AArdvark's Arizona trip thread

Celebrity Monologues

Moderators: Ice Cream Jonsey, AArdvark

User avatar
Posts: 9018
Joined: Tue May 14, 2002 6:12 pm
Location: Rochester, NY

Re: AArdvark's Arizona trip thread

Post by AArdvark » Tue Nov 05, 2019 5:45 pm



"Ho-ly shit."
This was the extent of my vocabulary as we drove into the red rocks area. I couldn't seem to find a better descriptive term for the Sedona landscape. The closer we got the more incredible the scenery. Sedona is absolutely beautiful. All that scenic beauty makes you want to move there. Well, maybe not move there but certainly visit a lot. If I moved there I would miss the change of seasons. As it was, all the stores had their Halloween decorations up but outside it felt like summertime. I can't imagine Christmas in Arizona with temperatures up in the sixties.
If you're into art then Sedona is the place for you. The place is packed with art galleries and studios. There's so much of an artsy vibe they even decorate the trash bins and roadside sound barriers. Don't get me wrong, they do that in New York as well, only in New York they use spray paint and gang tags, it's not the same thing. There's this hippy, Burning Man vibe going on in Sedona that makes you want to sit on a park bench in the shade with a big sloppy grin, maybe play an Indian flute while giving your cash away to the passers by because money is just a tool of the establishment, man.
On top of the laid back vibe there's a big psychic, wacky, head-scarf crystal culture. All the women seemed to be dressed like Rhoda, weird. I bet you could stand in the main street with a rock and hit a dozen vortex mind and body cleansing spas/herbal tea rooms. The place reminded me of Roswell, New Mexico, which I've never visited but have a repressed memory which was, at a guess, erased when I was abducted by the greys. An hour of mind cleansing vortex spa treatments and some herbal tea would probably let me remember more clearly, but let's not get crazy.
One of the first things we did was visit the ruins of Palatki. This is actually a national park with actual park rangers. The thousand year old dwellings are some miles from Sedona and tucked back into the base of a large cliff. To get there we had to drive way out into the scrub and then down eight miles of washboard dirt road. It was pretty bad, like riding along in a cement mixer. Luckily we had a rented car with a damage waiver.
The rangers provided walking sticks for the tourists, which I thought was a little silly. I have gone on many a boy scout hike and never needed a stick to help me along. The rangers said the sticks would assist with balance because the trail up to the ruins is very rocky and uneven. Yeah, well I've had a drink or two in my day and I could tell you all about uneven walking. And those hard-core hikers that go around with those stupid ski poles, they always look like idiots to me, so I'll pass on carrying some dumb stick. The ranger went on to explain that tapping the ground with the sticks also alerts any rattlesnakes in the area that they need to get out of the way.
Oh, rattlesnakes. Huh, never thought about that, perhaps I will take a stick after all. Hey, maybe I could fight a rattlesnake, like Zorro, that would be cool! Hi-keeba, slithering death, take that!
My wife, who is deathly afraid of snakes was less than thrilled to hear all this information. She managed to walk maybe a hundred yards on the trail before she announced that she just couldn't do this. Her hands were already sweating and shaking slightly. She would go back and wait for us in the snake-safe zone at the visitor center and listen to some of the female tourists hit on the rangers. I tried, but I never saw any snakes, not a one. They must have known I was coming.
On the drive back to Sedona we passed many places where people had parked their trailers way off in the distance and were camping out in the middle of desert scrub nowhere. Personally I consider camping to be anyplace that doesn't offer room service, but these campers had nothing. No water or electricity or cell service, just whatever they brought with them. It looked very desolate.
"It's called Boondocking," my friend said. Being an avid camper she knew about these things.
"Boonwacking?" I asked from the back seat, not hearing her correctly, "Those people are called boon-wackers? What do they do it for?"
"It's being isolated. You know, a getting-back-to-nature kind of thing."
"So they're wackos going off the grid, only with rattlesnakes and scorpions stopping by for coffee."
"It's not that bad, they have their trucks and ATV's and things. All that isolation is supposed to be refreshing."
"So's a hot shower, "I replied, "but we don't have to go in the middle of nowhere to get one."

Back in Sedona we walked around the main street for a while, checking out the different shops. One of the cool places we found sold fossils. It was a high end store that was part art gallery/museum, of course it was. Some of the larger fossils in there sold for thousands of dollars. They cater to all kinds of rich folks in Sedona, think Indiana Jones with a check book. I bought a plesiosaur tooth, mainly because the cool fossils, like megalodon teeth and t-rex teeth were too expensive. Buying a rarity like a real live (dead) fossil made me feel slightly guilty, and I wondered if there were some black market shenanigans going on. The sales lady assured us that these were all legit fossils from Wyoming and didn't need to be in a museum or anything. I'm sure the fossil police or whatever, would have shut them down long ago if there was any shady back door dealings going on in there. After all, we could probably buy stuff like this online anyway if we thought about it. It's not everyday you get to walk around with a real sea monster dinosaur tooth in your pocket, even if it does keep poking you in the leg. It was like getting bit over and over by the loch ness monster and how cool is that?

User avatar
Posts: 1994
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 2:00 pm
Location: USA

Re: AArdvark's Arizona trip thread

Post by Jizaboz » Tue Nov 05, 2019 10:24 pm

I saw a fucking snake in my very desert-like front yard the around the same time and almost picked it up while picking up dead sticks.

Sometimes life just isn’t fair, man.

That’s cool you bought fossils! In my moms last few years, she was super into mining gems and finding fossils along the way outside of the tourist belt so to speak.

I’m still holding on to some of her best “rock specimens” rather than tossing everything to keep the collection going. It’s one of those things I always had interest in but never took the time to really hunt or tumble rocks and such.

Post Reply