Joke for today

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Tdarcos
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Joke for today

Post by Tdarcos » Tue Sep 17, 2019 4:10 am

What do they call it when a woman gives you permission to go down on her?






A lick-her license.
"Light of the World, shine on me."
- England Dan and John Ford Coley, Love Is the Answer

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Tdarcos
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Re: Joke for today

Post by Tdarcos » Sun Sep 22, 2019 6:32 am

I told this to my sister, and she had an interesting reaction.

This woman is driving along a stretch of highway at night, when a rabbit jumps in front of her car, too close for her to stop in time. She slams on the brakes anyway, eventually coming to a stop. She gets out, and look at the mess, noticing the blood and guts on the grille, and drooled on the pavement below. She decides to clean up the mess. She goes to the back of the car, and opens the trunk, which doesn't have a light. She grabs the can of spray cleaner, and sprays it all over the mess before peeling off what was tuck to the car, and figures she might as well try to clean up the mess, spraying the ground before tossing everything into the bushes at the side of the road.

At this point the rabbit sits up, and starts waving at her. She thought she'd killed it, but apparently she hadn't. This is creeping her out, so she grabs a small stone, throws it at the rabbit, which hits dead center and knocks the rabbit down. It pops up again, and resumes waving.

At this point the woman is terrified, she's thinking this it too weird. She's about to throw the can of spray cleaner at the rabbit, when, in the headlight, she discovers it wasn't a can of cleaner. The label on the can read, "Permanent wave for damaged hair,"

My sister listened when I told her the above joke, stood for about five seconds until it hit her, and she doubled over, screaming laughing like I had never seen before. What's even more interesting is i told it to her again a few months later, she'd forgotten, and she still got a pretty good laugh out of it.
"Light of the World, shine on me."
- England Dan and John Ford Coley, Love Is the Answer

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AArdvark
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Re: Joke for today

Post by AArdvark » Sun Sep 22, 2019 8:07 am

Runs in the family, I see

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Ice Cream Jonsey
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Re: Joke for today

Post by Ice Cream Jonsey » Sun Sep 22, 2019 8:40 am

This is the pro-consent discussion this website has been in dire need of for quite some time! Glad wer'e all on the same page here guys. :)
the dark and gritty...Ice Cream Jonsey!

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Jizaboz
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Re: Joke for today

Post by Jizaboz » Sun Sep 22, 2019 11:28 pm

Hahaha reminds me of the gopher repellent spray in The Secret of Monkey Island! Fucking hare spray hahahha

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Tdarcos
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Re: Joke for today

Post by Tdarcos » Mon Sep 23, 2019 8:28 am

Why did the drug dealer offer unlimited free drugs to every member of the Turn family?










He wanted to make sure he had left no Turn unstoned.
"Light of the World, shine on me."
- England Dan and John Ford Coley, Love Is the Answer

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RealNC
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Re: Joke for today

Post by RealNC » Mon Sep 23, 2019 9:30 am

I know a joke!

A little Jewish girl was told it's time for bed. She said "goodnight mommy" and hugged her mother. She said "goodnight daddy" and hugged her father. She said "goodnight grandma" and hugged her grandmother. She went to the bathroom, said "goodnight grandpa" and hugged the soap bar.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-4-gLlF0uw

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RealNC
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Re: Joke for today

Post by RealNC » Mon Sep 23, 2019 3:36 pm

What? Too soon?

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Tdarcos
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Re: Joke for today

Post by Tdarcos » Mon Sep 23, 2019 6:44 pm

RealNC wrote:
Mon Sep 23, 2019 9:30 am
I know a joke!

A little Jewish girl was told it's time for bed. She said "goodnight mommy" and hugged her mother. She said "goodnight daddy" and hugged her father. She said "goodnight grandma" and hugged her grandmother. She went to the bathroom, said "goodnight grandpa" and hugged the soap bar.
Call me stupid, but I don't get it.

Here's a meta-joke, and a minister told it.

'A priest, rapist, and child molester go into a bar, and he says..."
"Light of the World, shine on me."
- England Dan and John Ford Coley, Love Is the Answer

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Tdarcos
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Re: Joke for today

Post by Tdarcos » Mon Sep 23, 2019 6:59 pm

Never mind, it took me about 30 seconds before it hit me. Shame on me! I used this point in my story.
“This is Channel 63,045. Located at 63045 North 63045 Street in the English Language Afterlife.”

Picture changes to the inside of the typical news studio where a couple of anchors sit at a desk. Announcer comes back on voice over. “With the number one newscast in the Afterlife, this is Channel 63,045 Eyewitness News, at 6! In Stereo!”

A male announcer says, “I’m Marion 22106,”

A female announcer, next to him, says, “I’m Laura 1503. Good Evening Ladies and Gentlemen. Our top story tonight: Riot breaks out in the Picketing Zone. We caution you that the text and pictures may be upsetting to some of our viewers. 332 Orthodox and Hasidic Jews were violated this afternoon for breaking Rule #1 when they assaulted a man in the Zone, holding a sign which had an antisemitic text.”

The video focuses in on a young bald male wearing a typical Hitler Youth costume: tan shirt, tan pants, red armband with white circle and black swastika. He is standing in a square holding up a large hand-drawn sign, reading: THE NAZIS DIDN’T MAKE ENOUGH OF YOU KIKES INTO SOAP AND LAMPSHADES.
"Light of the World, shine on me."
- England Dan and John Ford Coley, Love Is the Answer

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