What is your favorite chewy fruit candy?

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Let's lighten the goddamn mood a little, huh?

[Flack]

I see one 10 in that list, several 9s, and a couple of 8s. If I could only have one...

[Flack]

STOP THE COUNT!!! STOP THE COUNT!!!

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I'm surprised jelly beans are doing so well. Let's wait for the mail-in ballots to be counted, though.

[Flack]

Jelly Bellies are great. You can eat them one at a time, you can close your eyes and try to guess what flavor you just ate, you can mix them and make fun recipes (like peanut butter and jelly), or you can be a goddamn monster and eat a handful of mixed ones. Oh, or you can buy a zillion of them and make a mural. Even regular jelly beans are great. I knew a kid who almost choked to death on a jelly bean one time and he said it was great. We should all be so lucky.

I like Skittles, but they seem too normal. You can get them anywhere. Not special enough to win.

I like Gummy Bears, Mike and Ikes, and Swedish Fish. All of them will stick to my teeth if I eat too many. FLAW.

Starburst can't possibly win. You've got red, you've got pink, and you've got literally inedible yellow and orange. It's like ordering a four pack of tacos and finding two of them filled with poop. Who wants Starpoop? Not me! GONE.

Twizzlers are only fruit-flavored if wax is a fruit. And I've never had Mamba or Hi-Chew and suspect you made them up. These choices were terrible and you should have asked me for suggestions for your poll.

You know who would vote for jelly beans? Ronald Fucking Reagan. You voted for something else? You show me a mural of a president made out of Mambas.

[AArdvark]

I haven't had Swedish Fish in years!

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This is more important than the election, so I will give you my ranking and opinion on all of these:

1. Gummy Bears: The problem is, some are better than others. If I could have been more specific, Haribo Gummy Bears would have been my #1 pick, by a wide margin, instead of Mamba. They are my favorite chewy fruit candy. But not all bears are created equal. What IS created equal is:

2. Mamba. I had never had one until Paul did his video on 'em, and I saw 'em in a dollar store so gave 'em a shot, and they are great. They're like Starburst on steroids. A little chewier, a little more intense flavored. Man. I ate a sleeve of them for dinner last night, and that's no joke.

3. Twizzlers (red only). The deal with these, other than being nice and chewy is, the texture. You can do so many things with 'em in your mouth. Never make a bite the same. Split it along the seams. Make a whistle out of it. So many things to do. I never buy them, because whatever size I buy, I eat the entire bag. At Halloween this year we bought a mixed candy bag that had "fun sized" little packs of small Twizzlers. My wife complained that it felt like they put all the stale ones in there. They were much harder and chewier than the normal ones. Turns out, the staler they are, the better. (I ate every single pack in there already.)

4. Starburst. Robb has told stories of his struggles dieting because he would get this habit of just grabbing handfuls of Starbursts and going to town. Of the remaining (large) bowl of Halloween candy we have on the counter, I just now found one of the two-packs at the bottom, and my eyes lit up. They are fourth on this list, but I mean, it's all #1 and #1a, b, c.

5. Jelly Beans/Bellies. Everything Flack said is correct. I just don't get 'em so much, because they're right next to the Haribo gummy bears (see above.)

6. Skittles. I don't love Skittles. Which is why it's always confusing to me that the big bag I bought the other day is always empty and I have rainbow stains all over my face.

7. Swedish Fish. Don't really care for 'em that much, but in a pinch, they're like large, less-delicious gummy bears.

8. Mike and Ike. I have no memory of them, so they might move up the list if I try one again. STAY TUNED.

9. Hi-Chew. GROSS. (Why, you got some??)

I am a FAN of chewy fruit candy.



Who the fuck said they don't like chewy fruit candy?

[Ice Cream Jonsey]

Yeah, back before Covid I'd walk up the same flight of stairs all day when we were in the last half of a release cycle. But, I'd pass the company Starburst. I got to where I'd reward myself for accomplishing things with some Starburst. They're great. I don't care for the yellow ones although people say the yellow ones are better unwrapped.

[Tdarcos]

Twizzlers are only fruit-flavored if wax is a fruit. And I've never had Mamba or Hi-Chew and suspect you made them up. These choices were terrible and you should have asked me for suggestions for your poll.

I've eaten both, Hi-Chew and Mamba, and you can order Hi-Chew on Amazon, they're from Japan and they're tastier than Starburst. One time I bought them to change off of Starburst. Mamba is often hard to get, smaller stores don't carry it.

[Jizaboz]

The flavor of Hi-Chew is good but holy shit are those things chewy. Like they don’t dissolve the same way starburst do. I like them on occasion.

Mamba is probably my favorite between those and starburst.

Jelly beans ichiban