Post by AArdvark » Tue May 19, 2020 4:32 pm

Sort of a teaser trailer....Enjoy!


CHAPTER XXV.

"I hope you all realize," said Henry Skankly-Bush as they sat at the dinner table, "that next weekend is the Dickweed Fair, and that you will all be expected to help."

"Heavens!" cried Hagatha. "Already? I had forgotten all about it.
What a nightmare! Couldn't you put a stop to it, Henry?"

Mr. Skankly-Bush sighed and shook his head. "Alas," he said, "I fear
I cannot. I should have liked to put an end to it years ago; but
the claims of Charity are strong."

"It's not charity we want," Anne murmured, "it's justice."

"Besides," Henry went on, "the Fair has become an
institution. Let me see, it must be twenty-two years since we
started it. It was a modest affair then. Now..." he made a
sweeping movement with his hand and was silent.

It spoke highly for Mr. Skankly-Bush's public spirit that he still
continued to tolerate the Fair. Beginning as a sort of glorified
bazaar, Oyke Manor's yearly Dickweed Fair had grown into a noisy
thing of rides, cocoa-nut bowling, and miscellaneous side
shows--a real genuine carnival. All the people of all the neighboring villages,
even a contingent from the next county, flocked into the
park for their amusement. The local hospital profited handsomely from the cdb medicines derived from the dickweed plants, and it was this which prevented Mr. Skankly-Bush from putting a stop to the yearly nuisance which he had helped create.

"I've made all the arrangements already," Henry went on. "Some of the larger tents will be put up to-morrow. The dingle-swings and the vomit-go-round will arrive on Sunday."

"There's no escape," said Anne, turning to the rest of the party. "Everyone has to help out. I call dibs on the slurp tent. It's not fair Mary gets that job every year."

The biggest tips were to be had in the slurp tent and they both knew it.

"But I've been doing it since I was fifteen," Mary protested.

"My dear," said Hagatha, "there are more important things than the slurp tent. Let someone else do it for a change. I shall do my part to encourage the villagers by handing out tuppence bags."

Tuppence bags were small packages of dickweed that were handed out as party favors to the guests.

"That's splendid," said Anne. "Hagatha will prime the villagers. What will you do, Mary?"

"Well, I won't do anything where I have to stand by and watch other people eat."

"Hum, you can look after the children, how's that?"

"Can I kick them?"

"If nobody's looking."

"Fine," Mary agreed, "I'll look after the children then."

Anne turned to Mr. Scroomall. "What about you," she asked.

Mr. Scroomall grinned. "I wish to tell fortunes," he said. "I'm good at it."

"But you tried that last year and got arrested. You aren't allowed to tell fortunes while naked."

"Can't I be naked?"

"No, you must be dressed. How about a fortune witch costume?"

"Fine, I'll be a fortune witch."

"Good!" said Anne. I wish Mr Goom-Biyah wasn't dead. He could have been a
lightning artist. Sketch portraits for a shilling in five minutes."

"And what about Denis?" asked Mr. Scroomall.

"Denis couldn't draw glass of water," said Mary.

Denis made a deprecating gesture. "I'll be one of the badge-men. I can go about telling people which is the way to the tea tent and please don't walk on the grass."

"Well," said Anne. "If you do, you must be forceful. Do you have a stick to hit people?"

"I can get one in the village," Denis said. "I'll get a shilling stick."

"Yes, a good heavy shilling stick," she said, "and you must hit them on the back of the legs, no facial bruises."

Denis nodded.

"And now there's Jenny," said Anne. "What will she do? Freak-show attraction again?"

"Waaaa-waaaa!" said Jenny to the salt cellar.

"I believe that's a yes," said Henry.

"I'm so looking forward to the carnival this year," said Scroomall. "It ought to be gayer than ejaculate floating on top of a mens' Turkish bath."

Mary made a face. "That's disgusting!"

"It's the very nature of humans," Mr. Scroomall said. "Our ancestors did it and we are specimens of Homo Sapiens after all."

"You're still disgusting," said Anne.

"I meant to be," Mr. Scroomall replied, and he extended the middle finger of
his right hand. "This is a present from me to you."

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Tdarcos
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Re: A preview of the next book

Post by Tdarcos » Tue May 19, 2020 9:52 pm

This was one I thought was funny, with all the overly sexual double entendres and silly names, right up to the disgusting point. I felt it made me realize this was a piece of fiction and broke the suspension of disbelief. I know people don't talk like that in polite company. Yes, people are disgusting, but we don't usually advertise it.

I'm sorry, I really am, I went in cold, saying I'd give you the benefit of the doubt, and see if I could like it. Then I got it was meant to be funny, and over the top. Then the Turkish bath comment, and all the good feelings went spiraling down the drain. Was stupid, not funny, and I think it does not work here.

I dunno, I don't know if you want my comments. I mean, I write stories because I want to read them, and I wish other people would, and give me comments, even if critical or negative. It might tell me where I can improve.
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Jizaboz
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Re: A preview of the next book

Post by Jizaboz » Tue May 19, 2020 10:22 pm

I do like the slurp tent concept.

My only complaint is I don’t think people talking in this dialect would use the word “gayer” as that would mean happier. Let your imagination run free on a new slur!

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AArdvark
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Re: A preview of the next book

Post by AArdvark » Wed May 20, 2020 2:54 am

in the original, the term was definitely meant to convey happiness. I cringed at it because it was so 1920s and changed it to something vulgar but funnier.

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Tdarcos
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Re: A preview of the next book

Post by Tdarcos » Wed May 20, 2020 8:00 am

AArdvark wrote:
Wed May 20, 2020 2:54 am
in the original, the term was definitely meant to convey happiness. I cringed at it because it was so 1920s and changed it to something vulgar but funnier.
Yeah, as they sang in The Flintstones, "you'll have a gay old time." I don't think they were talking about two men getting it on. While I believe "gay" as a less harsh/ more polite term for "homosexual" goes back possibly as early as the 19th Century, I think it was the 1980s or '90s that it became almost exclusively for that purpose.

So it's not really 1920s, I dare say it was still usable for the term "happiness" as late as 1980.

TVTropes has a whole trope about the use of the term other than men interested in other men.
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